Children Issues!!

[Christine209]

Children issues!
What has happened to our kids? I grew up respecting all adults. I never called my parents horrible names or talked to them with complete disrespect. I am a loving mother, wife and sister. Where did I go wrong in my parenting? I was a single mom for most of my sons life. I worked and busted my butt to provide him with everything I could. I didn't get any support from his biological father or my family. I had to water down his formula a little. Couldn't change his diaper every time he peed because I could only afford 4 packs of diapers a month. My son was diagnosed ADHD.

So my family didn't want to watch him a lot. I struggled to work, pay for daycare, keep food on our table and a roof over our heads. In the end we made it through the tough times. I wasn't always the best mother. I yelled a lot. I can admit I have very little patience. I was never a game playing cookie baking type of mom. I love my son but I enjoyed working. I am sure my son has more complaints about me. I did the very best I could for him. Any complaints he may have he can take it up with a therapist and deal with it!*

I am the one person that has always stood by his side and helped fight all the battles in his life. Maybe that's where I went wrong. I over compensated for being away at work and fought battles he didn't need to win. I think I over protected him. I sometimes wish I could go back and do things over and be a better parent. I can't do that so I have to live with the consequences.*

What I mean by that is mainly school. After working and commuting then getting home at 7 at night. Cooking dinner, laundry then cleaning I was tired. I would ask him if he had homework. He would say no or he did it already. BIG MISTAKE! I think he thought I didn't care so he didn't.*

So fast forward to him going to be 21 in January. No high school diploma. Tried culinary school and accounting school and quit that too. Has had several jobs that didn't last. I am terrified that if I were to die today my son would not be able to survive in the world. He barley speaks to my husband. They had a blow out few months ago. I made my husband promise me that if I die first he won't kick out my son. I have tried to motivate my son. I just don't know what else to do. He found a temporary *job but it doesn't start until October. *

He hangs out with friends, parties and plays video games. I don't want to kick him out because he has no where to go. I couldn't handle the thought of him on the streets. I would be afraid he would get hurt or end up in jail. I know my son loves me I just feel at times I am trapped. I love him very much and I want him to grow up and be a responsible young man.*

I have supported myself since I was 18 1/2 years old. We moved back to California on June 6, 1987. My mother and younger went directly to my brothers house in Fresno to visit. They were going to then come back here to Modesto and we were going to get a place to live. I was staying with my sister. She was renting a room from a friend. After a week my mother called and informed me that she and my younger sister were staying in Fresno with my brother and his family. I was told there was no room for me. I called my father who had an extra room. I asked if I could live with him. He said he had to talk to my step mother.

She HATED kids! He called me back and told me she had said no because I would be taking the guest room. Then they wouldn't be able to have guests over. I ever remember them having guests stay the night. I was upset and told my father I was going to be homeless. He simply said he was sorry and couldn't help me. I just wish my father had stood up to his wife just one time back then.*

I immediately got a job as a maid at a hotel. My older sister and I got a studio apartment together. We had no furniture. She had a twin bed. We split it and I slept on the box spring. It was a tiny place but it was ours. I walked to work or road the bus if I had change. I grew up fast. I made hardly no money aside from rent and bills. Food...we ate what we could afford. I learned the meaning of hungry. I feel it was those times of constant struggles that gave me the drive for life I have now. Sure my life would have had a different outcome if I had not had to struggle.

I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I had parents and a family that had helped me. Oh well I can't dwell on the "what ifs".*
So how can I motivate my son so he can obtain a job and support himself? I just thought maybe I have been overprotective of my son because I know how it feels to have no one. So if you have some ideas I would love to hear them. If anyone would like a house guest I can send him!!! Lol*

My husband and I joke that the only way we are ever going to get my son to move out is if we got into the witness protection and were relocated! Lol*
Why is being a parent so hard at times? What's the best thing for my son? I don't know but I know is I want things to change!*

I hope you all have a great Monday! Don't forget to laugh today! It's the best medicine after all.*

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Skinny]

Hi there I know you posted this some time ago.

1st my heart gos out to you, we have very similar back grounds. To struggle though childhood and teen years alone is very hard and it sticks with us throughout our whole life's. it also almost always sets us up for failure in many different aspects of our life's.

2nd having MS and being a patent is very hard with or without a spouse. I have done it both ways. I have always over protected my two boys. Go to bed every night wondering if I did everything right that day as a mother. My MS has effected my children and also my husband of two years now. All the ups and downs, went from bed to wheel chair to walker then Cain every day is a struggle for energy to even get up. Shower take or make phone calls, Dr apps, so on..

I wish I had an answer for you, or even some advice. All I can offer is maybe some comfort that your not the only one going though this. I am going to start being tuff on my boys because I feel they run all over me, they are 10 and 14 get away with everything. I have a hard time sticking to punishments I think I try to compensate for the parent MS has forced me to be. Take care and hang in there. Maybe giving your son a deadline to be out and stick to it will help. Maybe him getting his GED will give him a good starting point to getting a job he will be proud off and enjoy. Check into local places for him to go and get it. If he won't then maybe tell him he has to move out?

[PanBogdan]

I have too a hyper active boy. To have to be reconciled and adapt. Not so everything is already bad, but all of us time look for methods for treatment. For this moment we work with the psychologist as there is a hope of correcting medicine (if you are interested write by personal mail)

[Jules A]

The evidence seems to indicate that both therapy and medication management together are superior to either method alone in treating ADHD.

The major issues with ADHD are safety, they have a higher rate of accidents/injuries, and school concerns. They are often very bright and creative but as time goes on if they aren't able to focus in school they will fall behind which creates a whole host of problems.

FWIW the evidence also seems to indicate that children treated with a stimulant which is the gold standard are actually less likely to go on and have substance abuse issues compared to those who are left untreated.

Best wishes!