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A take from a 23 year old whose mom has had MS all of his life.

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    A take from a 23 year old whose mom has had MS all of his life.

    **This is from a different thread that I posted yesterday but I think that it will be more beneficial here.**
    Hello to everyone out there who either has MS or has a loved one with MS. In my case, my mother has MS and this is our story (in short). I am writing with the hopes of simply giving others the opportunity to relate to us and hopefully helping others through this hard time. My name is Mike and I am currently 23 years old. My mom has had MS ever since I was just a baby and has been wheelchair bound ever since I can remember. When she was first diagnosed in 1983 the shock alone was devastating to her. She had gone through a period of deep depression and thank Goodness with the help of my dad and God she was eventually able to get through it and realize that its worth more to FIGHT than it is to sit back and let yourself go in depression.

    I can't stress enough how important it is for the entire family to stick together and support each other. Over the years we've had our share of ups and downs but we have always managed to get through it. Some people feel pity and sorrow for her but she in no way needs it. She is by far the strongest person that I have ever meant in my life and I personally have never seen her depressed. With the assistance of in-home help, she continues to live at home with my dad and I (and our 2 dogs and our rabbit haha).

    As for me, I graduated high school in 2007 and graduated from ITT Tech in 2009 with my degree in Computer and Electronics Engineering Technology and I currently have a job that I love. For the parents out there with MS, please read this!! I know that a lot of parents with MS out there think that they are somehow less of or not as good as a so called "normal parent" when in reality, its the EXACT opposite.

    Yes my mother is wheelchair bound but as such she has always been there for me from the start and has been able to raise me the way that she wanted to. I could have had a parent who was never at home or who was to caught up in their career to have time for there child. My mom has always been there and I wouldn't have ever traded a single moment for anything. She has been just as good as any other parent if not better. She has taught me everything from Love to God and has made me the man that I am today. I love her more than anything in the world and I would give my life for her. She is my hope, my faith, my inspiration, and most of all my mom. We help each other through everything and will always continue to do so.

    Yes things aren't always easy but who ever said that anything was easy. No matter what, you have to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and keep going. To this day, I would never have changed a thing. I hope that this reaches out to some people and from growing up in this lifestyle, I urge anyone who has any questions that I may be able to answer to feel free to ask!

    #2
    Wow. How nice, i hope your mom appreciates you that much too. Thanks for your perspective.

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      #3
      Hi Mike
      your post is so lovely. I hope my son (currently 3 years 11 months old!) will feel the same about me when he is your age. Perhaps he too will be an Engineer (his Dad is a civil engineer!). It is lovely to read how much you love and appreciate your Mom.

      I had to give up fulltime work when my son was born - I just couldn't keep going with the MS-fatigue/pain/etc anymore. I had worked fulltime for 10 years after I'd been diagnosed. I feel guilty for the days I am so tired I am longing for bed instead of fully enjoying my son. Guilty about having less money but reading your post does make me feel better.

      I had a good career and job but life has changed for me, by accident nearly I have become a stay-at-home-Mum. I, like your Mom, have raised my son the way I wanted to, and we really enjoy our time together. Today for example we ate breakfast with Dad before he went to work, then we filled the bird-feeder in our garden, my son did a bit of 'digging' in the muck!!, we searched for his missing scooter, walked together to his playschool and then I picked him up later and we went home. Just a nice, together kind-of time. Your post makes me realise that is what matters more to kids than money or activities.

      Your love and appreciation for your Mom and Dad shine through your post. I wish you well in everthing Mike and hope your Mom stays well. Thank you so much sharing your experience.

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        #4
        To moderators, I think this young mans post should be made a sticky for this thread/topic, many people that are parents need to see and read it.
        Plan for the future, but not too hard; itís not your decision anyway

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          #5
          I hope and pray that my sons (ages 12 and 16) will feel the same way about me. I have been having a nasty relapse so have not been the mom I want to be. I feel so guilty when i have to come straight home from work and go to bed. My kids sure dont deserve to have a "sick" mom. They seem to handle it pretty good but I worry that deep down they will just remember their mom as lazy and in bed all the time. Reading Mikes post gives me hope that they will understand one day, and that they will still have fond childhood memories. God Bless!

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            #6
            I agree with Scooter. This is a very moving post and could help a lot of people.

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              #7
              Thanks for your post Mike

              Hi,
              I just got diagnosed with MS but been having problems for awhile now(years). I am a single mother of a 11 year old daughter. I have always felt like I come up short because I cant do all the active things other parents do with their kids. I am 32 and really hope my daughter will feel the same as you. I try really hard. Its hard for me because I am having major problems with fatigue and pain. I have to pick which medication I'm going to be on in the next week.

              I just found a church near by that I like. It has really help me feel better emotionally. Please tell your mom I am proud of her for such a wonderful job she has done raising you. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing Mike.
              God Bless,
              Lisa

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                #8
                For Crossfire

                I can't thank you enough for sharing this. As a mother who was diagnosed 1 year ago and who has two young children, the guilt of what this disease is doing to them and what they are missing out on because of me has been my greatest hurdle to get over. Your words brought so much comfort to my heart and soul. Thank you

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                  #9
                  Crossfire - thankyou for being so honest.

                  Questions -
                  When you were much younger (preteen) how did you find the other kids at school?

                  Did they bully you with regard to your mums health?

                  Do you think on any level it was easier because your mum being in a wheelchair was all you ever knew, that you didn't see the change from her being mobile to chair?

                  What kinds of things did your mum used to say to you on a faith level, as thats an area I find hard for my kids. We are always saying God is good, trust in God etc, but what the kids see is not good (I have two autistic kids who are very literal) so I can see thier confusion.


                  Thankyou again, well done to your mum!

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                    #10
                    THANK YOU FOR POSTING THIS! My 3 year old has no memory of me before I was in the wheelchair, and I constantly worry that I'm not able to give her as much as she deserves. You brought up so many important points that I daily struggle to remember: being at home with my daughter all the time is a gift, even when I feel cursed by my wheelchair, that gift overrides the curse. I really needed to read your story...Thank You.
                    Diagnosed December 20, 2011
                    Avonex: February 10, 2012 - March 16, 2013
                    Tysabri: June 28, 2013 - May 23, 2014
                    Betaseron: August 15, 2014 - March 10, 2015
                    Aubagio: June 18, 2015 - current

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                      #11
                      Beautiful thread i am undiagnosed but its inspirational to any parent who feels they come up short because of there health issues. And even tho this post is appreciated here. I hope you show your mom the post. Every mom can use a pat on the back. God Bless

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                        #12
                        I think that younger kids can accept whatever is happening as their "normal". Just like kids with single parents, or grandparents who are raising them accept their childhood as their normal.

                        I think sometimes we don't give kids enough credit. Just because they might have a parent miss out on some activities, doesn't mean that they don't get more out of other activities. I also think parents who can't be physical with their kids probably try to make up for it by spending more time together doing other special things -- which is meaningful and builds different kinds of bonds and connections.

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                          #13
                          Thank You

                          Thank you all so much for your kind responses! I wrote this post in the hopes of helping others and I feel that I have done just that!

                          Member Laine had some very important questions for me which I will address in my new post on this forum titled "School". I urge anyone with a child in school to please read that post as I'm sure that it may help to answer some of the questions that you may have.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            WOW! THANKS!!

                            (((MIKE))). I would be grateful if my DD will looks back at our life together and sees even some of what you see in regards to your mother! You made my day. M.S. Mom guilt is the worst! Thank you so much for taking the time to post this! Now I need to think of my own way to "pay it forward..."!
                            Tawanda
                            ___________________________________________
                            Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                            Comment


                              #15
                              When I got pregnant a friend got in touch to offer his congratulations. His mum has progressive MS and it naturally had a huge impact on him growing up. He had a lot of responsibility from a young age.

                              He told me that he didn't regret anything, or feel resentful, or that he missed out. He is a compassionate man with a great relationship with his mother, and I'm so thankful that he took the time to encourage me. I am now the mum of a beautiful active toddler.

                              Comment

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