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If this is the rest of my life I donít want to be around for it.

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    If this is the rest of my life I donít want to be around for it.

    Title says it all. I canít stay up late any more, get or maintain an erection, climax, focus is n anything for any length of time, remember anything, walk for longer than ten minutes, go to the lake with my friends because I live in Texas and itís too hot, pee standing up, to remember where I set anything down. I am officially done with this life and canít wait to die.

    #2
    Hello gotlesions,

    Reading your post is heart breaking to me for many reasons. I am also male and have SPMS. My health is declining rapidly and I am having some of the same issues that you are having and it sucks! I don't sleep much because of sleep apnea and prostrate issues, can't walk around the block, spend too much time trying to empty my bladder so can't be far from a restroom and the heat zaps what little energy I have right out of me! I also have trouble focusing and remembering where I put stuff and I can no longer drive a stick shift as my left leg isn't strong enough to push in a clutch pedal. This one is really tough on me as I have two sports cars in the garage that I can't drive.

    Do you have any small things in life that you still get some enjoyment out of? For me it is getting to video chat with my granddaughter who currently lives in Italy. My son in law is in the Air Force and my daughter was also enlisted until they wanted to start a family. My granddaughter loves to dance, something that I could never do, and I get joy watching her practice and seeing videos of her performances. Getting to talk with my daughter, who I am very close with, and my granddaughter is the highlight of my week!

    Is there anything in your life that you still enjoy? Reading a book or watching old comedy movies? I enjoy watching some of the old comedies that I watched as a teenager and they bring back some good memories. I also still enjoy working in the yard even though I have to crawl around sometimes as getting up and down can be tough for me.

    I have not talked with a counselor about any of my many issues yet but would not hesitate if I felt I needed some help coping with life. If you haven't talked with a professional about how you are feeling, is it something you might consider?

    I wish I had all the answers for you but can only offer this little bit of advice, if there is anything that you still enjoy, do it as it may allow you to focus on something positive instead of thinking about what you can't do any longer and if you haven't talked with a professional counselor, look into it. It couldn't hurt and it just might help!

    Take care gotlesions!

    Comment


      #3
      I know you are frustrated, I could sense that from your original post and I get it, it sucks. Being newly diagnosed only 7 months ago, I think you may be folding your hand a little early. I know it's probably hard to see right now as everything you consider normal has been snatched from under you for no reason at all. It's not your fault and it's not fair but such is life.

      None of us asked to be here but alas here we are. This place is a great resource and if you decide you'd like help to work your way up to a new normal, there are plenty here willing to help you with sound logic, painful experiences and most importantly, support and love.

      Are you married or have a LT partner?
      Besides weightlifting, what were your hobbies pre diagnosis?
      The future depends on what you do today.- Gandhi

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by MS TOO View Post
        Hello gotlesions,

        Is there anything in your life that you still enjoy? Reading a book or watching old comedy movies? I enjoy watching some of the old comedies that I watched as a teenager and they bring back some good memories. I also still enjoy working in the yard even though I have to crawl around sometimes as getting up and down can be tough for me.

        I have not talked with a counselor about any of my many issues yet but would not hesitate if I felt I needed some help coping with life. If you haven't talked with a professional about how you are feeling, is it something you might consider?

        I wish I had all the answers for you but can only offer this little bit of advice, if there is anything that you still enjoy, do it as it may allow you to focus on something positive instead of thinking about what you can't do any longer and if you haven't talked with a professional counselor, look into it. It couldn't hurt and it just might help!

        Take care gotlesions!
        gotlesions, there are special people in our lives who do want to help. It can be hard to ask for it but you took the first step.

        Some of MS TOO's suggestions might sound like "going through the motions" but that kind of thing really does help. I was having terrible neuritis pain during our heat wave and fires out here, unable to get out during the nicest part of Summer. Depressing, but after firing up a few comedies and having some phone calls with friends and family, I felt a little better.

        Another great resource is also the National MS Society MS Navigator Helpline:
        https://www.nationalmssociety.org/Re...n-MS-Navigator

        Hang in there...
        All the best, ~G

        Comment


          #5
          Hi gotlesions.

          I am sorry to hear you are struggling to find any good in your life right now. Have you talked to a therapist or psychiatrist? A new diagnosis is difficult to deal with, especially if progressive. Sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to, get angry with, discuss fears. It helped me.

          Another thought is to work with an occupational therapist. They may be able to give you tricks/tools to help you with your hands. You can get a prescription from your neuro.

          What has your neuro said? Did he prescribe physical therapy to see if any recovery?

          What do you do during the day to keep your mind busy? I have always found that when I was struggling, if I had too much time on my hands, my mind would take me to darker thoughts.

          I hope you can find in time, some peace. It may take some hard work but it is possible.
          Kathy
          DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

          Comment


            #6
            Hi gotlesions,

            Just wanted to check in and see how you are feeling.
            Kathy
            DX 01/06, currently on Tysabri

            Comment


              #7
              Yeah....how are you?
              The future depends on what you do today.- Gandhi

              Comment


                #8
                I understand the feeling. But my calculus is different. While in the Army I had the misfortune to see a couple of dead people. In my calculation they were not having any fun -- zero. Thus, I don't want to be dead. That's a one-way choice with no un-do option.

                MS is a disease you cannot calculate. My first major attack put me in a nuthouse, left me completely blind in both eyes and essentially unable to walk for about a week. I had a good attitude and between wondering how I was going to raise 4 kids being blind and in a wheelchair I thought I should learn to read Braille -- only my hands were so numb there was no way I could feel the Braille bumps.

                As I said, you cannot predict the course of MS. I recovered from most of my symptoms, all or partially. I went on to get multiple college degrees, raise those 4 kids, worked at fun jobs across the US and world and had a helluva lot of fun.

                Depression is a definite symptom with MS -- no ifs, ands or buts about it.

                As a person with MS you've basically can get any drug you want by complaining about symptoms and having a good doctor (and the money/insurance to pay for the drugs). Take advantage of that. You can get things to help with depression or thoughts of cashing it all in.

                Part of the PITA of an MS attack and/or first being diagnosed is wrapping our heads around the disease and our new life. That means adjusting the way we think, maybe dumping hobbies or coming up with new ones, etc.

                But what other choice do we have? Checking out is an option we might regret -- but it's a one-way deal which one cannot un-do.
                59M / RRMS / Dx1987 / Ocrevus

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Golgotha View Post
                  MS is a disease you cannot calculate....Depression is a definite symptom with MS -- no ifs, ands or buts about it....wrapping our heads around the disease and our new life. That means adjusting the way we think
                  Thank you Golgotha for sharing your story.

                  We can and must, throughout life be willing to adjust our way of thinking, regardless of what we confront.

                  Your post shows an honest, candid response to gotlesions. May not be easy but nothing is easy.



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