RE: keeping your house clean.

[jjs]

It's an "A.D.L." and I used to be an OCD clean freak. I looked around this morning and realized how far I've come (for better or worse?! not sure). The dining table was a mess from last night's supper. The island was a mess from the pile that was previously on the dining table but cleared for supper. My room. Oh my. Piles everywhere.

The OCD clean freak is long gone out of absolute desperate necessity. I'm [almost] able to convince myself that putting piles of things into my closet or into the "spare room" is cleaning. At least no one, including me, has to look at it, right?! The house usually **LOOKS** clean, but it's only pretending.

And my floors. I go for a week or more without sweeping, vacuuming, and much longer without mopping.

I feel like I have a good grip on things, but then I look around (or look in my closet or the spare room or the laundry room) and realize I do not.

I'm a very thankful and generally happy person. Down to earth. I'm not freaking out and in a panic; I'm just having another reality-check moment. I love my life and wouldn't trade it for the world, but I must be honest with myself.

I really do not have many responsibilities, and I want to keep the ones I enjoy. I'm seriously considering a house cleaner [ironically, I used to be one professionally] but I'm just not sure.

I'm in the brainstorming phase of my thoughts and would love to hear your stories. Tell me about your house cleaner ... any regrets? Any positives that really stick out? Share whatever you feel led to share. Whatever has worked for you. I've shared before that I set a timer for about 15m, do what I can, and then rest until I feel I can do another block of cleaning. While that method works to some extent, it's clear that it's not covering all the work that needs done.

My daughter just moved on the same property with the intention of helping more, but all of the sudden she and her husband have had several things thrown at them at once, including the death of his grandma [so sad!! and out-of-state travelling follows] and the inability to really use her left hand until it heals.

It almost seems like SHE needs more help right now than I do!!!! I assume that's why I'm thinking of a house cleaner. Someone unrelated that just comes in to clean.

And you know how it goes ... when you don't feel good, even the smallest things are mountains, and then the mountains pile on top of each other. That's when I tend to get overwhelmed and shut down ... and then of course the piles get bigger, things are even more neglected ... a tiny snowball turns in to an avalanche.

And the other day I realized I'm getting pre-MS-specialist-appointment jitters. Doctors make me anxious ... hence the reason I avoid them for years. But, I know I must follow through this time. No more quitting half way in. My mobility and capabilities have sharply declined this past year. If it keeps up at the same pace, what will one more year look like?

Thanks for listening!

[pennstater]

Still cleaning myself. So relate to moving the pile to the extra bedroom. I had to laugh. The office and the guest room always suffer!

My brother has a cabin in the mountains. One of the sayings hanging:. A clean cabin is the sign of a wasted day in the mountains. So I think of this and say in the scheme of things, am I spending the time the way I want? Of course, all in balance.

My aunt had a cleaner for years, once a week. She had to keep the piles cleared, but the woman would dust, vacuum, clean the kitchen and bath, mop floors. She would also do windows twice a year, more if needed. My aunt has passed, but she truly enjoyed the woman who cleaned, got to know about her family, and remembered her in her will even.

My aunt never worried about company dropping in, as it always looked nice. It also let her spend energy on what she liked to do. Thinking about this, I had to smile. Way back in high school and college, I was the cleaner when her regular went on vacation. She never criticized, but I know it never looked quite the same🤔

[smalltowngirl]

I think a house cleaner is a great idea. I've never had one for the simple hiccup of fitting it into our budget. However, I relate to what you're saying. When there are piles of papers on my desk, I can't even think until they're sorted and organized in a way that makes sense to me. They have to be neat. At home, my husband and I have a system we've worked out over 15 years. He is supposed to manage dishes and I manage laundry. Everything in between we tackle together. Since my relapse and diagnosis in February/March, he has pretty much handled everything and I've done maybe 5 loads of laundry.

I gotta tell ya-- I don't think neglecting your floors for a week makes you a bad person or a messy person. For sure though, if it's adding stress to your life, hire a housekeeper. When you feel comfortable, step out of the house and have a glass of tea with a friend while the work is being done. It will get your mind off your housework and your upcoming appointment. I wish you the best!!

[MyGirlsMom]

Blessed to have a house cleaner!

Good thread. I am very blessed to be able to include a house cleaner in our family budget. In fact, she has been with us for about 15 years. She and one of “her ladies” or two come every other week and it is truly and absolutely wonderful! That said, I do have to spend some time “picking up” for them so they can actually clean when here. And yes, “the new pile” gets stacked on “the existing pile” although I try to get through the stack of papers at least monthly. (Thank goodness my bills are autodebited from our checking account otherwise they would probably be late!)

My house cleaner and I both really appreciate the long term relationship as it has helped us both.

[Mamabug]

..

I'm in the brainstorming phase of my thoughts and would love to hear your stories. Tell me about your house cleaner ... any regrets? Any positives that really stick out?

I started using a house cleaner in 2009. Over the years, I've had a number of different people. I anticipated most would be female. One was. One was a married couple. The other two were male.

- one quit doing it because of her health. Coincidentally, she got MS.
She had begun to discontinue some of the tasks she used to do, so I was ok with finding someone new.

- I decided to discontinue the couple because the rates were higher than I wanted to pay. They understood; we left on good terms. They also had very specific tasks that they would or wouldn't do. That's not uncommon when they have their own business.

- one was a college student that I found by advertising through the college job counselor. It worked well for the junior year, and the summer (was a local student). But he decided he was too busy senior year so I had to find someone else. Because I had "hired", rather than "contracting" with someone who had their own business, I could set the terms. There were some advantages to that. This one worked well, except that it ended after a year. But, the first two cleaners probably did too. I discovered we knew his parents 20 years ago. And now, he is married, with a little daughter, and we attend the same church. My daughter used to attend summer camp, as a teenager, with his wife.

- my current one, I've had for a long time. He's very flexible; will do what I request, rather than setting his own cleaning terms. Is reasonably priced. Actually, he raised his rates once, when I (and another customer) told him that he wasn't charging enough. He'll do some extras that some wouldn't do. Unload and load dishwasher. Fold clean laundry. Once a year, he comes one extra time and washes down siding on outside of house.

I was the opposite of an OCD clean freak. I used to have a messy, cluttered house that I didn't clean very frequently. Now, it gets cleaned well once every two weeks. And, so he doesn't need to clean around my clutter, I pick up before he comes and do a much better job, between cleanings, of keeping clutter picked up than I used to. If I don't get everything picked up before he comes, he just straightens it nicely in a pile.

This week, I let him know, ahead of time, about some nontoxic cleaners that I wanted him to begin using instead. He tried it this week and said they worked well for him. He used to pay for all his own cleaning supplies. Since I'm !making a special request, I cover the cost of those now. I appreciate his flexibility.
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[502E79]

Surprised to be responding to this thread but after Mamabug told her story... well just had to.

Decided maybe 3-4 years ago that even though I keep up after myself, it was time. Found a young lady who I knew previously and trusted. She worked out fine but moved to warmer climate 2 years ago.

Second was a woman who I was told could use the cash with her husband out of work. She was nice, a bit chatty but not really interested in a part time job cleaning. Lasted a couple of visits. Many months pass, I get either lazy or more in need (of saving my spoons) then...

My current lady... The youngest and excellent. Brings her own cleaning stuff! Mixes her own organic cleaners! Brings her own vacuum! (a top of the line Shark.... another whole thread could be devoted to this insane piece of tech!), washes the kitchen & bathroom floors on her hands and knees!

And she takes all her towels, paper trash with her! Yeah, sounds scary but she is a 28 year old mom, very pleasant, bubbly and in love with life, always a smile! May have been blessed with this lady.

My spirits lifted & my house more of a home (her cleaners all carry the same pleasant scent)!

[jjs]

Thank you all so much for sharing!! I've been reading your responses and thinking. I'll respond to some of what you said personally by putting your name first, but I'm also responding in general all throughout this post. I hope it's not too confusing!

pennstater: "A clean cabin is the sign of a wasted day in the mountains." Very true! Definitely all in balance, but I have really been trying to focus on what is the most important. None of us really know how this disease will take its course ... and this past year has been especially rough on me. I just want to make sure I'm spending my time doing things I enjoy **while I still can** instead of spending it cleaning! I'm really leaning towards the thought of "let someone else do the cleaning."

I used to clean houses and offices, so I'm very familiar with picking up the clutter before the house/office cleaner arrives! But, I formed a relationship with each client and learned what I could and couldn't do, and as I got more familiar, each time I tried to do something extra. For example, towards the end of my house/office cleaning jobs, I was really having a hard time keeping up physically so I'd bring my sons along if they were available. One time I had my youngest son take a bathroom drain apart, unclog it, and put it back together. That thing had been clogged for years!!!! It just was not a priority to the client (it was in a private office, so they did not use it much). Another time I had my other son change a filter in a furnace and clean up all the dust he saw. He worked on that the whole time we were there cleaning, but he enjoyed it. Each time I went to a house or office, I'd make a mental note of the special jobs I'd like to do. I'd also ask the clients for suggestions.

So, I assume having a house cleaner will be something of the same sort - more of a professional relationship at first, but once we get to know each other our relationship will relax.

I also understand the benefit of having some local person instead of hiring from a company. I started off working for a big company and it was very much "you can only do xyz and THAT'S IT!" But when I started taking my own clients, it was more like the days when I used to help my aunt with her clients when I was a young teen - she'd do their laundry, go to the store, cook a meal or two, help with a garage sale, or whatever else needed done. I like that a lot more!!! MyGirlsMom - that sounds like your house cleaner! What a blessing!! And yours too, Mamabug! ... I never would have thought of having a male, either! But, why not?! I'd like to find one like one of my boys - sweep, do laundry, clean out a drain, whateva!

Mamabug, you said, "I was the opposite of an OCD clean freak. I used to have a messy, cluttered house that I didn't clean very frequently. Now, it gets cleaned well once every two weeks. And, so he doesn't need to clean around my clutter, I pick up before he comes and do a much better job, between cleanings, of keeping clutter picked up than I used to. If I don't get everything picked up before he comes, he just straightens it nicely in a pile." That's what I'm thinking a house cleaner will do for me - motivate me. Just knowing someone will be here to help with the more physical things seems like it will encourage me to keep up with the other stuff. All of it together is just overwhelming, but if all I have to do is keep up with clutter ... maybe that will help?!?!

smalltowngirl - cost is definitely a consideration!!! Lately I've been thinking how it will soon be a necessity and we'll have to find a way to make it work within the budget. Either that or my family will have to figure out how to reduce my workload again. They are all so busy!! I know they want to help, and they DO HELP A TON, but it's not consistent. I think the neat thing about hiring someone is it will be on a set day at a set time.
And no, I do not feel like a dirty person because my floors are a mess, but thank you for the kind words! I have become more and more at ease with letting stuff go - as long as I do my best, what more can I do? No shame. But, the less I'm able to keep up, the clearer it is that something has to change - it's a gauge I guess?! "The house is a wreck, the floors are dirty, and the same pile of clean laundry has been sitting on the table for a week. Mom [I] must not be feeling good!" Sometimes we all don't notice for several days and then all of the sudden we see it. It's a direct reflection of my health.

502E79 - How wonderful!! Pack in, pack out And a friendly personality to boot. You are blessed. I pray she does not move to a warmer climate!!
I am very picky about no chemicals in my house, so that is definitely something I will have to mention if/when I look for someone to help. And I'm glad you brought up personality, because it really does matter. Honestly, I do not think I'd do very well with a chit-chatty person. I'm a "let's get down to business and get this over with" kind of person. Too much chatting scatters my brain.

I talked to my friend who helps me make decisions, and he thought it was worth considering. I really want someone to come on a regular set basis, but for now we'll probably just start with a stepping stone - he said it would probably be better to just have a girl or two from our church come over "as needed" to do the floors, bathrooms, and such.

[Mamabug]

It sounds like, even prior to our responses, you've had the experience and opportunity to think through this quite a bit. I hope you figure out something that feels comfortable and affordable for you. I don't know what I'd do without someone.

My current housekeeper lives with his elderly father and is somewhat of a caregiver -- not needing to meet physical needs, but helps a lot with decisions and does all the cooking, cleaning, etc, there. I strongly suspect that, after his dad passes, he'll leave KS and move back to CO, where he spent most of his adult life and still has lots of friends. I'll not enjoy having to find someone new again. I needed to switch housekeepers about once a year, for various reasons, the first few years. This is the one I like the best, and have had for years. I'll miss him if he leaves.

Something additional you'll want to consider, because I know you are very health-conscious, is finding someone who is willing to use non-toxic cleaning products. Some housekeepers bring their own. Mine does. He used vinegar for a few things, but toxic stuff for other things. I've recently started purchasing my own non-toxic all-purpose cleaner and borax. He uses those now. A little more expensive for me, because he used to pay for all supplies. But, worth it.

[Seasha]

I used to have a house cleaner do some deep cleaning about 3 times a year. She was a friend and didn't charge much although she did use my cleaning supplies - all eco friendly.

My husband retired 1 1/2 years ago. When I asked her to come over for a thorough spring cleaning, she replied "Really? I thought your husband would help you out now, so I wasn't planning on coming over again"

That really upset me in a way. I never called her again. Yes, my dh is home now and does the major vacuuming, but that's about all. Maybe I've spoiled him, but he takes care of so many other outdoor/shop things and help me grocery shop,

So, my days of having thoroughly clean house -every room, nook and cranny are doomed. It felt so good having it all clean.

In a way though, it is a blessing in disguise as now I count every cleaning chore as exercise and keeps me from becoming a couch potato. It takes me so long and as soon as one area is clean, another area suffers. Ah well, aging and MS reminds me that having a "white glove" (remember that test? lol) house is not so much a priority now as it once was.

[Mamabug]

...

My husband retired 1 1/2 years ago. When I asked her to come over for a thorough spring cleaning, she replied "Really? I thought your husband would help you out now, so I wasn't planning on coming over again"

That really upset me in a way. I never called her again. Yes, my dh is home now and does the major vacuuming, but that's about all. Maybe I've spoiled him, but he takes care of so many other outdoor/shop things and help me grocery shop,

So, my days of having thoroughly clean house -every room, nook and cranny are doomed. It felt so good having it all clean...

Every household has their own way of dividing chores. For her to make any assumption about that seems somewhat presumptuous. In any case, however it was done in the past, after one of the adults becomes disabled, it is a lot to expect that the able bodied adult will do everything.

If you don't mind using your housework as exercise, by all means, continue that ADL. But, if housework begins to feel like a stressor, you may wish to consider hiring someone other than your friend. I've found it more effective to prevent stress before it occurs than to attempt to "manage" it after it rears it's ugly head.

[Cat Mom]

This isn't always possible but we moved from a 3 level, 2 x 2-level stair cases, backyard, front yard to a one floor condo.

We moved to the house after being DX with MS and I said to my husband, "These stairs are going to be the death of me", picturing dramatic falls, rolling down to the bottom of the stairs, arms full of stuff and then I fell and badly broke my foot... from the second step lol.

The actual cleaning wasn't such a big deal but hauling myself plus cleaning supplies, vacuum, etc. up and down the stairs used energy that I didn't have to spare. We even had central vac but it was way heavier and more awkward than a regular vacuum.

A small piece of advice is if you're going to keep cleaning a home that has more than one floor, keep the same amount and type of cleaning supplies on every floor. It's less to carry up and down and makes it easier to whip up the bathroom or do a quick dusting job because the stuff is right there.

I love the Swiffer cleaning line of stuff. When they first came out I hated cleaning and hated even more that my cleaning supplies needed their own budget! Now I couldn't do without them. Even just the Swiffer duster, plus the wet and dry floor cleaning products are enough to make it much easier to keep the place clean. We have Dollarama really close and they sell a way cheaper version of the supplies than the Swiffer brand and work just as well. Keep one on every floor. I used to be the kind of person who cleaned the whole house 1 day of the week then let it pile up for the next 6 days. It was easy to do this because I was at work, not having to live in it until the weekend. Not now, each room is cleaned on an as-needed basis.

When all else fails, there's closets, cabinets and drawers to stuff things into.

I hope you find some way to cope with this or hire someone to clean for you. Check with your Chapter of the MS Society, quite often they have, or can recommend people who you can hire at a super reasonable rate. Please let us know how you're coping.

Jen