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Stopping at 1 child

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    Stopping at 1 child

    I've been a member of the forum for 2 years but have only posted a couple of times - forgot all about it until recently!

    I have a 3 year old son - he is great, full of energy, humour and occasional tantrums like many 3 year olds.
    My DH is wonderful, he's my best friend. We've known each other 25 years now and we married 7 years ago. After much discussion we've decided our family is complete. It is breaking both of our hearts, we'd always wanted two children. Have any of you parents with MS made similar decisions? How did you reach an acceptance of this?

    I suppose I feel quite lucky, despite this sad decision. I had 3 miscarriages before I had my son and I am so glad to have had him. My MS has been around over 20 years too, but only dx'd 13 years - but I suspect it's starting to change and I can't imagine handling more children and worse mobility - because it's quite good at the moment. It has not always been as well-behaved as it is now.....

    Just would be nice to hear from other MS'ers in a similar position.........

    Glad you found us again!

    My DH and I have been together nearly 25 years. too.
    Congratulations to you!

    Reading what a proud parent you are is wonderful.
    Some of my friends are now grandparents of 3 year olds now. Such energy they have!

    I hope others share experiences for you.

    I sometimes think about how much our dog tires me, which is nothing compared to a child. She is smart, but not that smart.

    Please come back and visit the site again.
    It is wonderful to have fellow MS friends "across the pond".


      I'm not there yet as we're leaning towards trying to give my 23 month old a sibling, but there's a definite possibility that he'll remain an only child and that makes me sad.

      Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.


        I have read several studies showing that only children generally do better in life than children form families with more than one.

        A disproportionate share of US presidents were only children.

        Children are very expensive, so if you have just one, the money goes a lot farther, and you are more likely to be able to afford those "extras" - dance lessons, sports teams, summer camps, tutoring when needed, the "right" clothes - if you have just one child.

        The only child gets more of his/her parents' attention since it is not spread amongst many kids.

        If you want/wanted more kids, it is sad to give up that plan due to MS. But the studies show that not only will your child not suffer for being an "only," but he/she is likely to do better in the long run.

        I'm very sorry for your disappointment, and I hope it works out OK for your family.


          I think accepting our limitations and making insightful decisions without allowing our emotions to rule us is crucial as adults especially with something as unpredictable as MS.

          Unfortunately MS does take things from us but you are blessed to have your dear son and he will only benefit from being an only if that is the best thing for your family. I wish you an easy time of it.
          He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.


            We stopped at one...

            My DD will be an "only". She just turned 4 (going on 14), and she will not have a sibling. I just turned 40, my DH is in his 40's, and we just don't have the energy for another.

            We contemplated it for a while, but in the end felt this was best for my health. I just don't have the energy anymore to deal with a baby/toddler, so it's ok.

            There are LOTS of times that I wish she had a sibling to go play with instead of ME, but that was a choice we made, not her.

            Good luck with your decision...I hope you have peace with it.
            Dx May 2002 RRMS
            Rebif Sept 2002 to June 2011
            Gilenya June 2011 - present
            EDSS 0.0


              Me too!

              Hi there!

              I am in the same position. I have a beautiful 4 year old little girl. She is very healthy and very very active. I talk about having another baby all the time but my hubby only responds with, "I think another baby might kill you!" He is obviously exaggerating but the point is made perfectly clear. He doesn't think I can handle another child.

              My heart is completely broken and I tear up just thinking about it. My girl asks me for a brother or sister all the time and I want to badly to give it to her. I completely feel that our family is not complete. I have a little brother and I so very much wish she could have one too.

              My Nuero says I just need to get "healthy" and we can talk about another child. He is very positive about it, much more than my last two Nuero's. And by healthy, he means loosing the last 40lbs that I need to be at close to healthy weight. It's been a little bit easier being home (was laid off in June) because I'm not stress eating but it's still a slow process.

              So, I feel your pain. I still have not accepted the fact that I might not have another child. I can't and I won't accept it! I'm going to try like hell to loose the weight and work really hard on feeling better. This disease has already crushed all of my other dreams so I'm going to work hard to hang on to this one.

              Sorry just needed to vent.



                I can only tell from my experience. Ive been dealing with MS since I was a teenager. I had 3 wonderful children and am now a grammy!! My symptoms actually went away during my pregnancies and I did quite well afterwards. I have a strong philosophy, I have MS, but MS does NOT have me.... I have lived by that. I wanted a big family. Well, I didnt quite get all the kids I wanted, but 3 felt perfect, I had my 2 girls and then finally my only son. I had family to help when I needed them. I have fought this disease for +20 yrs now, and glad my kids are grown as my condition is getting bad now. I did what I felt was right for me, and you have to do the same for you. I didnt want my children to grow up alone, like some friends of mine. They always said how they wished they had a brother or sister. I was 1 of 2 and my sister passed away 10 yrs ago, now I finally see what my friends were talking about, being alone. Good luck to you and best wishes


                  I understand all of the reasons for not having another biological child, but if you & DH want another child why not adopt? There are many children in this world who need parents. Check with your local state officials about fostering to adopt.
                  DX 10/2008
                  Beta Babe 12/2008-07/2013
                  Tecfidera 07/2013-01/2018
                  Aubagio 01/18-09/20

                  Ocrevus 09/20-present


                    If it makes you feel any better, I am an only child and am quite happy with that .

                    As I got older the more I appreciated it because my parents were financially in a better place and able to help me out more when I needed it. Not that you will suddenly be rich or anything, but helping one child with a car or college is easier than helping 2 or 3.

                    When I was little, it could be a little lonely here and there, but I knew some friends that couldn't stand their siblings and were super envious of me...ha ha.

                    I kept myself plenty busy and have learned to be very independent (which I have to let go of a bit when MS rears its head for a visit).

                    My friends became my brothers and sisters and I became aunt to their kids.

                    It's a tough decision for sure! I am sure I will be there someday soon, too
                    dxd RRMS 7/2011 - Rebif 8/2011 - Tecfidera 7/2013


                      First of all, I'd like to thank all of you for your diverse replies. It was so good to read them all. Each reply meant so much to me. There were things to consider and savour in every reply.

                      I wanted to update you all on where I got to with the soul-searching. It's taken my hubby and I 6 months to decide, but over the Christmas holidays we cleared the attic of all the baby clothes, donated them to friends and charity and have made our peace with having an only child.
                      This year I am 40. I think I have enough to deal with without a newborn. MS has taken many hopes, ambitions and assets from me, but I refuse to live my life mourning the loss of this. I will always feel sad, granted, but my son is a gift. Every day (even when he's driving me nuts and I'm shattered) I love, enjoy, appreciate and understand him. Once, I didn't think I'd even have one child, so I'm going to keep that in mind.

                      I am also very thankful that we live in a town where he is within a 2 mile radius of 8 first-cousins, who all love him, so the lack of a sibling is sad, but his cousins go some way to making him feel part of a wider clan.

                      So finally, we have our decision. And we are at peace about it. And thank you for helping us.


                        Single Child

                        Hi Guzzy! First I would like to thank you for the very nice reply that you gave me on my other post. Its REALLY nice to know that I am reaching someone. Just the things that you had mentioned like simply going out to your birdfeeder or sitting down to eat breakfast are the things that matter most! There isn't one memory that I have lost of things like that. Money buys material, not Love. Spending time with your child is what love is all about. I honestly feel very very lucky that I have been able to spend as much time with my mom as I have. For me, being able to help my mom with MS and helping take care of her has made a bond between us stronger than words could ever explain and I think that you will find the same thing with your son.

                        But back to your current post, I wanted to tell you that I am an only child. For my mom and dad it wasn't as much of a decision as it was a last chance. The doctors told my mom that if she didn't have a child then, that she wouldn't be able to. And now, here I am. Please don't feel bad that you've decided on a single child. Think of it more as just all the more time that you can spend with him. Cherish your time together and he will most certainly do the same!


                          I always thought I would have at least 4 children--- I planned to adopted 3 more b/c of how much I love children and how many children are in need of parents.

                          My daughter is 14 and we are very close. She has told me on numerous occassions that she loves being "the one and only." My husband is her step dad, and she is his only child and my ex's only child as well. 1 she calls dad; the other she calls daddy.

                          I spend as much time as I can with children in the community; and pray that we can open our home to older foster children who are free for adoption as well. Right now, "more," isin't fiesable. I refuse to dwell on that- instead I focus on not missing any of the good stuff w/my daughter, who is the light of my life.
                          You never fail, until you stop trying__Albert Einstein


                            I can see from the dates that this was posted a while ago but I just saw it and it hit home. I am 32 years old and have a beautiful, energetic, loving 2 year old son. I always wanted atleast 2 children but know now that that is not a good idea. I was off my medicine for over 2 years when I was trying to concieve and luckily I did very well. Pregnancy was wonderful, I felt so lucky to be pregnant that I loved every minute, even the uncomfortable parts. After I had him I had a flair up when he was about 8 weeks old, my hands went completely numb, I also feel that my MS symptoms have gotten worse since having him and I do not want to put myself in jepordy to have another baby and get even worse and not be able to take care of my children. As much as I want another baby I feel I am a better mother with just one and I am at peace with my decision. I want to give my son the best life and I can and stay as healthy as I can for him.
                            Good luck to you.


                              My husband and I have been together for 7 years now. He is stepdad to my son, who was 6 at the time and is now 13.

                              My MS diagnosis came one year into the relationship.

                              We did decide to try and have a child together, but without going into the whole story, health and life got in the way as we tried.

                              My son desperately wanted a sibling and was broken hearted at the thought of not having one.

                              I instituted an "open house" policy. His friends are always welcome to come over, to stay, to come and study, to drop in as long as it's OK with their parents, and we don't have commitments elsewhere at the time. And often if we do, they simply come along with us.

                              We now have a home with kids in it in a very regular basis, his friends love coming here, and my son - although he doesn't have a sibling - is very happy with the outcome.

                              We also have friends with a similar attitude, and my son is always welcome at their house without invitation.

                              How it will go as he moves further into his teens, I'm not sure. But right now it's working well.
                              Diagnosed 11/2007, Copaxone 8/2008 - 2/2013, Aubagio 3/2013 - 11/2013