Dec 14th - Sandy Hook Anniversary and The Day I Found Out Something was Wrong...

[jersey4ever]

Dec 14th 2012 - the horrible event at Sandy Hook Elementary - I was sitting at a local pizza place with my kids - then 6 and 10 - and non-stop coverage was on TV when my doctor called - at 6:45 PM - never good when your doctor calls at 6:45 PM - to tell me - they don't know exactly what was going on - but that the MRI they has ordered for severe - crippling headaches showed 19+ lesions of various sizes on my brain and that I needed to follow up with a neurologist first thing on Monday - and that they had already got me an appointment with a neurologist at a local hospital.

Well - as totally freaked out that I should have been by that information - I just couldn't be - I just kept looking at my kids and watching the coverage on the TV about a bunch of Kindergarten kids being executed - and honestly... whatever - lesions on my brain - ok - my kids aren't dead... I think it's so weird that from the first notification that something was wrong - I have always had a very strange perspective on things.

Over the weekend I was watching coverage of the anniversary - and it always brings back memories of that night - the whirlwind of emotions - the inability to focus at all on my own situation - which was probably good.

All these years later - I've had some good periods and some really bad periods - some times when I felt great and some times when I didn't - but I would still take my burden over what those parents have had to face. It will always be strange to share that "anniversary" with such a horrid event - maybe it was the universes way to help me not wallow in self pity....

Anyway - thanks for letting me share...

[Seasha]

Wow! I think it's been 7 years already and I'm sure those parents are still mourning. I guess, for you, this is one day that stands out in history for you. I just heard on the news that Newton high school won a football game today in the last seconds. Something good on the anniversary to overshadow the horrific experiences of that day.

I think your perspective of realizing that things could be so much worse is spot on. It's something we could all hold onto.

Thanks so much for sharing, jersey4ever! I hope you continue to hold on and find wellness and peace in your life

[502E79]

I have always had a very strange perspective on things.

Your thread shows that from the very first moment you had the right perspective.

Maybe you were given awareness at the same time as adversity?

"Love more that which deserves more love." - St. Augustine

[Jules A]

I love that you were able to put things in perspective and have empathy for others despite your own suffering right from day one.

It took me a bit longer but as time wore on not only have I become able to see those who have it far worse with MS and other tragic life events. Now at 15 years post diagnosis I am also thankful for the good years I have been blessed and I hope those memories will soften the blows of what might lie ahead.

[pennstater]

I can only imagine the whirlwind of emotions you must have experienced that day. Just like noone can make any sense of such an horrific tragedy, most of us can't make any sense of a new MS diagnosis. "Why" is the word that comes to mind for both.

Your empathy shines through. It is not always easy to see through someone else's eyes when we are also struggling. And yes, someone else always does have it worse. We just have to make sure we know it is alright to sometimes let ourselves acknowledge what we are feeling with an MS diagnosis.

Thanks for sharing such an emotional memory. Keep hugging your kids.

[jersey4ever]

Oh believe me - I have also had plenty of "why me" and "this is so unfair" moments - lol.

I have also had moments of rage against other people with "questionable" medical issues who seem to relish in telling everyone about their suffering... I actually met a woman once who herself decided she had MS (she did not know I did) - even though multiple MRI's showed ZERO evidence of lesions on her brain or spinal cord - but she was always so tired and one of her hands sometimes got numb that she just "knew" she had MS and was trying to get SSDI... ugh -

I did smile and nod along - but my brain was saying "yeah BS want to see my MRI with so many brain lesions they don't even bother to count them not to mention the 6 on my spine....- oh and I still work full time because my lawyer says I would lose the disability fight - mostly because fakers like you are flooding the system with BS so they are clamping down so hard.... arghhh"