questions and how do people deal with this?

[smalltowngirl]

Daisycat,

Your post title included the question, “how do people deal with this?” and I have to say— you’ve gotten more responses to this question than any I’ve seen on msworld in the short time I’ve been a member, but it seems you don’t actually want to know how other members cope.

Many, many people have offered their sincere advice and shared their personal stories with you. Yet your stance is unchanged. And that’s ok. You’re 100% allowed to feel the way you want to feel 100% of the time. You can feel cheated, depressed and angry. I think a lot of people can relate to this at times.

However, the problem with wallowing is that it tends to blur the line between opinion and fact. Opinion, when not based on personal experience, can become fantasy.

The way you paint your potential future is bleak. Of course this COULD be the outcome. Also, you COULD be struck by lightning, bitten by a rabid dog, ran over by a bus. The point is: you have absolutely no idea.

Many people have suggested you consult a therapist and I echo that suggestion. I truly wish you the best and I truly believe you won’t feel this way forever. I believe that as you mature and learn more about this disease from educated sources, your outlook will become less bleak.

[Daisycat]

I guess my problem is the whole acceptance of this curse that people have. If I accept it I accept I should have never been born. Out of all those things I’d say rabid dog definitely most likely... all the others not so much. Never rains here and I don’t walk on the street so the bus would have to run over my car (Not making fun of you I work at a vet clinic and there’s been cases of rabies close to me. . The more I learn about this curse the more depressed I become. I knew nothing my first night so I got back with my good old buddy dr google and we’ve had our abussive on/off relationship ever since. (Yes I know dr google is bad. I have to deal with dr google people every day... but it’s like a drug. .My chance of becoming a blind cripple is much higher than a normal person. Googling lesion locations is a real fun time... I guess I don’t really see the point in anything anymore since I hate everyone and everything now.

[MarkLavelle]

I guess my problem is the whole acceptance of this curse that people have. If I accept it I accept I should have never been born

I think you're not really getting what people mean by "acceptance," but that's not unusual (I still have trouble getting my wife to understand it). But today I thought of a good analogy:

If you lose a law suit and the the evil bum gets away scott free, you don't have to like the outcome, but you have to accept the legal result. You can't change the result, so why dwell on it?

Please don't think that people who accept their MS are OK with it. We have just decided to save our energy for what we can control...

[Daisycat]

I get your analogy but not to argue there are things you can do to make the evil bums life miserable. It might not be the best idea but it’ll make you feel better. Also what did the evil bum do? Did he make me paralyzed or did he damage my car? I can buy a new car. Can’t but a new spine. . I can’t handle not knowing if I’ll wake up even knowing my name. Wanna have some real fun? Google ms and locked in syndrome. My two bottle of wine habit let me find that. I was convinced that was going to be me. . I guess to me people telling coworkers and people they know shows they are ok with it. Why would anyone want people to know this? This is the most humiliating thing about me.

[Daisycat]

I guess what I’m stuck on his how can someone honestly say they are truly happy waking up every day knowing it could be the last sun rise they ever see, last day they can walk and go to wotk, last day they remember their name, last day they can bathe themselves, last day they aren’t in horrible pain... I could go on all night. . I guess the fact that I’ll never want kids and lived for a career and retirement plans that were taken away makes it harder than someone who has other things. I’m way to independent to be a clingy gf... I like my Netflix binges too much as well

[gargantua]

I guess what I’m stuck on his how can someone honestly say they are truly happy waking up every day knowing it could be the last sun rise they ever see, last day they can walk and go to wotk, last day they remember their name, last day they can bathe themselves, last day they aren’t in horrible pain... I could go on all night.

That is the case with EVERY person who wakes up. You could find a new neurologist who diagnoses you with Lyme disease, leave their office after the appointment, get in a freak accident and lose your feet. Your interpretation of living with MS is inaccurate interpretation in most cases. That is a fact.

You need to process it how you're processing it. I think you are doing fine dealing with people coming back at you in this thread. Because virtually everyone is supporting you, and you know that. I don't think people should take heat for expressing themselves just as fiercely though, because the true reality needs to be reinforced again and again, and that is for the health of the community.

So let's get to 10,000 posts and see what's happening then!

G

[VikingKitty]

Again, please see a therapist. I would say from my personal experience that you are definitely depressed. I'm sure others have already mentioned that. I know when I've been in a depression (may as well be in Hell) that the future looks bleak.....feel like the depression is never going to end and that I'm always going to feel miserable. Not to mention the horrible anxiety that comes with depression.

I think you need one-on-one therapy with a live person. Online with people that have MS is good too but you need help. Getting help is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiew.../#5950e9c66e01

And God loves you whether you acknowledge him or not. He is "in the sky" so you say but the Holy Spirit also dwells within you. He feels your pain....hell, I feel your pain along with others on this forum.

[Jules A]

I get your analogy but not to argue there are things you can do to make the evil bums life miserable. It might not be the best idea but it’ll make you feel better.

But as we age and mature we eventually find acceptance without the childish need to strike back. Because we are sensible and kind we let society take its its sometimes flawed course and move on to find our own peace. Some even find it in their hearts to forgive the most heinous of crimes not saying I'm that mature or noble but I admire them.

It sounds like you've got some growing up to do. Unfortunately the world doesn't owe us anything and there are no guarantees for anyone. It makes me sad to think of all the critters you won't end up helping due to your own short-sighted constraints before MS has even caused any damage if you continue with this course.

Here's an idea instead of wallowing in self pity how about using your upcoming vacation to volunteer at a local animal shelter? You have skills they would be so appreciative of and I bet it would do your heart some good too.

[Jules A]

Well my point was....I did go blind and recovered. I would have missed out on a lot of life and great times if I had "written myself off" at 28 years old.
How I "explained" my double vision to my boss was, I HAVE DOUBLE VISION, I'M IN THE HOSPITAL. I got my FMLA paperwork filled out and was back to work in a week and 1/2. THAT'S HOW. No pity parties from coworkers...no heckling. no bullying, no one throwing rocks or punching me....I went back to work... PERIOD. It's just like if you took time off work for any other illness, surgery, etc. BIG DEAL.

Yes! And actually "I was in the hospital" with a note saying only that and the dates is sufficient by LAW.

Daisycat no one needs to know your business if you don't chose to share. I have worked 13 years with MS at 9 different places (I work more than one job at a time) and despite using company health benefits at 4 of them where I disclosed MS to the employee health department none of my colleagues have found out I even have MS.

I'm not ashamed because that would imply I did something to deserve this curse which I don't believe anyone could but like you I also have concerns of scrutiny for my mental health and physical abilities. I make a decent living and have actually grossed over 1 million dollars since diagnosis. I have done TNR on over 25 ferals and have brought more than a few inside to a forever home.

I shudder to think how my life would have been different if I hadn't allowed myself to grieve and then decided I was going to continue living my life for whatever length of time I have left.

[SNOOPY]

When I read this article I thought of this thread. Daisycat I hope you read it and really think about what it is saying. This is exactly what most of us have been trying to tell you.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bl...e-our-reality/

[KoKo]

When I read this article I thought of this thread. Daisycat I hope you read it and really think about what it is saying. This is exactly what most of us have been trying to tell you.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bl...e-our-reality/

Thanks SNOOPY

Great article and very fitting to this thread.

Take Care

[KittyCoCo]

Jules

I'm very sorry that I

Although I don't understand Daisycat's rationale nothing she has written offended me but this sure did.

KittyCoCo it is unfortunate you perceive the countless posts with encouragement, commiseration, suggestions, anecdotes and attempts to challenge flawed logic as unhelpful criticisms. Although I can only speak for myself I dare also speculate that no one else spent their time participating with less than helpful intentions.

I also suspect that despite not being what she always wanted to hear Daisycat also senses our good spirit or she wouldn't have continued to engage. I'm hoping we are planting seeds that someday will come to fruition no malice intended.

[KittyCoCo]

Jules

I'm very sorry that I offended you but this isn't really about you is it? I lived with a man for over 35 years that was Manic Depressive. I experienced depression first hand and no amount of rationalizing about his future or encouragement made a difference. The only thing that helped was medications. Many people with MS go through bouts of depression and no amount of coddling will help. One of the first questions that my neurologist asked me after I was diagnosed with MS is if I was on an antidepressant. It is common to experience depression with MS and I didn't hesitate to agree with her. I do think that Daisycat is truly depressed and needs understanding and talk with others that may have experienced what she is going through. Don't be so judgemental it could happen to you.

Although I don't understand Daisycat's rationale nothing she has written offended me but this sure did.

KittyCoCo it is unfortunate you perceive the countless posts with encouragement, commiseration, suggestions, anecdotes and attempts to challenge flawed logic as unhelpful criticisms. Although I can only speak for myself I dare also speculate that no one else spent their time participating with less than helpful intentions.

I also suspect that despite not being what she always wanted to hear Daisycat also senses our good spirit or she wouldn't have continued to engage. I'm hoping we are planting seeds that someday will come to fruition no malice intended.

[SNOOPY]

One of the first questions that my neurologist asked me after I was diagnosed with MS is if I was on an antidepressant. It is common to experience depression with MS and I didn't hesitate to agree with her.

The fact you agreed to an antidepressant is a positive step in the right direction. Good for you!

I do think that Daisycat is truly depressed and needs understanding and talk with others that may have experienced what she is going through. Don't be so judgemental it could happen to you.

If you would have been less judgmental and read all of the posts and threads you would have noticed all of the suggestions, advice and encouragement for Daisycat.

You would have also noticed all of her responses are the same negative replies which discounts everything any of us have to say. Daisycat also refuses, even the thought of antidepressants and/or therapy. She would rather mix a Benzo, OTC (serious) supplements and alcohol.

I would suggest you spend some time and read everything posted within all of the threads Daisycat has started instead of judging what you perceive as not helpful.

[Seasha]

Dear Daisycat-

Thank you for participating on our message boards. I’m going to close this thread because I’m not sure you’re getting the help that you really need. We can only provide a certain amount of support online and I might suggest that you contact the MS friends help line to actually speak to someone.

https://www.msconnection.org/Support

Please call 1-866-673-7436
Volunteers with MS are available 9 a.m. to midnight ET, 7 days a week. All of your conversations are confidential.

So many members support you and will continue to. We just want you to get the best support you can.

And to all our wonderful members here at MSWorld, thank you for your candid testimonies, your sincere efforts to support Daisycat with suggestions, ideas and kind, loving comments!