Dating - how long do you give someone to decide?

[rensi]

So I was just diagnosed with MS at the end of March. I have been "dating" someone since December and told him as soon as I found out. He is still deciding whether or not he is comfortable with my MS and if he still wants to date me. He's only having a hard time since we started talking before I found out. Anyone I meet after him won't have this hard of a time deciding. How long do I wait for him to make a decision before I just cut my losses and walk away?

[Jules A]

I think you ask a good question and my interpretation from what you have written is: after dating this person for over six months and him knowing about MS for the past few months he just isn't interested in you in that way, MS or not.

Personally I wouldn't wait more than a day or two for the person to digest the information and do some research before I moved on. To me MS is just to difficult on everyone involved to have someone that is on the fence.

[rensi]

Thanks Jules. We've actually discussed marriage, kids, me relocating to be with him. I think he's just hesitant because his dad died of a progressive disease and he's not sure he can handle being with someone who has one as well.

[RoyaleMSer]

I was kind of in the same boat... My BF's ex-wife has MS and he left her because of their sexual relationship issues, mostly because she was totally and completely numb down there, felt nothing, so had absolutely no sex drive and avoided the situation at all costs. This ruined what relationship there was.

He moved on to me, but I must admit, we have no problems in the bedroom. He knows that I am PRMS but is also aware of my employment in the sex industry and knows there is no way that I will let our bedroom life lapse. He is hesitant to get into a serious relationship because of what happened in his marriage. I was left to wonder if the relationship is worth investing in. Ultimately we decided that until he is ready to commit, we are free to date whoever we like but are exclusive in the bedroom unless I am working.

So far this is working great! I am free to work, he is free to explore other avenues, and at the end of the day we come back to each other. Other options are available for those who are creative and really want to be with each other but are not certain about committing!

[Redwings]

Hi rensi:
It sounds like you've already waited long enough. One more day will be too long. You don't need to be involved with someone who's so wishy-washy that he can't figure out how he feels about something. Preserve your dignity and walk away without regrets.

[Toomnyhats]

I agree with Jules & Redwings, but I would give someone a week or so to "digest & research". I think your guy's week is up ...

[Cartoonist2]

I left my ex because he was an ogre and I knew my physical decay would make matters worse. I wasn't diagnosed yet. I met my current hub when I wasn't in the best shape, so he knew I had health issues. When I was diagnosed, although I suspected a loooooong time before that, I told hub he had a choice. I loved him enough to let him go, if he couldn't cope. He asked if I was nuts

I would have given that guy a very, very brief time to think about it. You are not a shopping cart that is there to use when he feels like it. His time is long overdue.

[poponabibo]

Well maybe you don't need to wait for his decision. If he can't understand your situation, then he is not deserving for you. If he really likes or loves you, even if he knows that you have MS, he will still love you and will be there for you to battle this condition.

[sunshine008]

jumping in late..... i agree as well. Even though you haven't dated that long, if you have already spoken about a life together and he's stating he's on the fence than you have to walk away.

Now is the easy time, you just got dx'd, symptoms aren't severe yet. What happens down the line?? see my point.

when I got dx'd my husband and i had just gotten married only a year ago, we have had a hard year with our kids (2nd marriage) and this dx' was another nail in our coffin so to speak.

I said to him you can leave if you want ms isn't an easy thing to cope with, i'll always have it and it's a life long journey. He said I'll always take care of you.

you deserve only the best anyone has to offer, remember that ms or no ms

[Sweetietngirl]

Well maybe you don't need to wait for his decision. If he can't understand your situation, then he is not deserving for you. If he really likes or loves you, even if he knows that you have MS, he will still love you and will be there for you to battle this condition.

I agree....