Shocking news......

[sunshine008]

so i had to post about this, because i have no one else to share this type of sensitive news with lol.

So, as many of you know my marriage has been a work in progress........ and we've been on a huge upswing as of late.

Well, that ended this past weekend. I found out that he is texting some other woman, in appropriate things.....calling her sexy etc. so i asked who she was got 3 different stories from him, and him saying she means nothing.

yea ok....... so he freaked out when i asked him. like really freaked out scary bad stuff. i'm fine, he didnt' touch me yet he lost it.

i met with our marriage counselor two times alone as of late he walked out on one session after losing it suddenly, than today he refused to go. according to him he's leaving due to my reaction to whatever he's doing with whomever.......

well what i wanted to share was when i spoke with this woman with whom has been doing counseling since her 20's she is now 78 strongly thinks that my husband has personality disorder and has 2 personalities. One personality the one in which she thinks adores me and is in love with me the 2nd hates me with a passion...hence all the bad behaviors, the texting even. she said i think he went through some type of trauma in his life, and the other personality was built due to that... and it only comes out when he's triggered...

am i freaked out? yes i am!! I said why didnt' you say anything? she said how could I and risk him blowing up on me, damaging me you this office....... hmmmm.........

her advice to me do not trigger him he has a mental illness! oh great! so he gets to do what he wants now without question from me..... text other woman, do not ask because the other side will appear, do not go shopping with him she said financials a trigger also.....

so yes this is my life now...... crazy? should be take a poll?

[Jules A]

I'm not sure your relationship with this 78 year old counselor but DID is extremely rare, not acknowledged by some very reputable medical centers and in any case inappropriate for this person to speculate on a diagnosis for your husband.

Please continue the counseling sessions with the professional you are actually paying and do what you need to do to remain safe.

[sunshine008]

it is and i am studying to be a psychotherapist as well as worked in the mental health field.

my relationship with her is professional, and she is very good at what she does. Although alot of places or doctors do not accept this diagnosis or even state it exists you and i both know it does.

as i began to question her more, and ponder the thoughts i said to her there is no second identity within him. Is there anger, issues, etc. yes def. does it get triggered yes it does.

so i called her back long story short the classic you are speaking of and i posted about is not it. it is in her own words another existence personality that he created long ago to be able to withstand a traumatic experience..... and when he is triggered it comes out.

that makes a lot of sense to me, and there are tons of documented personality disorders as we know...... yet truth is he's been to 3 counselors since we've been together and no one can help him.

one day he's awesome on top of the world, the next he's not let's just say and a very angry man. it's never made sense. luckily and this will sound horrible he isn't here a lot. otherwise it wouldn't of worked at all for this period of time especially with me with MS. she did say that with some counseling to uncover those big issues he has deep within that this would finally heal and those behaviors dissolve.

i can get what she means though, i can without technically classifying it. you'd have to see him in action to understand the change that occurs within him. it's downright weird. always has been. i guess i've just been working super hard at not triggering him, not upsetting him at all so it's been a lot smoother sailing...... up till recently.

[kif8skip]

it is pretty scary having to watch every word that comes out....I hope you find your answers

Good Luck - I hope it all works out for you !

[jbell2435]

sunshine - I am very sorry you are going through this, the stress of MS is more than enough than having to watch everything that you say in fear of "triggering" a reaction from someone who IMHO should be supporting you emotionally...

Why is it that men get a free card for disorders (sex addiction, etc)??

I am probably way out of line, but could it be that he is reacting (or overreacting) to things so that everyone else is on the defense? My ex used to do this and turn irrational when he was getting caught doing things he shouldn't, he would go on the attack (verbally) to deflect from his own behavior and not be accountable...

Either way, I wish you much love and support, sounds like you need it right now...

[sunshine008]

yea its like bizzaro world..... seriously though. I sound like a nut typing it, yet this is what a professional told me.??

so needless to say I won't be returning to her again. She's very good i'll admit helped us alot or so i thought lol.

Yet no this does not fit, this is weird. Does he have issues? yes without a doubt. Yet a second personality. I think it took me a few days to process and digest i was in the mist of ending the semester at school and bogged down by tons of papers.

well maybe this should be a thread of what diagnosis you got from some doctor that made you say yea i'm not going back there.?

I found out the whole story with my husband took a few days for him to spill. Yet what is wrong with him that he does these things? i have no idea. I truly do not. I'm just going to stick with plan A and keep moving ahead with my stuff and my plans. I cant' allow the drama he brings into the marraige to derail me at this point. I'm doing far too well at school and with building my clients.

I reread this and said wth? I basically put his things together and was ready to put them outside, he stopped me apologized repeatedly tried to explain the whole story to me. its' just too drama filled and crazy....

[sunshine008]

i feel embarrassed i even posted this

it's just so weird. yes you are right Jbell he redirected once caught doing something he shouldn't, thats' what he does.

I cant' believe this therapist sucked me into believing this carp, when too many balls are in the air the best of us can get sucked in i guess.

i think he has issues, self esteem issues he wont' admit to, which lead him to do these stupid things....i normally would never have issue with him having female friends if it werent' for his past mistakes. that was our deal moving forward years ago no more. so he broke the deal, and than took it one step further.

[chocoholic1976]

Take it easy

Remember to try not to react to your husband's behaviors. A saying that I love is...Mean what you say. Say what you mean, but don't say it mean. Above all, make sure you are physically and mentally safe.

[tommylee]

i normally would never have issue with him having female friends

Perhaps you should?

If my wife were texting flirty messages to another man I think I would leave her untill she fessed up and came clean about who what and where.
Then I would decide if I wanted her back or not.

Loyalty is very important to me and anything that made me questian that is a deal breaker.


Protect yourself and take care of yourself.
What possible explaination could explain this behavior in an acceptable way?
Do you really want a lifetime of this crap?
Why should you put up with this?
It does not make any sense to me.

Be strong and remember YOU ARE A PERSON THAT SHOULD BE TREATED WITH RESPECT!

[Waydwnsouth1]

11 years ago my DW and I went through the same ordeal. I was doing as you said, "inappropriate", things. It was an extremely tumultuous time in our 28 years of marriage.


Then one day as I met with my psychologist he took a book off his self and began to read a list of question I was to answer with yes or no. When we finished he put the book down, took his glasses off, looked my straight in the eyes and said " You have bipolar disorder." Now he qualified that statement by saying he could not formally dx me but he did refer me to a psychiatrist where I was formally dx. The dx helped us save our marriage.

What I am saying is your counselor may be on to something here but may not be the right person to follow up with. By all means continue to see her for your needs but you and your husband need to seek more professional help for your husband. He may very well have something going on that can be treated.

Good luck to you both and please keep us posted.

[evaeli5252]

Do you think that DID is so easily diagnosed? At least you need to consult some psychologist regarding this, don’t jump on conclusions without evidence.

[DancingPhalanges]

I don't know about a personality disorder, but it sounds as though he is/was having an emotional affair and reacted defensively when you caught him.

[Shashi]

I agree with DancingPhalanges (love your name, by the way.) I think he's on the defensive because you caught him.

Kind of reminds me of the way that my soon-to-be-ex used to say things to hurt me, then try to make me feel bad because I was making him feel bad for hurting me. (Yeah, figure that one out!)

Sweetie, you don't need that kind of stress, whether he is doing it intentionally or not. Even if the relationship can be salvaged, do you really want to live like that? Always worried about saying the wrong thing and triggering who knows what? That's no kind of life. Believe me, I know.

Hugs and prayers,

Lisa