Dating and when to bring it up

[Kenmore]

I haven't dated much since my diagnosis...not because of it, but I prefer to hang out with my dog and relax these days But, a couple of men asked me out recently....when do you bring up the MS? Or do you?

[Jules A]

You will get a whole variety of answers so my guess is there is no one correct answer. Much of it probably depends on the type of person you are and the type of person your potential suitor is. Good luck with whatever you decide to try but my two cents:

I would feel like I was being sold a bill of goods if someone didn't disclose this right up front. To me it has the potential to be life-changing and if I thought someone was trying to lure me in and hook me before opening this can of worms I'd be out of there.

[Mynamegoeshere1]

Hard decision

I was diagnosed 1.5 mths after getting married so I didn't have to go through this.

If it were me, I would go on the date and if it went well and seemed like we were going on another one, I would disclose then. I would not see a reason to disclose if I did not feel like there was a chance I would be dating this person again.

On the other hand, I have a sister that has had 2 kidney transplants and she discloses to men right away.

I would not want them to feel sorry for me, or that to be the basis of what they get to know about me first. I would want them to know ME first, and then find out about the "bonus" me. Its a tough one! I wish you lots of luck. You should give these guys a try! One of them might just be the guy for you

[757cutie]

I think it would be harder if u were in a wheelchair like my self. he knew I was in a wheelchair but he didn't care but I was scared to tell him why I had to use it. but I did and he was very cool about it and he still is So yea I think it depends the type of person you are dealing with.

[MSer102]

I think that disclosing MS should be like sex and follow the "third date" rule. On the first date two people don't know each other well enough to have sex and they don't know each other well enough to be talking about chronic health issues that aren't obvious or anything else that's personal. Most dates never turn into a second date anyway, so there's no point in killing any chance of a second date with "overdisclosure." Sex on the first date is too much too soon. Disclosing MS when you've just met someone is way too much information too soon. The other person hasn't even had a chance to get to know you well enough to know how to put MS into perspective.

The second date is too soon for sex or personal disclosure too.

The third date is the turning point. If two people aren't feeling comfortable enough by the third date to have sex or at least be talking about having sex then the relationship probably doesn't have any potential and isn't going anywhere so don't bother. Sex is important so it needs to be dealt with somehow on the third date.

MS is important too and should be dealt with by the third date. If a person isn't comfortable enough by the third date to know if they want to keep seeing the other person, then the relationship isn't going anywhere anyway so there's no point in disclosing MS. If there's still a chance of a fourth date, that's the time to disclose, before the relationship gets deep enough that it would be wrong to keep MS to yourself any longer.

[cherylllong]

Course in Life

I am thinking about changing my career choice. Any thoughts, I want to write a book. After being a analyst for over 30 years, i was dx in 3/12 and I have a lot of thoughts on the subject.....i also have to look ahead even though I am confused and i really don't have anyone else i can talk to about anything.

[Jules A]

I think that disclosing MS should be like sex and follow the "third date" rule. On the first date two people don't know each other well enough to have sex and they don't know each other well enough to be talking about chronic health issues that aren't obvious or anything else that's personal. Most dates never turn into a second date anyway, so there's no point in killing any chance of a second date with "overdisclosure." Sex on the first date is too much too soon. Disclosing MS when you've just met someone is way too much information too soon. The other person hasn't even had a chance to get to know you well enough to know how to put MS into perspective.

The second date is too soon for sex or personal disclosure too.

The third date is the turning point. If two people aren't feeling comfortable enough by the third date to have sex or at least be talking about having sex then the relationship probably doesn't have any potential and isn't going anywhere so don't bother. Sex is important so it needs to be dealt with somehow on the third date.

MS is important too and should be dealt with by the third date. If a person isn't comfortable enough by the third date to know if they want to keep seeing the other person, then the relationship isn't going anywhere anyway so there's no point in disclosing MS. If there's still a chance of a fourth date, that's the time to disclose, before the relationship gets deep enough that it would be wrong to keep MS to yourself any longer.

I think this is good advice.

[MSer102]

I forgot... no cussing until the third date, either.

[Jules A]

I forgot... no cussing until the third date, either.

Whoa! No way am I holding back on that its more a part of my persona than the stinking MS.

[MSer102]

HAHAHAHA!

[Scooter24]

MSer102- I didn't realize that there was such strict rules regarding the time limits for having sex when dating. I have printed out your post and will show it to any new ladies I might date in the future in case they are not aware of it either. Thanks for the info.