had to share.......

[sunshine008]

hi,

so i posted a few days ago about my marriage falling apart my husband losing it and well i had to tell him either get help or leave.

He's getting help. I'm relieved, it won't be easy i'm sure yet he said he'll truly go to the pyschiatrist this time get a medication for his anger, and go back into therapy.

I had to share it, worst week of my life the stress was so bad. I think I probably need to work on therapy myself for now, ive been going yet im sure there are things i can do about controlling me thru this.

thanks for those of you who not knowing me being an MS newbie were there for me, i appreciate it alot. i'm sure i'll be here again as this goes thru its' stages i'm sure it won't be easy like i said.

[Toomnyhats]

Glad to hear this Sunshine!

I pray he sticks with it & the two of you get the help you need (both individually & as a couple)

Thank you for updating us.

[cosake]

Glad to hear that hubby is getting some help - for real. It means that he does care and wants the marriage to work.

I hope for your sake (and the kids') that he can get himself under control to stop the anger and the lying.

Take care of yourself !

[sunshine008]

thanks, you know I do really well on my own, and with this new ms thing. Yet i have to learn some of my own techniques of staying "ok" and in my zone when others around me are out of wack.

Does that make sense? I am almost always at peace with me, what i'm doing etc. yet I can get side railed super quick either by him and I allow myself to get emotionally pulled in or even at times with my daughter.

I don't know if others are able to master this skill. Yet I'm finding it real difficult not to let others affect my mood, especially those who i love.

as far as the lying goes, I think it's childish and ridiculous he's the kid i'm the parent. I think i have to learn not to control so much and let things lie sometimes or just be.

we'll c rough part is his appt isn't for another 4 weeks, they had nothing sooner. so we're doing some herbals for now in teh interim

[Des]

I see a psychiatrist to whom I can tell anything, and don't have to worry about complaining too much or something. He helps me deal with MS--I'm the one who has it and my DH does not--and the other parts of life that I need help with.

[Spydre]

Sunshine, I'm glad your husband is going to be getting help. One thing, though..... he has to make sure that he's decided to get help because he needs it, not because you pushed him into it - otherwise it won't work, and he'll become resentful. That's one reason why I haven't pushed hubby into getting help for his depression/anxiety. If he's doing it because I told him to, he just won't keep the appointments, or he just won't take the meds, (both of these have happened before) so I've been there. The difference though, is it hasn't threatened our marriage, except when he gets resentful because I can't do something around the house.

Although, I have to say, right now I'm having more issues with my MS than my husband does. But I do have a very good psychiatrist and counselor that I can talk to about everything, and my last psych appointment was mainly about my MS.

As for being married to the child and you being the parent, I get that too. If we need up in the morning for something, I generally have to go through lots to wake hubby up - I missed a neuro appointment Friday because I couldn't get him up. Luckily I was rescheduled to this Friday.

[sunshine008]

i agree w/you on that 100%. that's what i asked him repeatedly.

i dont' know, whether it's fear on his part of finding out what his deal truly is, or what. he def. knows he needs to work things out and dig out the skeletons. yet not everyone can do that ya know?

it's hard to face the past and see things and handle them instead of sweeping them under the carpet. for us it isnt' situational so much it's more his past i think, plus i'm sure all this stress has made it all come to a head worse.

we'll c how it goes. couldnt' get an appt till august 1st. so it's a bumpy ride til than. luckily we've figured out how to seperate when he's in his mood. so i took kids the other day for a bit while he cleaned garage than we all did dinner together.

how did it go w/your husband and the counseling idea? glad you could reschedule appt. their hard to get.

[lemstar]

Sunshine--I can relate to what you said about being okay within yourself, but reacting to others. I found, especially shortly after my diagnosis, that I was okay, handling it all remarkably well, solid, standing on my own two feet, etc.....until something (anything) happened. When a stressor appeared, other than my MS, I was suddenly overwhelmed. It was like, I can handle the MS, or I can handle life, but not both. It has gotten much better. Hang in there.