Depressed

[Ant1981]

I just had one of the most lonely thanksgiving’s in my life it seemed. My mom is ill with cancer and she’s growing weaker and weaker, my dad is a drunk. I broke up with my ex this spring and I’m unemployed. I felt like crap yesterday, frustrated, angry and alone.

figured I got 3 more years of school and I’m just having a hard time today to come to terms with what happened over the last year. My life was decent before, I had my own house, business and girlfriend. Now I’m by myself, I’m sad.

On the the bright side I did get removed from a horrible business partner and a crappy relationship with my ex for six years. Plus a house I couldn’t afford. A recent MRI that was clear with no activity and confirmation that tecfidera (my first treatment) is doing its job. I’m relatively healthy with invisible/insignificant minimal sx present.

But I’m 37 and live with my parents (mom is ill so it’s nice to be around at least) I’m am very lonely and can’t find a new girlfriend yet.

all this happened for a reason I truly believe, I just need to focus on school and my workouts/health and just stay positive... I know I try. But I had a bad day processing wat happened over the last year and saying goodbye to the life I had.

I do have lots to be thankful for I suppose but I’m still struggling some days to see the big picture,
a decent part time job will do wonders cause my funds will dwindle next year. Oh ya and a girlfriend would be nice too lol

just had to release my feelings a little that’s all.

keep moving forward I guess.

[marti]

So sorry to hear about all your problems. But, you will be glad you stuck by your Mom! I recently lost my husband and I was happy that we (the family) did things the way he wanted. Kept him at home, followed through with his end life wishes. I do understand how difficult it is to take care of someone who is so sick.

Everything else will eventually iron out for you. We all face trials, we all face sickness, relationship troubles, education ups and downs. Life won't be perfect, but you can make it the best you can.

And, you always have us as a sounding board. Be well friend.

[pennstater]

Hey Ant,

Sorry to hear about Mom. I am sure she is grateful to have you home, especially given your Dad's drinking.

It's understandable to have off days, even stretches of time. Life, even without MS, throws some curveballs at us. And dealing with MS isn't a straight ride. Throw in your Mom's cancer, and understandable why you may be down.

Hopefully you can keep your focus on doing what you need to for you. I can imagine how hard it was to move back home after being on your own so long.

It actually took alot of courage to make the changes you did. I am sure it would have been much easier just to stay status quo.

As for finding a new girlfriend, sometimes it is when we aren't looking, we find it. That's when I met my husband.

Hope better days ahead.

[Ant1981]

Happiness

Hey Ant,

Sorry to hear about Mom. I am sure she is grateful to have you home, especially given your Dad's drinking.

It's understandable to have off days, even stretches of time. Life, even without MS, throws some curveballs at us. And dealing with MS isn't a straight ride. Throw in your Mom's cancer, and understandable why you may be down.

Hopefully you can keep your focus on doing what you need to for you. I can imagine how hard it was to move back home after being on your own so long.

It actually took alot of courage to make the changes you did. I am sure it would have been much easier just to stay status quo.

As for finding a new girlfriend, sometimes it is when we aren't looking, we find it. That's when I met my husband.

Hope better days ahead.

Maintaining the status quo would have ultimately me to unhappiness in relationship and career, so these changes were inevitable. You are correct and reaffirmed why I’m doing what I’m doing. Thank you for that, thank you to all of you. I am embarking on a new unknown path but of course it will be hard at first and when my new life gets put back together I’ll be so much happier, so long my MS just stays the way it is I will be fine. A girlfriend or at my age I’m looking to get married but I have little or no control of these things, yes. But I can control my health (workouts) and education that leads ultimately to a new career. It’s exciting and the same time I’m grieving the losses I had over the last year, not all were bad either.

thanks guys I love reading the posts of support, I instantly feel better

[Mamabug]

Sorry to hear about your losses and feeling down. Holidays are an especially difficult time to feel down and alone because it appears that everyone around us is enjoying the holidays.

I'm glad you can identify the positives when when you can't "feel" them. Here's hoping that your path will lead to contentment and happiness.

[gargantua]

But I can control my health (workouts) and education that leads ultimately to a new career. It’s exciting and the same time I’m grieving the losses I had over the last year, not all were bad either.

thanks guys I love reading the posts of support, I instantly feel better

When I think of inspirational people on this board I think about you. Congratulations on setting up for a better life while going through the hard times. ~ G

[Daisycat]

Ant –
I am sorry you are having a hard time. Leaving a toxic relationship and bad job can be a blessing. I am also sure your mom appreciates having you there for her. I am not sure what type of part time job you would want, but maybe your school has resources to help people find part time work while in school? I hope you start to feel better. Your posts have always encouraged me and I appreciate it.

[Seasha]

When I think of inspirational people on this board I think about you. Congratulations on setting up for a better life while going through the hard times. ~ G

I couldn't agree more! So sorry to hear about your family life (mom and dad), but if anyone can rise above the occasion, that would be you!

PENNSTATER - As for finding a new girlfriend, sometimes it is when we aren't looking, we find it. That's when I met my husband.

Three years after my previous husband died, a new man (my dh now) came into my life and I surely wasn't looking. Your new partner may even be lurking around the corner for you right now Ant

Take care now. Keep doing what you're doing!

[smalltowngirl]

Ant,

I think it's pretty great that you shared this. I know it sounds cliche, but I think putting your weakness "out there" shows a lot of strength.

You won't regret your time with your mom. My grandfather (who was like a father since mine died before I was born) passed away after a long battle with cancer and heart disease and he was surrounded by his whole family. That moment was one of the most beautiful moments I've experienced-- saddest too. Anyway, we stayed with him for a period of time when he was ill, and it was SO STRESSFUL. We laugh about those super-stressful moments now and miss him.

Do you have MS Support Groups in your area? Making a meaningful connection may help, even if it isn't a romantic one.

I wish you the best.

[pennstater]

When I think of inspirational people on this board I think about you. Congratulations on setting up for a better life while going through the hard times. ~ G

Ditto! I am in awe of how far you have come.

[Ant1981]

MS support

Ant,

I think it's pretty great that you shared this. I know it sounds cliche, but I think putting your weakness "out there" shows a lot of strength.

You won't regret your time with your mom. My grandfather (who was like a father since mine died before I was born) passed away after a long battle with cancer and heart disease and he was surrounded by his whole family. That moment was one of the most beautiful moments I've experienced-- saddest too. Anyway, we stayed with him for a period of time when he was ill, and it was SO STRESSFUL. We laugh about those super-stressful moments now and miss him.

Do you have MS Support Groups in your area? Making a meaningful connection may help, even if it isn't a romantic one.

I wish you the best.

Yes, I do speak with a peer2peer MS contact. She is very helpful.

[trevvian]

Hang in there

Hang in there, my virtual friend.

You've been on quite a rollercoaster since you joined this board. I hope that even though the world seems upside down right now, that this is just a loop that sets you up for the next hill.

Take the time to grieve and feel. If you can, even be grateful that you feel sadness when appropriate. I remember being so depressed, then so medicated, that I didn't feel ANYTHING. Neither sadness nor joy. Feelings, like physical pain, let you know the core you is hurting and needs some TLC.

Grief isn't just for deaths, it's natural for all losses. Watching your mom sick, your dad drink, coming to terms with your own dx and changes ... those are all losses. It's ok to be down, I am sure from all your posts that you can't be KEPT down!

[Boudreaux]

We all have moments of weakness and now that its over go pick up heavy things and get back on the path.

Have you ever thought about training Jiu Jitsu?

[MMMMS]

Everything happens for a reason, and we all end up where we're meant to be. But, dang, that in-between can be a struggle at times. ❤️