It's been a month and it's about time I thanked everyone here for all the beautiful messages, prayers, thoughts and love during Sam's illness and his passing. I cannot express to you my appreciation for all of you. It amazes me how complete strangers can be so supportive at a time like this.
This has really been the hardest part of my life so far. There hasn't been a day yet that the flood haven't come on me. But I think things are getting a little easier. I've been keeping myself busy with repairs to our house... things we talked about doing before he just couldn't participate anymore. We just put things off for the last couple of years. But having this work done has made me feel like I've just been wiping his memory away... donating his clothing and his books... I feel like I'm rushing to put him out of his home. So of course, this is all making me feel worse. Can't really explain it.
His room has become a shrine. His ashes are here, his American Flag from the Navy, his pictures and some little things he loved. But that's all that's left. I am glad he is not suffering anymore, but I'd give anything to have him back. The last 2 days were quiet, like he had already left. So many things I wished I would have said to him while he could still hear me. I whispered in his ear that we all loved him and he could go on anytime he wanted. I watched him take his last breath and saw the peace on his face.
My soul is in turmoil.. not believing in much of anything. I can't understand how a loving God could be so cruel. I know most of you have prayed for us and believe in a better place. I'm sorry to be negative. Maybe this will pass for me later.
I haven't been able to take care of myself yet. Have had a UTI, torn cartilage in my ribs and some kind of rash come up over the last couple weeks. Stress induced, no doubt. Too much hard crying. Maybe some kind of exacerbation going on. Once I settle down I'll try to start making appointments with all the various doctors to check things out. For now I am grieving uncontrollably.
Thank you all so much for caring and thinking of me. My kids are a great help. Hopefully I won't have to bring this back to you again. Let's move on, right! Love you all!!
This has really been the hardest part of my life so far. There hasn't been a day yet that the flood haven't come on me. But I think things are getting a little easier. I've been keeping myself busy with repairs to our house... things we talked about doing before he just couldn't participate anymore. We just put things off for the last couple of years. But having this work done has made me feel like I've just been wiping his memory away... donating his clothing and his books... I feel like I'm rushing to put him out of his home. So of course, this is all making me feel worse. Can't really explain it.
His room has become a shrine. His ashes are here, his American Flag from the Navy, his pictures and some little things he loved. But that's all that's left. I am glad he is not suffering anymore, but I'd give anything to have him back. The last 2 days were quiet, like he had already left. So many things I wished I would have said to him while he could still hear me. I whispered in his ear that we all loved him and he could go on anytime he wanted. I watched him take his last breath and saw the peace on his face.
My soul is in turmoil.. not believing in much of anything. I can't understand how a loving God could be so cruel. I know most of you have prayed for us and believe in a better place. I'm sorry to be negative. Maybe this will pass for me later.
I haven't been able to take care of myself yet. Have had a UTI, torn cartilage in my ribs and some kind of rash come up over the last couple weeks. Stress induced, no doubt. Too much hard crying. Maybe some kind of exacerbation going on. Once I settle down I'll try to start making appointments with all the various doctors to check things out. For now I am grieving uncontrollably.
Thank you all so much for caring and thinking of me. My kids are a great help. Hopefully I won't have to bring this back to you again. Let's move on, right! Love you all!!
Comment