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Guilty Feelings - Member Topic of the Month - October

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    all of it

    Having had MS for 33 years, I have felt all of this before.
    I have been planning to die by 60 so my son is not burdened by me.
    Sad at times that I don't have much energy any more.
    Guilty that others are wheelchair bound and I am NOT thus far.
    Right now I am feeling pretty good but I know tomorrow is not promised.
    This is a tough, confusing and baffling disease.
    No 2 people or 2 days are generally the same.


      Guilt is non-productive

      I share so many of the feelings and thoughts shared but Guilt over the MS is not one. I feel guilty about not holding up my end of the marriage when things aren't cooked, cleaned or finances/ paper work done, but then I remember that is in my head my wonderful husband never complains. I hate slipping into secondary progressive but guilt. No. Resentment, YES.

      I've been diagnosed for 25 years, had the disease 35 years or more. I'm better then many, worse than some, but at 68 I KNOW we all have problems and there are no easy fixes, quick cures or magic wands. I'm concerned about my kids, grandkids and new great-granddaughter. That's being a parent. If I could change it for them, I would, so I support research and am thankful for this message board where I can share.


        Interesting thoughts, especially those regarding guilt being somewhat irrelevant when we haven't done anything wrong. The alternate emotions that Marco expressed, such as loss, sadness, grief and disappointment resonate with me.

        Also, regret. I regret that there are activities that I was unable to do, or to participate in more fully. I regret that I need to request help for tasks that require more physical stamina than what I possess.
        ~ Faith
        MSWorld Volunteer -- Moderator since JUN2012
        (now a Mimibug)

        Symptoms began in JAN02
        - Dx with RRMS in OCT03, following 21 months of limbo, ruling out lots of other dx, and some "probable stroke" and "probable CNS" dx for awhile.
        - In 2008, I was back in limbo briefly, then re-dx w/ MS: JUL08

        - Betaseron NOV03-AUG08; Copaxone20 SEPT08-APR15; Copaxone40 APR15-present
        - Began receiving SSDI / LTD NOV08. Not employed. I volunteer in my church and community.


          Haven't been on msw for a while so only just discovered my suggestion had been picked up as a topic. Thanks for all the participation so far.
          I generally appreciate factual, commonsense and practical suggestions and input but i do feel the Mr Spock attitude doesn't apply to the FEELINGS of guilt (or possibly any others either). I believe we all feel this at some point and simply being told FEELING this way is counter productive is in itself counter productive.
          Yes having MS (or most illnesses) is not any ones fault, they didn't choose to have it, but we also don't choose to feel guilty or depressed or afraid or useless or resentful etc etc either.
          I'm sorry but by implying that one shouldn't feel something can be perceived as laying guilt on.

          I to am not trying 'to start an argument' however this is just how I FEEL.

          I originally suggested the topic at a particularly stressful time (that hasn't improved much in the previous months) and I can identify with each and every post on here even those suggesting feeling this way is counter productive etc. I pushed through and got on with life for nearly 20 years and didn't let things get to me for the sake of others mostly.
          I've now been dealing with ms for over 30 years and I just can't deny that at this point in MY life the feelings of guilt and consequentially resentment have been at the forefront.

          I feel guilt for not being able to help my husband more.
          But i also can't deny that i resent his attitude at times in regard to living a normal life and soldiering on regardless for all these years until the last couple of years because he's had some heath scares.

          not spending more one on one time with my children which may have made us closer now.
          But I also resent that they don't seem to be able to appreciate that I worked my guts out to help feed and raise them and had no energy left to socialise.

          I feel guilt about not visiting parents and other relatives as much because if i was showing symptoms they may suspect that i was ill and I resent this guilt because we only kept this from them so as to not worry them. They've pretty much all passed away now so I'm out of the closet so to speak. My children were only told about a year ago- and I'm still not sure how well that has worked out.

          Each time i have a treatment and see and talk to others with MS and they are coping with leg braces, wheel chairs or other assistive devices I feel guilt that I am luckier than they have been.

          Although I believe most people are non judgemental and that this is mostly MY Problem there have been instances where I have definitely been made to feel that I should feel lucky for being less disabled than another. We are all human and they have the right to their feelings of resentment that life has dealt a harder blow to them than others - but I also have the right to acknowledge my insecurities and resentment to MY concerns being dismissed. It would be lovely to just support each other. The thing is that internalising feelings of guilt may be damaging but what else are we to do - discuss it an open up?

          I feel guilty about having reasons for not doing work when I used to take pride in being able to outwork almost anyone. It's a hard thing to put resentment aside when you have to be more considerate of an employee than your self because YOU don't have any option.

          I don't believe guilt is 'somewhat irrelevant ', when in some instances in my own life guilt and the actions or upset accompanying this feeling can LEAD to LOSS,SADNESS,GRIEF AND DISSAPOINTMENT as well as other challenges.

          All the best everyone,
          And thanks for sharing.