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    Treatment vs Children

    This is my first post here. I learned about the site just this past weekend. Thank God! I've been wandering in the dark.

    My wife has recently been diagnosed w/ MS. Right now it is classified as relapse remitting, but the rate of relapse is pretty high. An attack every few months.

    She is 33yrs old. We've been married for 6 yrs and been together for much longer. Early on in our relationship, we were taking steps to keep from getting pregnant. However, since we have been married, we haven't done anything to stop getting pregnant. It just hasn't happened.

    Since she has been diagnosed, we have been deciding whether to try and become pregnant or just start treatment right away.

    I'm looking for anyone's opinion on my situation. Any kind of feedback. I see her fear of the disease progressing in locked combat with her desire to be a mother. Seeng her struggle with the biggest decision of her life is so painful. Please help!

    #2
    I wouldn't let the MS stop her from having a child. A lot of the times it goes into remission during pregnancy and breast feeding. Is she taking meds for it now? If she is as you know would have to stop taking them. You mentioned that you stopped trying NOT to get pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.

    My advice would be before stopping any meds to find out what might be the problem. If you two need some sort of fertility drugs. That way she would be off the meds for a shorter period of time.
    I take copaxone, I took it till I found out I was pregnant. I've heard of people that have taken it through out their pregnancies. The other meds she should be off for about 3 months.
    If she hasn't started the meds I would check with a doctor asap about ways to get pregnant faster.

    Good luck. I hope it all works for you!

    Comment


      #3
      My thoughts aren't very popular here because I think the genetic implication regarding passing on what can be a horrible, progressive disease is too high to do to a child on purpose.

      I would also consider the financial implications but if you are afford to pay for professional care for either baby or Mom if necessary I'd definitely consider adopting.
      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
      Anonymous

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by Jules A View Post
        I'd definitely consider adopting.
        Do what you want.
        I think Jules does have a good idea.

        Comment


          #5
          You might hear from some members who are very much against anyone with Multiple Sclerosis having children. I hope these members will be gentle in their responses to you. Please don't let the concerns of a few MSWorld members scare you. Your trusted doctor is the best person to help you make this important decision!
          hunterd/HuntOP/Dave
          volunteer
          MS World
          hunterd@msworld.org
          PPMS DX 2001

          "ADAPT AND OVERCOME" - MY COUSIN

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by hunterd View Post
            You might hear from some members who are very much against anyone with Multiple Sclerosis having children. I hope these members will be gentle in their responses to you. Please don't let the concerns of a few MSWorld members scare you. Your trusted doctor is the best person to help you make this important decision!
            Quoted for truth.

            My kids (twins) are five years old. I was diagnosed a year ago, so can't speak to pregnancy/newborns while having MS, but I can say that both can be exhausting. I absolutely think you two should have kids if that is what you want, but I'd advise that you make sure you have plenty of family/friend support, more than non-MS families, just in case she relapses while the child(ren) are small. Finances can be complicated with kids, and even more so with MS, so that's certainly another factor that I'm betting you've already thought about.

            As for the percentages...the way I see it, my kids have a 97.5% chance, by blind statistics, of never having MS. We learn more and more about the disease and how to treat it every year, so I belive I would have chosen to pass my genes on even if I'd known I had MS. Some here find that monstrous, others are neutral and the rest agree. It is what it is; don't let anyone try to make it a black and white issue, and definitely speak with her medical providers to get their take on it, too.

            Clearly not everyone feels the same about this, and I too hope people will be gentle and discuss this with you with compassion. Deciding to have children and pursuing fertility testing/treatment is hard enough (been there) without the shadow of MS or people telling you how you should feel and what to do.

            Comment


              #7
              Hello maplechill and welcome to MSWorld.

              I can understand the fear of the disease and the want of children colliding. This is a decision you both need to discuss with each other and her doctor(s).

              I had 2 children after I was diagnosed, they are now 19 and 21. Relapses can happen during pregnancy or post-partum. However, that is not the case with every woman or every pregnancy.

              I did not have a relapse with either one of my pregnacies or post-patum.
              Diagnosed 1984
              “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

              Comment


                #8
                Hi maplechill,

                You might want to check out "The Ladies' Room" forum. There are some threads about pregnancy & MS there too.

                http://www.msworld.org/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=17

                Comment


                  #9
                  If you have had unprotected intercourse regularly (sex 2 - 3 times per week, no contraception) for more than a year, then there is possibly a problem with infertility which should be discussed with your (wife's and possibly your) doctors. Treatment of infertility is an issue in itself and can be very demanding, apart from that of being pregnant, delivering and raising children.

                  Adopting a baby, or even older healthy kids, is also not easy or cheap. Many adoption agencies and relinquishing mothers will discriminate against an adoptive parent with MS (or other illnesses for that matter, and not without reason). Costs can run into the tens of thousands of dollars, and there is a shortage of healthy babies available for adoption. So, "Just adopt" is not always a solution to the genetic implications of a parent with MS.
                  /
                  I have 3 kids, all born before my MS was firmly diagnosed; I was told the risk of my kids getting MS was about 1%. As it turned out, I had no serious MS-related problems during pregnancy or post-partum, though I had life-threatening problems unrelated to MS; I wouldn't change a thing, still. It just goes to show that there are never any guarantees in life, MS or not.

                  As mentioned above, do what you want, what you and your wife think is best for your family.

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