Overprotective?

[Spydre]

Okay, my husband tries to be sympathetic to my needs, tries to anticipate possible problems when we are going anywhere. Well, tonight, I guess I just - I don't know. There is a high school football scrimmage tonight that the high school band is playing at. Not a game, so blah. But it's the band's first performance of their field show to the public, so I wanted to be there. I'm two days after getting my Tysabri infusion, and still having some side effects. Well, DH, though he means well, says that it's probably a good idea if I stay home because I'm still having the side effects, and he's going to be down in the band area because he's helping move the pit instruments, and so that would sit me with his parents.....with his mom constantly asking what she can do to help.... Truthfully, I think he made the recommendation just so I wouldn't have to deal with his mother while I'm not feeling well. But still, I would have liked to have seen the performance.

This isn't the first time he's done this - he tried to keep me home from the parent performance because of the heat, but I wanted to see the show - especially since it was the first time in 5 or 6 years that they've gotten the whole show put to music during drill camp. So I insisted on that one.

He did it with the VP fair/4th of July parade too. Granted, it was hot as blazes, and we would had to walk for blocks, and he was worried about me dealing with the heat of the parade, and then managing to be able to go to my brother's house that evening.

[voodoo]

Overprotective?

It sounds like he is really trying to be supportive and help keep you healthy and feeling well. So many who post here have the exact opposite problem - it's a fine line, and he's probably just coming down on the side of 'keep her safe, keep her feeling well'. It's guy thing - ms is a ghost of an opponent that is threatening their loved one...they can't fight the 'ghost' so they try to do everything they can to make sure the boogey man can't get to you.

I gotta give kudos to the fact that your mother in law wants to help too. Have not heard that one at all.

[Jules A]

Only you know if his intentions are genuine and based on concern for your comfort and health. If so I'd embrace his overprotectiveness as endearing and just be firm about attending functions when you want to go.

Sadly with MS you just don't know what the future will bring and maybe next time you really won't be able to go so I would be sure to at least attempt to attend anything you feel you might enjoy.

[Paloums410]

I do the same thing to my husband. We notice things that you do not sometimes. He knows what will affect you and then affect him.(i know this sounds selfish) but, we hate to see you in any kind of pain or discomfort.

[Spydre]

Sometimes he's that overprotective, and other times he's just clueless - like asking me to do laundry when I was using a cane for a few days.

Two weeks ago son had a football game performance, and because it was 99 degrees, he wisely told me to stay home.

Wednesday, I have my Tysabri infusion, and I'm already flaring. My last Tysabri infusion gave me aches for several days. Son has a football game performance Friday night, and then a competition Saturday afternoon. We've decided (jointly) that because of my Tysabri side effects (and the flare) that I may not go to the football game....and he's taking a wait and see attitude about whether I go to the competition, too. The weather will be in mid 70's, but if we want to see just the preliminary awards we would have to be there three hours. And if we make it into the finals (overall top 10) we would be there longer if hubby was helping out with the pit crew, as the finals awards don't happen until 9. And I know what he's thinking. He's wanting to eliminate my time sitting on bleachers (my fioricet and flexeril would accompany me), so I would imagine he wouldn't be helping out with the pit crew this time out if I go. And if I don't go - well, he has camera duty, lol. Now that we have a good digital camera. He should have a decent view as he'd be standing on the track at the sidelines.

So it seems he's more overprotective of me when it comes to leaving the house. At home, for most things, he lets me make my own decisions (like if I feel well enough to get on the computer, do I need help getting into the shower. I suppose when I was on the cane I should have just asked him to do the laundry instead of me, but he was taking over everything else - I cooked one meal in two weeks - and I could manage the laundry if the kids brought the load into the laundry room for me. I just couldn't fold it.

[rdmc]

Only you and he can determine his motives...seems like you need to have a sit down and talk it through.

But speaking from years of experience, I totally trust my husband to decide if I'm in any shape to go somewhere or not. He sees me function, he's seen what kind of situations really take their toll, and I let him make the call when it comes to activities.

That being said, he's the first to say, "If you really want to go, I'll get you there...we'll make it happen.". But I know from experience that sometimes Just because I want to do something doesn't mean it's a good idea.

I'm not sure why this is, but he seems to have a much better
memory of consequences of my overdoing than I do. Probably because when I overdo he has to pick up the slack, but he does that on a regular basis.

Just saying'...sometimes someone else sees what we don't when it comes to how MS is affecting us.

[Spydre]

Well, he didn't give me a choice when it came to the football game - I was NOT going, but that's okay because I had some extra problems today. And the band ended up not performing because it was raining, and we lost 50 - 6 (yikes!) The game ended up being called at the third quarter the lead was so large.

Tomorrow, unless he sees something he doesn't like, I expect he will let me choose whether to go or not, but he's already said we aren't staying for finals....so we may only be there four hours.

[Jaspie]

I would embrace his overprotectiveness. Be firm if you want to go somewhere when you want to. A lot of men feel like they need to protect their women. The only way he feels he can protect you is by doing what he does. Once you get symptoms he is lost as to what he can do so prevention is the key to him. Just be firm and try not to let it bother you as hard as it is.

[Jules A]

Well, he didn't give me a choice when it came to the football game - I was NOT going, but that's okay because I had some extra problems today. And the band ended up not performing because it was raining, and we lost 50 - 6 (yikes!) The game ended up being called at the third quarter the lead was so large.

Tomorrow, unless he sees something he doesn't like, I expect he will let me choose whether to go or not, but he's already said we aren't staying for finals....so we may only be there four hours.

I'm not understanding the part about you not having a choice about attending the football game.

Maybe I'm just contrary but dammned if anyone is going to tell me I'm NOT going somewhere. If I had to hire a cab and a private duty nurse my butt would have been at that game.