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In pain most of the time, boyfriend is mean about it.

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    In pain most of the time, boyfriend is mean about it.

    So I have this boyfriend of almost four years and was diagnosed about six months ago. He is not a caretaker, just helps take out garbage because I can't safely get down hill to get to dumpster.

    Well, lately he's been increasingly unaccepting of my symptoms. Like tonight, took me ten minutes to get the garbage out and I ended up taking a fall. I come back in, in excruciating full body pain, and get told to quit being lazy and exaggerating my pain. Apparently that hill is not that bad and I am just a drama queen. It I have been lying in the same position for three hours because moving gets the tears going.

    Anyone else whose pain just gets dismissed? What did you do?
    Diagnosed with RRMS on 3/15/2013...beware the ides of March!
    Rebif from 5/2013 - 09/2014.
    Gilenya since 11/2014.
    Also taking vitamin D3, fish oil, magnesium, and B12.
    EDSS 3.

    MS is progressive so your symptoms, many invisible, will most likely increase over time. Even with a supportive wife there are difficult and trying times. I cannot imagine having to go through that with someone that belittled me or my suffering. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

    You probably don’t want to hear this, but here it goes.

    Chivalry is not dead; it’s just something your boyfriend does not possess. If you want someone supportive you need to find someone else. You already know his behavior is unacceptable and you need/want something better. My honest advice is to not have a boyfriend at the 4-year mark. I would not try to talk/argue/complain/manipulate the situation +/- him where he temporarily met your needs. Too often we ignore obvious warning signs of future problems, but we minimize their behaviors to not be alone or think we do not deserve more.

    If you are determined to remain in the relationship, I would try to change the things that are within your control (not his behavior). It sounds like you live in an apartment with a dumpster. I would first minimize your need for this “boyfriend.” Talk to the property manager and see if they can move you to an apartment with easier access to the dumpster. Try to find a neighbor to take out the garbage, maybe you can leave it just outside your door. You might even consider moving back home if that is an option.

    Every day you spend with the wrong person is a day less you are available for the right person.


      aredmosquito, please listen to Marco.

      Well said, Marco. Succinct and to the point.

      MS is difficult enough without having to deal with someone who doesn't understand and seemingly doesn't care. I am so sorry for what you are having to deal with. Stress that isn't necessary will only aggravate your MS, and this is the last thing you want or need.


        aredmosquito; Like Marco and ru4cats said...start planning your escape, whether it be with him present or not! fed


          Same situation

          I know actually what your going through, my girlfriend of 10 years seems to think that I fake the pain, I was diagnosed about 8 months ago, had problems that started a year and a half ago and the doctor said i was fine, an idiot!

          So, now I can barely walk my left leg doesn't work half the time and the pain is all the time, she doesn't have a clue on how this illness has affected me. And every day i have to hear about how she has pain and she keeps moving . and I should do the same.

          I'm very sorry about what your going through with you boyfriend, but don't let it get to you, me i just tune it out. Getting upset only makes it worse, just keep moving forward.

          ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **


            Marco has nailed this perfectly!

            Sounds like you made a bad four year investment.
            Please don't make it a lifetime choice.

            Many people are too selfish to have compassion for others.
            They can fake it for a short time but it is just an act. Soon their true nature will come thru.

            You may love this man but do you really want to live like this forever?
            Being alone is better than being with someone that treats you poorly.
            Please remove yourself from this person before he crushes your self-esteem and ruins your life.
            You can do so much better!

            You are a lovable person but this person does not understand what it is to love somebody.
            It is painful to end a relationship. It is best to do it quickly.(like ripping off a Band-Aid.)

            It is romantic and nice to think his behavior will change, but you have a better chance of winning the lotto.

            Please think about yourself and what you want in your life.
            Do you really want to live like this forever?
            How much more of your limited time do you want to spend on someone that has no thoughts of helping you?

            If you want to be loved you need to be with someone capable of love.

            A fully developed person would never treat you like a door-mat.
            Do you want this man to be the father of your children?

            I will pray for strength for you.


              unsympathic boyfriend

              MS is hard enough to deal with, tougher with an unwelcoming mate/spouse. It is easy for us to say "dump him", due to feeling of being alone. But in the long run you will be better off. I am fortunate to have supportive hubby, but he even was less than accepting of my issues ( mind you I just got dx on 11-4 of this year). It took the neurologist to explain openly exactly what is causing my "pain-issues" for him to understand that for the past 17 years it was not all in my head.


                Hey rd mosquito sorry to be so blunt, but your boyfriend is a douche bag! One of his roles in your life is to be supportive and helpful, not critical and demeaning!!

                You deserve a partner who understands and who is helpful , not one who is so negative and mean.

                Obviously the decision is up to you, as to how much punishment you are willing to take from this guy, but please take a look at your life, take a look at the big picture . Does this guy affect you in any positive way? Is this a good, sharing, compromising and supportive relationship ? If not, you have some serious thinking to do, as to whether this relationship is healthy for you? If not, then consider moving on.

                You don't need negative baggage like this! MS is hard enough to deal with,and adding to this stress by being involved with a jerk ( that you have described)only makes your stress load even harder to cope with!

                God Bless!!


                  Aredmosquito. I'm so sorry for how your boyfriend is treating you. Regardless of whether you have MS or not no one should ever belittle you especially a significant other.

                  Before my MS diagnosis I was in an abusive relationship. Started with little comments to decrease my self esteem and got worse over time. I began to believe I was worthless since I was told that often. It took a lot to see that and get out but for my children I had to. I can't imagine being strong enough to do this if I knew MS was in my life too.

                  Please just try to look objectively at your relationship outside of your MS and make sure it is a healthy one for you. As others have said it usually gets worse not better. Take care and preserve your self esteem. The pain issue is hard. It is hard for people to understand how bad MS can make you feel especially with the symptoms that aren't so obvious.

                  If you stick it out with your boyfriend maybe he should go to one of your neuro appointments with you to ask questions about your symptoms and what makes them better or worse.

                  ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **



                    Definitely good advice. Please take it to heart..