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How to tell your date??

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    How to tell your date??

    I am recently divorced and I went to an online dating site. Someone has asked me to meet for coffee. I said nothing in my profile about my MS. I am secondary progressive, have had MS for 25 years now and use a cane full time.
    How in the world do I disclose this?
    Don't really want to just show up with a cane, that would be awkward.
    Does anyone have any advice on how I should do this?
    Thanks!
    Brooke
    Brooke

    #2
    Personally I would just show up with a cane. After the initial "hello" I would explain why I had the cane -- "you're probably wondering why I am using a cane ...".

    If he heads for the door, no loss there! If not, the least that will happen is you educate someone about this MonSter. Or maybe it'll all work out just fine ...
    DX 10/2008
    Beta Babe 12/2008-07/2013
    Tecfidera 07/2013-01/2018
    Aubagio 01/18-09/20

    Ocrevus 09/20-present

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      #3
      Seriously doubt that I can do that! I was thinking of maybe just throwing it in at the end of an email before we meet, something like, "I will be the one with the cane, I use it for MS" I have no clue
      Brooke

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        #4
        Why not put something in an email before the date along the lines of "I'll be the one with the cane and the captivating smile". Then if they ask about the cane when you meet up you can explain - otherwise just enjoy your first date and leave the full disclosure for another time. Dating is all about getting to know one another - and a bit of mystery is always intriguing on the first date.

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          #5
          Originally posted by 19447BW View Post
          Seriously doubt that I can do that! I was thinking of maybe just throwing it in at the end of an email before we meet, something like, "I will be the one with the cane, I use it for MS" I have no clue
          I love this and would appreciate it if I were meeting someone for the first time.

          You of course are taking the chance that they will be uncomfortable and cool things off but imo I'd rather be rejected online than in person if that is the way it is going to be.

          FWIW I would consider adding MS to your profile and maybe put something in there about using a cane because I would imagine many people would assume you aren't able to walk. That would be a sure way to weed out those who aren't applicable.

          Good luck, you sound thoughtful and funny, I hope this online connection is the person who will appreciate you...and that you like her!
          He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
          Anonymous

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            #6
            Originally posted by TechDad View Post
            Why not put something in an email before the date along the lines of "I'll be the one with the cane and the captivating smile". Then if they ask about the cane when you meet up you can explain - otherwise just enjoy your first date and leave the full disclosure for another time. Dating is all about getting to know one another - and a bit of mystery is always intriguing on the first date.
            Even better advice!
            DX 10/2008
            Beta Babe 12/2008-07/2013
            Tecfidera 07/2013-01/2018
            Aubagio 01/18-09/20

            Ocrevus 09/20-present

            Comment


              #7
              How about;

              "Hi,

              Before we meet for coffee I thought I should give you a heads up.
              25 year ago I was dx with a health issue that affects my walking, so you don’t freak-out I wanted to let you know I walk with a cane.

              I would tell you right now about it but there are a lot of misconceptions about my health issue and I would prefer if we got to know each other based on our personalities or maybe I just wait to be a little mysterious. I will say it is not contagious, and that is my last hint for now. I may give you more hints if ……………….. coffee goes well, or maybe not.
              "

              In other words be playful and have fun with it.
              Give life meaning, live life by the 9 Noble Virtues.

              Comment


                #8
                I started walking with a cane, and I bought 3 snazzy looking ones from a popular website that retails fashionable, interesting canes.

                I bought one with purple/pink pattern that looks like a Vera Bradley print. I got one with turquoise/green floral and another with wild yellow, green, orange, blue tropical flowers.

                Would you believe I have gotten more compliments on my pretty canes than stares? Everyone wants to know where I got them. I make sure to match my cane to my outfit each day.

                I agree there is no easy way to segue this in. A pre-emptive email communication would be good.

                Not too many details, but no mystery. That makes it sound worse than it is, and people will jump to the worst conclusion.

                I'll be the lady with the red dress and cane to match. I have Multiple Sclerosis and it impacts my walking, so I use a cane. See you at 7 pm?
                Dx: 2/3/12. 6-8 lesions right medulla/cervical spine. GLATIRAMER ACETATE 40 mg 1/19, medical marijuana 1/18. Modafinil 7/18, Women's multivitamin, Caltrate + D3, Iron, Vitamin C, Super B Complex, Probiotics, Magnesium, Biotin.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by LisaL77 View Post
                  Not too many details, but no mystery. That makes it sound worse than it is, and people will jump to the worst conclusion.

                  I'll be the lady with the red dress and cane to match. I have Multiple Sclerosis and it impacts my walking, so I use a cane. See you at 7 pm?
                  I love it, no games, just very matter of fact! Great suggestion LisaL77.
                  He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                  Anonymous

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Here we go!

                    Thank you all so much for your advice, it is much appreciated!
                    As my boss told me, "everyone thinks they have baggage that will be too much for someone to want to deal with" and that is kind of how I am looking at this.
                    My niece gave me great advice, saying that I should tell him "the reason I hesitated is because I have MS & use a cane and never know how people will react..."
                    But I put on my profile that I love to go 4 wheeling, and ride snowmobiles, etc. So it isn't as if I am an invalid, but most people don't understand this stupid disease!
                    I suppose I could put something on my profile about my MS, but am not really sure how to broach the subject since so many know so little about it! Don't want to scare anyone off before even meeting them.
                    I have a good sense of humor, and hope to make him feel at ease. (and really hope he can do the same for me!) Who knows, since we live in the highest per capita area of the states (WA state- Eastern side) he may know someone with it!
                    Wants to meet tomorrow. I told him I would call him later, so I will have to figure out what to say by then, thought about texting, but if there is any hesitation, I want to hear it.
                    Very nervous!
                    Brooke

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Just my recent experience

                      Hi ya 19447BW

                      I recently posted a question as to dating a girl with MS...I made a comment that she did not reveal in her profile that she had MS and really had no intentions of telling me til after several dates if not several months (by her own admission)...but she told me on the first date and I didn't run the opposite way...I think if you are posting on match or eharmony and you DO decide to add the MS I (being a male) would like to see a pic with your cane and some little quip about "Hey, I would love to have coffee and maybe some discussion about both of our problems in life", something along those lines...I wish you the best of luck

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                        #12
                        honest jerk

                        Part of me wants to say what a jerk... part of me wants to thank you. As a single person, I never know when to reveal my situation in general. It is even harder when dating.

                        If you know you can't handle it, I am glad you spoke up. But let's be hontest. It is not like it is something you post on line for all to see. I think it is a bit like posting, I have high blood pressure and will most likely have a heart attack early in life becasue that runs in family.

                        Never mind... you are a jerk.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by ME610 View Post
                          It is not like it is something you post on line for all to see. I think it is a bit like posting, I have high blood pressure and will most likely have a heart attack early in life becasue that runs in family.
                          .
                          If someone is writing personal ads to find a mate I don't understand why it can't be posted online "for all to see"? I'm guessing it is because it would totally cut down on the number of people who would consider dating us.

                          So what does it really say about the whole strategy of waiting until you like someone before dropping that bomb?

                          MS really can't be compared to heart disease. I wouldn't bat an eye if someone disclosed a family history of premature death from MI but I would not date someone with MS. Wouldn't it be easier for everyone concerned if it was just put out there to begin with?
                          He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
                          Anonymous

                          Comment

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