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    Any military spouses?

    hmmm.. not sure what I want, just want my spouse to realize, recognize that the Military has Family Hardship excuse for deployment because It is hard on the family.

    He is Air Force reserve and volunteered for 123 day deployment. I just went on disability last September. I am not a well person. I fall on a regular basis, sometimes needing trips to ER. I was annoyed he went, he is back now, and I am still mad.

    Planning a visti to my mom's for a few days, so he can see how hard it is by himself to care for three kids. They are older kids, but that is not easy either.

    I don't know what I want. just to say I'm sorry life is so hard for you.. I want the kind of husband that makes my life easier, not harder... ughgh He grew up with absentee father, maybe that is part of his problem? Time and again, I am last on the priority list.

    Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

    Rosemary

    #2
    Army Gal says You are Right to be Mad!

    Rosemary,
    I spent six years active duty and the rest as a reservist, put my 20 in and got out. I was activated in 03 and spent a year in the desert leaving my daughter with my father because her dad and stepmother couldn't take her(that's another story and things are good with them now).

    In my six years of active duty, I spent most of it in Germany as a customs inspector clearing household goods coming back to the US. I learned that soldiers expect their wives to do all the home duties, even if the wives work. A military spouse is one of the hardest jobs in the military.

    My now ex-husband, who was also a reservist, made the obnoxious comment after our return from the desert that I used to keep the house in better shape before our deployment. My comment was that he lived in the house, too, and could do something. It really ticked me off, because I not only made twice what he made in our civilian jobs, but I was working as much overtime as I could to bring in more money. I now see that my worst symptoms were just beginning to rear their nasty heads. At no time did my ex-husband say, you are not well and something is wrong. I was supposed to work, clean, shop, cook, do the laundry and, since my daughter wasn't his, all the parental duties, too. Of course, the doctors were pretty clueless when I dared to go see a doctor, so can I really blame him? Depressed with my home life, I filed for divorce a year before my DX.

    I was almost activated again in 08 before my DX and since my feet were the only symptom that was there everyday the doctors weren't looking for MS. The podiatrist even told me that I could do more than I said I could. I told him that he either does the paperwork to keep me home or I will do everything in my power to get to the desert because I was not going to be stuck at some stateside post away from my family. I stayed home, along with a few others and there were some that judged us, but our families were grateful. One of our soldiers, had a wife who was in the middle of a problem pregnancy and her father was terminally ill with cancer. There was no way he would have been an asset to our unit in the desert with that going on at home and he also stayed home.

    I hope my story doesn't make you think your marriage is doomed. I saw many successful marriages in the military. It takes a lot of communication and support from both service member and the spouse. He may think that the financial reward of a deployment will help, but it won't help unless the family members are also able to deal with a deployment. Your story makes me want to hit your husband upside the head with a brick!

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      #3
      yep, we need some help.
      Staying five days with Mom, he goes back to civilian job in June. I may not do everything, but it feels that way, cuz so hard for me.
      Rosie

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        #4
        I got out of the Army for "undiagnosed neurological illness" now dx as MS. My husband is military reservist and has deployed multiple times prior to my diagnosis. I can understand your frustration. Sometimes I want help and it is not there. Other times I get help that I don't want and makes me feel like a child. Then other times, I get called names like "lazy" and told that I don't keep the house neat and tidy enough, despite MS and working full time and raising two children. Just know that you are not alone and if you need to vent, please find my contact information in my profile and know that there are others who understand completely, even if the situation may be just a little different for each one of us.

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          #5
          I am a military spouse...active duty Army. My husband has been deployed 6 out of the 11 years that he has been in. He also has suffered numerous blowups in Iraq...with a brain injury (minor).
          Im just in the diagnosing stages..but my neuro is 90% sure that its MS.
          My husband reenlisted because of the MS and the fact that the healthcare industry is so goofy right now....we needed the health coverage. (I also have a son who is 13 with severe mental illness.)
          I work full time...and I commute one hour each way for work. There are days where I cant remember the drive home....or even how to get home (thank God for GPS) from work. I do all of the cleaning and my son tries to help..the best he can. My husband has tried to help....usually not going well. lol
          It used to be that he wouldnt do anything at all..until I stopped doing. I stopped cooking, cleaning, washing clothes....etc. Then I talked to him about what it felt like to have TWO jobs full time...he has since started to help a little more.
          I think keeping the lines of communication open is the best thing. Have you ever considered that he volunteered for the deployment for the extra money, the health coverage, etc?

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