Frustrated.......... i think it'll take a brick

[sunshine008]

literally!! still smiling....... yet wearing thin.

Hi all..... yes same marriage issue. We've been in counseling with new marriage counselor who is awesome for a few mos. now.

she's great, is really into communication, how to, different perspectives, really has enlightened us both. Improvements seemed to come until......

yes you guessed it i'm tired again and can't be intimate. I said id' never promise anything. yet when i'm cornered I said yes. The only argument we have is over this as of late.

I feel horrible the way he treats me when i can't stay up late. He doesnt get in till going on 11:30 at night. i'm exhausted by than after school, my daughter, now other bus. idea i have.....

I said nicely on Friday days ago,and yes I quote "I'm sorry, I only got 4 hours last night because ("he" was snoring and refuses to wear a nose strip to prevent this) you were snoring. Ill try to take a nap later on tonight if i can. if so i'll stay up.

Well in return i got but you promised, i can't believe you. you purposely do this? wth? nasty nasty nasty. followed by days of ignoring me, returning home not talking to me. I take med earlier and head to bed. Leaving lights on on purpose while im; trying to sleep. Last night had tv in living room on till 3. I always ask please close my bedroom door if you stay up. left it open on purpose.

tried yet again today to talk to him. no go. he says to me it isnt' fair, he basically wants what he wants when he wants it. i told him as my husband you should be concerned with my well being, how i'm feeling. instead of throwing a fit over it making me feel worse. there are plenty of times i stay up and make an effort. His response i'm abusive because i dont give him what he wants, and also i say i'll do it and than i change if i'm tired.

i'm sooo outta ideas....... the marriage counselor can't seem to get thru to him. he listens to her, yet than if i god forbid get tired this is what i get. i told him maybe you should just admit you can't hack this afterall?

crazy right? does anyone else go through this type of insane self centered behavior?

[tommylee]

Being married is a job.
Jobs take effort and have demands.
Sometimes jobs can really suck and coworkers can be a pain in the arse.

Still the job is there and needs to be done.

You both are pissed with the effort each of you are putting into the marriage. ?
You both do not approve of where eachother spends their time and effort in the marriage. ?

Try to stick to and listen to your marriage counselor's advise and perhaps things may improve.

It sounds like you both want it to work and it sounds like you are both hard workers.
Perhaps with some time and guidance you two can be happy together again?
But right now you are both screaming "It's My Turn!" and that is not going to work. ???

If this advise sounds like crap; It probably is.
Hope life improves soon.
I have been married for 22 years and the work never ends.

Marriage, like life; takes work and effort untill you die. (at least for me.)

[sunshine008]

lol is all i can say! I ranted and vented had to go somewhere with it........... who better than my new MS friends...... lol.

I wasnt' even expecting a response on this one..... yet long and behold Tommy to the rescue! your great!

it is what it is..... that is my quote for the day and week......

when i get tired of being cursed at for being fatigued and in pain and not being able to deliver i guess ill finally go elsewhere.

ps. love the marriage counselor did i tell you she's 78? man this woman is the best..... life experience mixed with so much great knowledge. she would of helped on tons of levels.

my husband told me to go find a caring partner..... lol than he cancelled the session for tmrw. hmmmm we've all heard this before havent' we? yup i have!

Tommy i bet your great at marriage, it does take work yet i'd like to think just carving out the time for one another is where it all comes together. He just may not be cut out to be the partner of MS person. I go go go even when in pain yet there are times my engine has to stop running and he cant' cope with that. sheesh i can't imagine if my legs went, he'd never be able to cope. i'd be ok and he'd fall apart

big thanks to you for reading my rant...........

[tommylee]

Tommy i bet you're great at marriage,

Don't place that bet!
I don't think my wife would agree with you.

It's a job I said I would do so ... I do my best, but to say I am good at it would not be correct.
My wife has been pissed off at me for a decade.
I am not capable of changing that.
There must be many things that I am missing the boat on.

[sunshine008]

lol i think all too often we are able to see the deficits, and or advantages of other people's issues concerning this issue because we arent' entangled in it.

yet when we are "inside" the box its' hard to get a decent perspective at times because those emotions run so high.

sit back and make like it is one of us asking you for help in your own situation..... than put the advice in. i bet if you could seperate it would work.

[tommylee]

i bet if you could seperate it would work.

Seperate from my wife?
Or seperate myself from our issues and look at it from an outside perspective?

I am not sure I understand your idea. Please clarify. (i can be a bit of a "dim bulb" sometimes.)

[sunshine008]

My fault for not clarifying..... ah the joys of the MS mind..

I meant seperate yourself from it as you do here.......to help others.

Sometimes when we're too emeshed I think it's harder to see it from a different perspective.

Your advise is always very good, that's why I was saying that. Your very insightful..