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    When do you tell your new boyfriend...

    Hello,

    I am sure this has been discussed here, but I am brand new to these boards.

    I was diagnosed in 2000. I look great and most people would never suspect I have a disability. However, like a lot of people who have MS, the disease shows after activity like walking, biking, etc.

    I was married before, so this was not an issue. Now I am single and dating.

    Yesterday I was on a date. We parked near the beach and then my date decided we should walk four blocks to the restaurant. I knew that wouldn't work for me, but when you are young like me, what's your excuse? Why would you ask to drive four blocks instead of walk? It seems so princess like, you know? What kind of girl would rather drive four blocks than walk on a beautiful warm and sunny evening?

    I decided to tell the guy that I just had knee surgery.

    What do single girls with MS do in these kinds of situations?

    And at what point do you tell someone about your disease?

    Thanks for reading my post, and I hope to hear from lots of you.

    Staci

    #2
    Hi Staci

    Welcome!

    Yesterday I was on a date. We parked near the beach and then my date decided we should walk four blocks to the restaurant. I knew that wouldn't work for me, but when you are young like me, what's your excuse? Why would you ask to drive four blocks instead of walk? It seems so princess like, you know? What kind of girl would rather drive four blocks than walk on a beautiful warm and sunny evening?

    I decided to tell the guy that I just had knee surgery.

    What do single girls with MS do in these kinds of situations?

    And at what point do you tell someone about your disease?
    Hopefully you will get some good feedback about your situation.

    Personally, I don't have the dilemma of "should I tell?"

    I have very obvious deficits, so I don't really have a choice but to disclose that I have MS. (Fabricating a different condition is not an option that I would choose, and it really wouldn't accomplish anything anyways)

    I'm sure it's different though, when you're leading a fairly normal life with MS, and have no visible deficits.

    I think it's great that you are doing well after 11 years with MS. May you continue to be well..

    Take care,
    KoKo
    PPMS for 26 years (dx 1998)
    ~ Worrying will not take away tomorrow's troubles ~ But it will take away today's peace. ~

    Comment


      #3
      first date

      I told my first date/ now husband the very first time I met him. Just told him upfront that I have a chronic illness, what i was, how it affected me and if he didn't think he could deal with it, I'd understand. That was 5 years ago and he's hanging in there and truly my greatest support.

      Comment


        #4
        i have been single for 3 yrs, but only dx 18 months ago.
        i manage quite well, no canes or anything so to look at me you wouldnt know i had ms. But i always tell on the first date/conversation. i wouldnt want something this important to be kept a secret from me by my potential partner, i would be furious if i was lied to about it. if he doesnt accept it then tough..it will never go away.

        Comment


          #5
          Do I or Don't I?

          Tell him on the first date. I'm a terrible liar, and yes, I do feel like it is lying.

          It is always easier said than done, I didn't tell anyone for a few months after being dx 2 years ago, except my wife of course.

          Tell them to research it on their own and then you'll discuss it with them and how it effects you. I don't know how this helps but I just wanted to throw my 2cents in.

          Do what you feel is best.

          Be HAPPY

          Comment


            #6
            I told on the first date because I did not want that obstacle
            between us. It worked out fine for me. My date who is now
            my husband did not mind and was happy I told him. I felt
            a lot better also. I felt easier that I did not have to hide
            the secret and let it get in the way.

            Good Luck.
            What YOU Are Is ... GOD'S Gift to You
            What YOU Make Of Yourself Is ... Your Gift To GOD

            Comment


              #7
              I am not a single girl, but I will give you some advice.

              Starting any relationship/friendship with a lie is not a good idea. I think in the long run, you would be better off to say something right away.

              This will start the relationship off on the right foot, and if it scares a guy away -- he's not someone you want to be with anyway. And, then you can take care of yourself and not overdo things because you don't have to hide your MS.

              I give you this advice, but again, I am not in your position.

              Good luck with your decision.

              Comment

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