I Want Peace

[Daedae]

I Need Help. I Don't Think I'm Strong Enough To Deal With This. Only Reason Why I'm Holding On Now Is Because I Have To. Suicide Is Always On My Mind But The Only Reason I Haven't Done It Because It's A Easy Ticket To Hell. I Get Depressed A lot Now. For No Reason Out Of Nowhere I'll Get Sad, Mad, Angry, Annoyed, Irritated, Etc. I Start To Push Everyone Away, I Don't Mean To Though. I Just Wish I Was At Peace & Happy With My Life. I Use To Blame My Mom For This Disease Because She Give Birth To Me & I KNOW It's Wrong, I Regret Ever Thinking That. I Know This Isn't A Diary Or Anything But I Just Needed To Get This Off My Chest.

[Camsue]

Hi Daedae

I am sorry you are feeling so depressed..I hope you are talking/sharing this with your parents. You may need some help getting back on the 'right track'..but you won't get help unless you ask! Please talk to your Mom..

When you're feeling better you need to start taking control, make some goals for yourself and don't let this MonSter get the upper hand..Everyone feels sad sometimes, but then we go on and live our lives...you are so young, you have a lot of life left to live, so please get some help...

Please Daedae talk to somone..you are in my thoughts and everyone else that reads your post..

Take care

[tellnhelen]

Faith

Hello Im sorry to hear of your troubles. First you should know you are NOT alone. Second please know that God will see you thru. In fact God is helping you right now..,..at this very moment.

Just as you have reached out to us here, you may be able to find comfort and peace at a church close to you. Good luck and Gods Speed

[Leannrough]

I'm sorry your feeling like this right now but please know this too shall pass. God is not punishing and if he brings u too it , he will bring u through. You are strong and you can fight through this .
We are all here for you. Your not alone
Take care
Leann

[Seasha]

Dear Daedae~

Having these feeling is normal for what you are going through. I think we have all felt mad, sad, frustrated, angry, etc. at one time or another. It does help having someone to talk to though...can you see a therapist near you? I know this helped me immensely!

We have a teen/young adult chat time here at MSWorld! It's the 1st Thurs. of each month starting at 8pm EST. You might find it helpful having your peers to talk to.

In the meantime, come back to talk with us. We are here to listen and we can understand! I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Let us help you - OK?

[lorib]

I really feel for you Daedae! MS is tough because it is so hard to understand and a lot of people don't even know what it is. The most important thing to do is to find someone you can talk to. It's up to you who it is. You might like to talk to someone you know like a friend or a family member. Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know like a therapist or counselor because who cares if they are judging you.

My advice is this:
1) Find someone to talk to! This is so important!!!!

2) Take life in baby steps. You can't do as much as someone without MS so don't force yourself to. Set a goal for each day and even if it's small or insignificant be proud/happy that you got it done.

I hope that you are able to find the support that you need. This board has a lot to offer you!

[Daedae]

Thank You All For Caring, I Really Appreciate It! I'm Looking For A Therapist Now. Talking To My Family Doesn't Work, If I Talk To My Older Sister About How I'm Feeling She'll Just Say I'm Stupid Or Whatnot But I Don't See How Because It's Just How I'm Feeling. My Mom Be Busy For Me To Talk To. Things Will Get Better In Time. I Guess?

[Aquasis]

Hold On!

I have struggled with various physical ailments along with my mother having MS, and I know what it feels like to both watch someone go through their pain and be the person in pain. I used to hate God for making me come here. I thought Earth was a prison and a torture chamber that God made to punish me. I hated life, I hated living, and I tried to kill myself multiple times.

No matter how much pain you are going through, though, don't do it. Accepting that you have a disease doesn't make it hurt less, but learning to live in happiness makes it hurt easier, if that makes any sense. I've learned to look on my trials as a blessing, because through them I have been able to help others. I have learned patience and suffering, and I have learned many things that cannot be taught without the experiences I have had.

Though you might hate to be going through this now, you will look back after years of feeling the same hurt over and over again and realize how much you've grown from it.
Life is for learning, that's why they call it a journey, and not every moment will be happy. In fact, maybe most moments will be sad. But heroes come from trials, and as we as humans overcome our own difficulties and struggles we become heroes not only in our own stories, but in the stories of others.
Something I would suggest to you is to start serving others. Helping other people is what saved my life, and after I began to be less absorbed in my own problems I began to be happier. I began to look at the world not as a torture chamber, but as a story full of opportunities to help others.
I still hurt, and I still am healing from the things that have happened to me. I have found joy in my pain, though. It's not something that comes easily, and it has taken me years to reach this point, but I finally have found joy. Life is worth living if you stick with it, and you are right. Things will get better with time, but only if you let them. I hope I have helped you in some way, I know I'm a little late in responding. Just hold on.

[poohb3ar]

bless your heart!

Thank You All For Caring, I Really Appreciate It! I'm Looking For A Therapist Now. Talking To My Family Doesn't Work, If I Talk To My Older Sister About How I'm Feeling She'll Just Say I'm Stupid Or Whatnot But I Don't See How Because It's Just How I'm Feeling. My Mom Be Busy For Me To Talk To. Things Will Get Better In Time. I Guess?

everything you are going through is normal. the feelings you described are those that you feel when you have experienced a great loss or death.
you have, especially for someone so young. MS is cruel, it'll rob you of all your joy in life if you let it.

it's wonderful that you're fighting it! don't let it get you! never give up!
talking to a therapist, counselor, psychologist/ psychiatrist, whoever you can get to that you are comfortable talking to should be able to help you deal with these feelings.
don't give up if you don't like or don't feel helped by the first one you go to. sometimes you have to try several before you find the right one for you.

i'm soooo glad to hear you say that you won't commit suicide!!! it truly is NOT the answer to get away from the pain. only God will judge whether or not you go to hell, but the Bible does say not to murder and killing yourself would be just that.
if you are overcome with the urge to kill yourself, even if only for an instant, PLEASE call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 Professionals that can help are available 24/7. PLEASE call! It's free and 100% confidential.

especially if you don't feel like you can talk to any family members.
that makes me so sad about your sister and mom. others just don't understand.
there is a lot of literature written for families to help them understand what we're going through. if you're interested, let us know and will get you the info.
most of the main MS sites MSAA, MS Society and others have excellent articles and booklets to help.

keep hanging in there! life will be a roller coaster, be sure and enjoy the highlights as much as possible.

keep in touch. there's a lot of us who care what happens to you!

take care and may God bless you and hold you tightly in His Hand!

[cherylllong]

Had Enough

I am at my wits end. Its about my husband of 20 years. He is the type of person that has to run his mouth. No matter what, I am seriously thinking about leaving him. I am tired of trying to reason with him our disagreements are about the grand children, its as if he wants us to take care of everyone in the family.

I was dx 1 year ago. We are about to lose our home, because I just was approved for SS benefits three of our cars are down, because he lets the grandchildren or children borrow them, but nobody pays. he makes 35K a year and we don't have it anymore. I try to tell him let it just be us, but he always try to help everyone. He has psyc issues and he is stressing me out, I don't want to relaspe, it's been six months since my last episode.


I need peace of mind but he creates problems when there aren't any. He doesn't understand, that i am fed up. He also has a drinking problem he is a functional drinker because he still works. He just won't shut up and enjoy what life we have left. So my only alternative is to move by myself and have peace. When people stay with us it cost us. They run my water bill, electric bill, gas for car, food everything, then he gets mad and says he is the only one working, his brother just died recently and he ran in and out everyday risking his job to take care of his brother when he had 2 sons, he didn't get a dime for that everything was left to them. I have made up my mind its over.

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[Kickboxer2]

Dae dae.....

As a mom of kids your age, and recently diagnosed with MS, I can say, you truly have been on my mind. Hope that you seek the advice of professionals and speak to someone. Please know, that MS, does not mean you can not set goals, achieve them and have a good life. We are blessed with challenges others have not, you are strong and you will over come them. Hang in there, please keep reacting out to others and ask for help, we are here for you. Your in my thoughts, please reach out to those around you.

[jojo18]

I would suggest anti-depressants.
I have some mild anxiety/ depression brought on by organic chemistry (if you ever take it, you'll understand. lol) and a stressful semester in general.(20 at the time)

About a year after my diagnosis, I accepted it, and got really depressed. I thought about suicide, but what helped was I made a bucket list. And there were things i wanted to do b4 i died, and being 14-15 at the time, i needed more time.

I went through a lot that year and it took a lot to pull myself out of it. I wish I had told someone how i felt. It would have saved me and others pain.

remember, you are loved