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Bipolars - how do you do it?

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    Bipolars - how do you do it?

    'cause I'm weary beyond words. I know the damage from ms has affected my personality. My outbursts are uncontrollable - seemingly. I asked my therapist to start each session meditating for a few. Perhaps that will help me develop a regular routine. Not that I've ever had a routine in my life. at least it feels that way. Dignitas wants loads of paperwork bc of the mental issue. Foresic psychiatrist assessment. If I knew what they wanted I could try to plan it on a 'good day' bc I change so often. Not sure what they're looking for. Isn't it enough to have to chronic cureless disease that ravage your mind and body. But my body is rebelling. I skated 20 miles the other day. I never never did that. I won't go into the storm in my head but I flung my bike yesterday. It didn't go very far. Hopefully someone will appreciate it. I had a bottle of tequila and klonopin last night. A swig of this a dose of that. The klonopin won. My poor family. If they only knew. But if they only knew the constant constant tumultuousness maybe they'd take mercy. But they're so selfish. All books, people, movies say I'm the selfish one. But they're not in hell. I am! I want a painless way out. I'm so tired. If I make a friend the stress sends me to the hospital - I will not go back to the hospital. I need a faith, a religion of sorts. I'd join a cult if they would just tell me how to find peace.

    Any suggestions? (sorta tongue in cheek but hey I'm open to anything)
    thanks for reading.

    #2
    Sounds like you're on the right road. Peace is really only within the self, and if you learn to hold the void you find in your mind when you meditate that would get you there.

    I was going to jump in with the regular and proscribed platitudes, but I've been there and I know they won't help. I'd also guess that a few others here also "get it" not just with MS but also depression. You're never alone no matter how much it might feel that way.

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      #3
      Poetry, music, dialectic behavioral therapy.

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        #4
        Thank you thank you both.

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          #5
          I am so sorry that you are going through this! I suggest that you pray and read the bible, even if you don't think it'll help. Those that seek Him will find him and the peace that passes all understanding.

          I will be praying for you! Remember that you are not alone.

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