My husband of nearly 25 years told me he was through today -- that he had hired a divorce attorney and was going to file next week.
I have had MS for about 16 years. Like my disease itself, our marriage has had its ups and down. We have been very happy in the past, have two children together -- an 18-year-old who is still in high school and a college student -- but there have also been lows. We went for counseling for awhile but quit when my husband said he couldn't afford the cost.
I am actually feeling pretty good right now -- a change in medication a couple of years ago helped a lot -- put I have lost vision, hearing, have slurred speech, periodic confusion and sometimes need a cane or walker. I was hospitalized in May for another exacerbation.
Unfortunately our whole family has had some health problems -- my husband nearly died when our oldest child 2 from a gastrointestinal problem, both our children were premature, had learning difficulties, asthma, I was diagnosed with MS, my son was injured in a car accident and most recently the oldest child suffered a serious sports-related injury.
We have also faced career changes; my husband was originally in the newspaper business but was forced out when a new owner bought the local newspaper, and returned to school to became an attorney. I stayed home with the children when they were small, and then worked part time when they went to school but stopped about 5 years ago when my MS symptoms got worse.
Unfortunately being an attorney hasn't worked out financially -- my husband was let go from the firm that hired him out of law school, and now his age (56) and the economy are against him. I have tried to return to work, working though a vocational rehabilitation program, etc., but haven't been able to find a job. Meanwhile we are paying outrageous premiums -- thousands of dollars a month -- for health insurance through the state high risk pool.
My husband has periodically threatened to divorce me in the past, using it largely as a leverage to get me to do what he wants, especially in regards to our children. He has always had a large ego and been very controlling; but even more so when things are not going well. But to my knowledge he has never consulted a divorce attorney before. I think our youngest son turning 18 last month may be a significant factor in his decision.
I also overheard my husband talking to his father this evening and the high cost of our healthcare was mentioned several times. It was hard to hear my father-in-law and my husband joking about my MS -- "Well now that you told her your going to divorce her, she'll probably get sick" and "She'll never find a job now that your divorcing her..." My father-in-law has been married and divorced 3 times.
But in the past the cost of the health care hasn't been cited as a reason to divorce -- instead my husband complained that I wasn't respectful of his wishes, didn't defer to him in matters involving the children, that the children didn't do enough around the house, that he had to do everything, felt like a doormat, that he wasn't getting anything out of our relationship, no emotional support, etc.
Obviously my husband's complaints are often valid -- he does do more than his fair share because of my illness -- laundry, shopping, care of the lawn, etc. And the children, although they do help, are busy with school and sports. I have tried to be supportive and show appreciation -- say please and thank you, be thoughtful, considerate, and kind to his aging mother. I was behind him 100% when he decide to go back to law school and encourage his participation in a masters-level recreational sport he enjoys -- but I think we are all just worn down.
The other thing I don't understand is that my husband says he has no intention of moving out of our home after he files for divorce. He says he intends to stay until the house is sold. My husband also told me he would give me the names of 5 divorce attorneys I could pick from to represent me. I may be a little slow but I managed to come back with "No, I'll find my own attorney."
I know that divorce is very common among people with MS; usually with the husband divorcing the wife. I'm sure there are others out there who have heard the same words I heard today, "I can't take it anymore." I would appreciate any support or advice you might be able to offer.
I have had MS for about 16 years. Like my disease itself, our marriage has had its ups and down. We have been very happy in the past, have two children together -- an 18-year-old who is still in high school and a college student -- but there have also been lows. We went for counseling for awhile but quit when my husband said he couldn't afford the cost.
I am actually feeling pretty good right now -- a change in medication a couple of years ago helped a lot -- put I have lost vision, hearing, have slurred speech, periodic confusion and sometimes need a cane or walker. I was hospitalized in May for another exacerbation.
Unfortunately our whole family has had some health problems -- my husband nearly died when our oldest child 2 from a gastrointestinal problem, both our children were premature, had learning difficulties, asthma, I was diagnosed with MS, my son was injured in a car accident and most recently the oldest child suffered a serious sports-related injury.
We have also faced career changes; my husband was originally in the newspaper business but was forced out when a new owner bought the local newspaper, and returned to school to became an attorney. I stayed home with the children when they were small, and then worked part time when they went to school but stopped about 5 years ago when my MS symptoms got worse.
Unfortunately being an attorney hasn't worked out financially -- my husband was let go from the firm that hired him out of law school, and now his age (56) and the economy are against him. I have tried to return to work, working though a vocational rehabilitation program, etc., but haven't been able to find a job. Meanwhile we are paying outrageous premiums -- thousands of dollars a month -- for health insurance through the state high risk pool.
My husband has periodically threatened to divorce me in the past, using it largely as a leverage to get me to do what he wants, especially in regards to our children. He has always had a large ego and been very controlling; but even more so when things are not going well. But to my knowledge he has never consulted a divorce attorney before. I think our youngest son turning 18 last month may be a significant factor in his decision.
I also overheard my husband talking to his father this evening and the high cost of our healthcare was mentioned several times. It was hard to hear my father-in-law and my husband joking about my MS -- "Well now that you told her your going to divorce her, she'll probably get sick" and "She'll never find a job now that your divorcing her..." My father-in-law has been married and divorced 3 times.
But in the past the cost of the health care hasn't been cited as a reason to divorce -- instead my husband complained that I wasn't respectful of his wishes, didn't defer to him in matters involving the children, that the children didn't do enough around the house, that he had to do everything, felt like a doormat, that he wasn't getting anything out of our relationship, no emotional support, etc.
Obviously my husband's complaints are often valid -- he does do more than his fair share because of my illness -- laundry, shopping, care of the lawn, etc. And the children, although they do help, are busy with school and sports. I have tried to be supportive and show appreciation -- say please and thank you, be thoughtful, considerate, and kind to his aging mother. I was behind him 100% when he decide to go back to law school and encourage his participation in a masters-level recreational sport he enjoys -- but I think we are all just worn down.
The other thing I don't understand is that my husband says he has no intention of moving out of our home after he files for divorce. He says he intends to stay until the house is sold. My husband also told me he would give me the names of 5 divorce attorneys I could pick from to represent me. I may be a little slow but I managed to come back with "No, I'll find my own attorney."
I know that divorce is very common among people with MS; usually with the husband divorcing the wife. I'm sure there are others out there who have heard the same words I heard today, "I can't take it anymore." I would appreciate any support or advice you might be able to offer.
Anyway, I recdently wrote a 3 page letter to him trying to express my brother and I's feelings and how my Mom would feel if she could express herself, but it didn't phase him at all. My Mom is able to talk and has emotions, but for some reason she is unable to just "lay down the law" for my Dad or even express how she feels. My Dad complains of having no cooked meals (i'm 25 my brother is 22 and we both live outside of our childhood home), not having a connection, not having this not having that. Well... you know what everyone diagnosed with MS DID NOT choose that path. It's not your fault! You know what "to death do us part...for sickness and in health.". 
All I can say is if he does go through with it get yourself a good lawyer. I wish you and your family the best!
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