My husband loves me but....

[lemstar]

My husband is very supportive and loving. However, I have had some other serious health issues, and I think he is tired of it all. (Yeah, me too). Whenever he sees me on the forums, he seems almost annoyed, and says, "I don't know why you are always on there. I don't think its good for you to spend so much time focused on this". I have explained that not only does it provide support and help battle the feelings of alone-ness with my MS, but it is the BEST source of info out there. He is not dumb; he is a psychologist. But he just doesnt seem to understand that my MS isn't only apparent (to me!) when I get my twice yearly MRIs, which he accompanies me for. I live with it every #%@#ing minute of my life. And when my transient symptoms become particiularly bothersome, he sort of rolls his eyes. I guess I should think of how it is for him---he didn't bargain for this, but sheesh! How has my life been for the past two years? (Sort of traumatic, is the answer).
Just had to vent. I bet there are others out there who understand what I am saying....
Thanks for listening.

[Waydwnsouth1]

I understand where you are coming from lemstar. My wife is the same way. She says I read too much about this and I should let it go. I told her I CAN'T LET IT GO!! this is my life. I told her I understand MS has invaded her life too but I feel it, I breath it, I experience it with it all it's tenacity.

I do try to live as though nothing is wrong but it is hard when your legs are in pain 24/7/365. Or your hands or feet go numb or the best yet when you have trouble talking. Not to mention all the other maladies MS can bestow upon us at will.

You CANNOT JUST LET IT GO!!!

[Jules A]

I really don't discuss MS with my husband unless there is an urgent need to explain something.

As for coming here I think he is relieved that I'm able to touch base with others rather than burden him with the never ending loop in my head about "how quickly MS is going to steal my entire life?

In a weird way I'm glad it is me rather than him because I definitely wouldn't knowingly get in a relationship with someone who had MS and yet he got stuck with me after the fact. It makes me feel guilty although if he ever wants to leave hopefully I will have the dignity to just let it happen gracefully.

[BeneathTheLies]

I'm right there with you guys and it sucks. Although I am not married I've been with my fiance for almost 5 years. He told me the other day that I focus on MS too much and that's why my symptoms are so bothersome. Yes please let me just forget about the spasticity in my legs, the horrible muscle spasms and the oh so terrifying numbness that wants to creep in every once in a while and that's not all of it.

I know longer discuss anything MS related with him which is stressing me even more. I made an appointment with a psychiatrist on Wednesday and when I told him about it his response was "you don't need help. Your just making yourself miserable." Yep that's right. I want to be miserable and have absolutely no passion for life. It can be so rediculous at times.

Sorry didn't mean to rant but this is something that has been on my mind alot lately. It worries me that he's reacting this way already, I was just dx in June. I don't know how to change it or make it better. I hope that things get better for everyone.

Anyway the point of this post was to say Lemstar I understand how your feeling. Whether he bargained for it our not, he's still there and he has an obligation in my eyes to be supportive at least. I do hope that things get better for you.

Waydwnsouth I know what you mean about not being able to let go. I feel like my fiance and family think that now I have a dx I should just get over it and go on with my life. Easier said then done. Everyday we live with MS and I don't it's possible to let go. How can we when it's something that will remain with us for the rest of our lives. Ugh anyway I feel for you. I also hope that things will get better for you.

Good luck guys.

[Thinkimjob]

They'll get it when you start hobbling about, trust me. My chap still really believes I will be all right one day which is kind of nice, if a tad optimistic, I suppose.
He has no problem humanely destroying unwell dogs, horses, cattle etc. Break a leg, and it's curtains for you, horse. So he's pragmatic, and not one to worry too much.

I have a very dark sense of humor about the whole MS thing, which he's okay with, but I try not to upset him.

[sunshine008]

it's funny that i'm reading this post bc i just responded to one of my posts to someone about thoughts on my husband pertaining to this subject.

I do believe and this isn't for all BUT, when we get MS we do let new people enter our world, new friendships build, we have new contacts, our life does in a sense due to this disease broaden in ways we didnt' think it could.

I do think there is a sense of jealousy in men, again SOME of them. I know mine has been displaying it. It's a world they "cant" understand no matter how hard they try, they arent' in it, they can't grasp it.

than they see us on here, i do it too and yup same looks i've gotten when he walks in from work. than i close my pc and head to bed lol. he says you had time for them? is said "they" dont' walk in at 12 you do.

Point is i think they do feel a bit lost in it, like we are moving into a different direction w/o them, into a new world. I think communication is so important especially with this. Just being honest and saying it isnt' i'm obsessing i've found a safe place, with some new cool ppl who are truly helping me "get" it i can share what i go through with them, and than add in how you'd complain a whole lot more if it wasnt' for them" us" in here

make sense??

[thisiscrazy183]

Need a hug...

I'm so glad I'm not alone in feeling all alone. Unfortunately even though we have these things in common and have each other to vent, it still doesn't fill the void in our hearts and our hopes for a supportive spouse. I would do anything for my husband in a heartbeat, and I do! Things have been great then all of a sudden I started experiencing some new symptoms and tell him about it, that I'm a little sad and he mocks me, and I tell him I really need him to be understanding. And as usual, when I need him the most, he is there for me the least. I told him I couldn't help what was going on and I was sorry for being so emotional and he looked at me and said "I'm sorry you're such a f*#% up too".

My heart is hurting, I feel so alone. The man that I call my best friend is my biggest betrayer. He's been ignoring me all night. If I can't count on him to be by my side through cognitive problems, fatigue and emotional side effects, what does that mean for me in the future when/if I'm physically dependent on him?

[Rod Ritch]

Floundering in a storm

I was divorced a few years before dx. And I was just begining to pick up where I had been with a woman from 20 years earlier. But my former girlfriend wouldn't accept the dx, so we parted ways. I know my ex-wife would have left me too. A lot of people can't handle it I am finding. So there is no lighthouse to help many of us find our way thru the storm.

[Jules A]

If I can't count on him to be by my side through cognitive problems, fatigue and emotional side effects, what does that mean for me in the future when/if I'm physically dependent on him?

I'm sorry things are like this and the best advice I could give is to start planning for your future NOW. I think you are wise to question how life will be if things get worse.

Plan for the worst but hope for the best is my motto.

[zone45]

understand

Though he is your husband you have to understand he doesn't have MS, although his love for you is great sometimes in day to day living he'll tend to forget what you are going through. So it's best to talk with him about it & tell him you need the support you get from the forum, hope this helps

[richchaviv]

Rich

I am a male who has M.S. and I can honestly say that your husbands do not understand what you are going threw. I might be wrong, but i do not mean any disrespect. When you talk to your husband about M.S. you should first tell him the problem you have then discuss your feelings. Then I bet he will understand better and be able to be more supportive. I have an amazing wife, I told her to leave me three times and the third time I thought she was going to hit me. I am on disability, I take depressions meds, I see a counselor and a phycologist. all in all i have five drs who staff knows me to well. But my wife will have an issue and I do not understand unless she tells me first what is wrong then I can understand the emotions. I hope this is helpful to all. we men just do not understand alot of time and you have to talk to us as a child for us to understand and be supportive.