Monday the 4th was my 56th birthday. It was also the 26th anniversary of MS diagnosis. And now, I'm facing living for the first time in 30 years without my husband. I hate my life.
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Karen -
Hi Karenkay- I'd like to wish you a happy birthday and congrats on your MS anniversary! I suppose it doesn't seem happy or congratulatory given your circumstances and I'm so sorry you have had to endure so much.
I too have gone through a divorce (1st husband) and death (2nd husband). I don't know which was worse, but both caused so much stress and sorrow. Add MS to the mix, and I was devastated. It seemed like my life was all doom and gloom and my self worth was reduced to nothingness.
Have you sought some mental health help? I thought I could rise above each life changing event, but they were so much bigger than I could handle. So, I sought help from a therapist when I had reached the bottom. And with hard work and a few years, my clouds lifted slowly. The therapy was a godsend and saved my life!
My daughter eventually got a tattoo on her shoulder in honor of my struggles. It is of the Phoenix, the one that rises from the ashes to renew itself time after time.
My hope for you is that you will consider some therapy and you can rise again like this Phoenix. I don't generally tell my personal sorrowful story, but I thought it would help inspire you to get some help - when you're ready!
Just know that I am here to support you
1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
Administrator Message Boards/Moderator -
Seasha, thanks. You have a unique point of view, I guess. I have said I wished he had died instead of leaving me. I just feel so very ... discarded. I have been talking with a therapist.Originally posted by Seasha View PostKarenComment
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Karen -- Sorry to hear of your difficulties in coping with your losses. And, a birthday should be a happy occasion, but, because you share it with your MS anniversary, and you are now spending it without your husband, it has become a sad occasion, this year.
Wish I had something to say that could make things better, but, sometimes, with our losses, nothing makes it better except that the sadness might lessen over time.~ Faith
MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
(now a Mimibug)
Symptoms began in JAN02
- Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
- In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08.
- Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
- Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.
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I wish I could offer you an easy answer. Your situation is tough (not much different than mine except that I've been alive more years, had MS fewer and have more time without a husband).
You must be pretty awesome to have stayed married 26 years with MS. Now you are embarking on a new adventure. Being alone never feels warm and fuzzy in January.
The only thing I can tell you that has helped me during times like this is to do some little thing every day to comfort myself. Whether it's to sit out in the morning sun with a cup of coffee or plant a seed in a pot, it can give you some satisfaction, enjoyment and accomplishment. The bright side is that you can do things at your own pace, set your own schedule and call the shots in your life.
I hope you can find some places to go to be around people where there is no pressure. Whatever you can find to bring sunshine into your soul. In the meantime, get plenty of rest.Comment
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