MY MOTHER

[mrsmurray14]

I am a 30 year old woman who has a mother with MS. Recently it has progressed and it hurts me to see her so weak. My family supports her and give her as much of a normal life as we can. She can't feed herself, can't speak much, can't chew or swallow, I am really really scared. I feel like a child. Am I overreacting? My father is an amazing man. He works full time and also takes care of her with out ever complaining he just loves having her by his side. They still go out to dinner, theater shows, movies etc. We took a cruise last year which was a great accessible vacation.

I talk to my mom everyday but I know it would hurt her even more to see me upset for her. I am just confused. I also feel ashamed and selfish asking for support when my mom is the one suffering. Also, my dad being a doctor is a care giver by profession and his love for my mother makes him stronger but i worry about him. help me please
molly

[RonPaulaD]

I'm so sorry that your are experiencing these tough emotions. I remember when I was a kid and visiting my dad right after his heart attack and being so frightened for him and myself. I am now 49 and just diagnosed on 11/18 and worry about how my ms will affect my husband and children down the road. None of us wants to be a burden on our family, but it is the turbulant times that we really need our family. All of you are deeply connected and need to communicate your needs and fears with each other. Your mom can probably handle more information concerning your feelings than you are giving her credit for. Maybe not a breakdown total sobfest, but she's scared too. Knowing that you are also may be of some comfort to her. And maybe ever allow her to "mother" you in order to comfort you.

[mrsmurray14]

Thank you for your reply. I will try to talk to her about it b/c I know she is strong and I think she may want to talk about it as well. I also won't turn it into a sobfest; I know that would only hurt her. It's just hard b/c even though I live close by my parents I find myself busy during the week/weekend working. She also gets tired easily so I know my timing doesn't always fit her schedule so i don't see her as much as I would like to which makes me feel so guilty. my new year resolution is to be by her side and let her know i am strong enough that she can talk to me about her feelings

[patti_girl]

Don't be so hard on yourself

My mother has advanced M.S. and has lived in a nursing home since I was 14 years old. I've been visiting her in this setting for so long that I've kind of gotten used to it or numb to it, but recently that has changed. Only recently have I started to acknowledge to myself how difficult and scary the situation really is. It's hard because then I have to allow myself to see and take in the scary stuff, but at the same time when I validate my fears it helps me treat myself more gently. I'm thirty years old and part of me thinks it shouldn't bother me anymore, but that's ridiculous. It would be hard for anyone to see their parent suffering and ill, let alone watching it for years.

It's hard for me to visit my mother as well. It's challenging because it's not like she can visit me or give me a call. I need to go to her. One thing I think I'm going to do is take pictures from daily life and put them up on her wall. She tends to talk about things she sees hung on her wall, so my hope is that if she has images around her from my life she might be inclined to reference them.

I hope your write back because I often feel like I'm the only one who has to deal with something like this and it makes me feel alone.

Patti

[mrsmurray14]

thank you for sharing

It sounds like our mothers are experiencing the same it similar ms patterns. Its sad because she doesnt react to any medicine. Her mind is fine, it's not cognitive but I feel you it's the wrist not being able to call her and say meet at the mall...I just add I'm sure you do is make sure to love unconditionally.....write back