i'm struggling a bit.....

[sunshine008]

hi

so i'm having a hard week. My daughter isn't the easiest child, i love her dearly yet she has several dx's of her own. she is bipolar, and also ocd. It makes parenting hard.

she was in two hospitals this year alone, i lived in two diff states for a period of time due to an eating disorder she had.

so i'm just venting i guess. i'm finding it hard to sleep because she's at me each night till 3 or 4 a.m. whenever she's manic.

i just have to try to figure out a way how to stay healthy thru parenting her. clearly i haven't done a good job of that so far since i'm in the boat i'm in with ms.

clearly states ms is brought on by some type of trauma and that's basically all it's been with her since 12 years ago when this beautiful child entered my world.

anyone else parenting a child with a dx and struggling to stay healthy with ms.

[SNOOPY]

clearly states ms is brought on by some type of trauma and that's basically all it's been with her since 12 years ago when this beautiful child entered my world.

I hope I am misunderstanding what you have written --- are you suggesting your MS was brought on or triggered by your daughters behavior/mental health problems?

If so all I can say is...Wow!

As a parent of a child who has a Psychiatric history I can say without a doubt my daughter did not, at anytime, trigger or cause a worsening of my MS.

If anything my daughter allowed me to not focus on this damn disease but to focus on her wellbeing and learning to cope with her problems. I also have a son, husband, animals and a house to take care of. Although, my children are now 19 & 21...they were born after my diagnosis.

[kbloom2]

Hello, I am sorry to hear you are struggling with your DD. I have to disagree with you when you said that Ms is triggered by trauma in ones life. If that was the case then everyone in the world would have Ms that would not be good LOL.

The last 4yrs were horrible, my oldest daughter was having issues from running away to attacking me, to her accusing her dad of things that were NEVER TRUE, to her stripping, to her doing drugs, to her shoplifting. Now that she is 20 yrs old she Actually apologized for everything she has put us through. Children are born with their own blue prints. We as parents can guide them on the right path and hope they follow what we have taught them. We did the best we can do as parents.

Yes stress can trigger symptoms but not the Ms itself..
I really am sorry for all the things you are going through with your DD, but it will get better. Big hugs
Kari

[sunshine008]

Let me clarify she didn't CAUSE me to have ms. Yet her issues cause me to have extreme flare up's..... this past year being the absolute worst living in two different states and her admitted into hospitals.

The research i did stated that extreme upset trauma in life can cause ms IF a person is predisposed to get it, genetically etc. that their still trying to figure out. make sense?

Anyway, see for me it's just the opposite i've been sooo focused on her for years, diff meds, approaches, therapy the shock of the initial diagnosis. So I have to flip it around the other way now and put me in the front seat and her in the back as passenger so to speak. Ofcourse i'll still do her therapy, meds, research try to figure out how to help her.

So, maybe you can give me tips since you seem to have a better coping mechanism for handling a child with a mental illness and our disease. that's exactly what i was looking for i'd love to hear it.

I used to work in mental health with children just like mine. i know all the tricks etc. yet right now she isnt' liking the fact that mom's got center stage for a bit, her anxiety is thru the roof over my illness that we've all played down so very much here in my home.

Sheesh i'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and what you have sustained.... my oh my what torture kids will put you thru lol. i could share about my current 18 year old situation yet let's just say she' outta control, arrested this year on theft charges, didn't attend school, doesn't live here. just the past mos since my dx she's beginning to get her life together. so i thank ms for that!!

[SNOOPY]

Yet her issues cause me to have extreme flare up's

So I have to flip it around the other way now and put me in the front seat and her in the back as passenger so to speak.

sunshine008,

I have a problem with the above statement...I am, quite simply...shocked.

If you yourself are not in therapy then I would suggest you look into it. It sounds like you need professional help on how to cope with your daughter, stress and MS.

Your daughter doesn't deserve to take a "back seat" simply because you have been diagnosed with MS. You didn't ask to get MS and your daughter didn't ask to have mental health problems.

Many symptoms of stress mimic those of MS. As someone who has an anxiety disorder, MS and a daughter who was/is extremely challenging and difficult I will disagree with you about stress causing flare-ups. Even Neurologists differ on this subject.

You, as her mother, have a responsibility to put your daughters health first and deal with the MS the best you can...IMO. You have more coping skills than your 12 year old daughter.

[sunshine008]

clearly you and i wont' be conversing on here LOL.

Listen I don't know what your child has or doesnt' and i'm sorry you too have to struggle with it, it isn't easy. Yet my daughter has extreme issues, has for years has been called a "complex" case by a slew of psychiatrists.

Facts are what they are and yes for me stress equals flare up's. thats' how my body works.

there is nothing wrong with stating child belongs in back seat, thats where it's safest anyway in a car. It is my fault as her parent that I allowed her to sit in the front seat so to speak for so long. We manage our entire daily life around her needs, it is unhealthy and have been told so by many great doctor's so we started changing household provisions for her quite some time ago.

Part of having ms is learning to put yourself first. Not only is it healthiest for the ms person yet also extremely healthy for children to see their parents taking good healthy care of themselves. It's healthy role modeling.

so, sorry I shocked you yet we all have an opinion i wasn't looking to be told i need therapy. was just looking for some other parents with whom have children who have dx's and how they cope with that and ms.

I guess you do not want to share that info.. that's fine. thanks anyway.

being a parent btw doesn't mean we need to be martyrs... I for years ran to hospitals, testing, neuropysch exams, school mtgs, advocate and advocate yet forgot to take care of me along the way. Now with this it's making me be better to me and making me teach her how to self advocate for herself now that she's entering the teen years.

i won't debate this any further. if you had tips which is what i was looking for great otherwise i'm done with the pointless back and forth.

[SNOOPY]

Part of having ms is learning to put yourself first. Not only is it healthiest for the ms person yet also extremely healthy for children to see their parents taking good healthy care of themselves. It's healthy role modeling.

so, sorry I shocked you yet we all have an opinion i wasn't looking to be told i need therapy. was just looking for some other parents with whom have children who have dx's and how they cope with that and ms.

I guess you do not want to share that info.. that's fine. thanks anyway.

being a parent btw doesn't mean we need to be martyrs...

I am not a martyr. I am a mother that did what I needed to do for her child so that child could grow up to become a productive and independent adult.

I did share information with you on how to cope with MS and a child that has difficulties...therapy. You don't want to hear it A therapist can offer you coping skills, recommend books, ect...oh, I forgot, you don't want help

There is a book you can read (doubt you will). The title is Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul T Mason, MS and Randi Kreger.

You know nothing about what we, as a family, have dealt with in regards to our daughter or the diagnoses she has recieved as well as the journey to help her.

I am not interested in "one upmanship" so you can play the "I have it worse" card...doesn't matter to me.

Learning to live with MS is living life as normally as possible and not to allow the disease to become the focus of your life. I'm not sure what about MS makes you think you put yourself first above others...imo, that sounds very self-centered.

I have had MS most of my life. MS does not give me special rights nor do I feel I come first above the rest of my family.

Feel free to add me to your ignore list

[sunshine008]

wasn't stating that you were, was simply stating what alot of parents forget because we are all selfless in our parenting because we love our kids is taking care of ourselves.

for me that was and is the case, so i stated so and stated yes i go first now, she will not be center of attention to the extent that she has been.

you do not know me, my parenting nor anything else. i am in therapy by the way which i had stated in my earlier post yet you didn't read clearly, i have read almost every book out there on parenting kids with mental illness and i also worked in the field for quite sometime.

why you took offense to any of it i do not know. i stated i was searching for other parents w/challenging kids. i could see how my first post was a bit off, yet cleared that up.

you just seem angry, i am sorry that you are. i am a great parent have always been, a wonderful advocate for her and without me and her strong will we would not be where we are. so think first before you judge someone especially on the internet where we dont' really have all the info we would like in order to place judgement if one does want to do that.

i will look into that book, i do not think i've heard of it before so thank you.

i hope you calm down and work thru whatever anger you have.

i have no need to put you on an ignore list that's just childish.

be well

[jazzgirl]

I HATE doing this, but I feel that this thread would be better off closed.

Sunshine, I'm sorry that you received this diagnosis, and hope that things go well for you. You certainly do have more than your fair share of challenges.