Hello! I just thought I would share how I keep up with things. I really wish I would have known this right from the start, so I thought I'd share in case it helps someone else. Also, please share what helps you; I still have a lot to learn!
MS hit me like a ton of bricks, but I think it was progressing all along and the ton of bricks was just a massive [pseudo?] flare. I continue to go downhill, but I no longer have the major [pseudo?] flares unless I do not stick to what helps (and that's what I am going to share below).
[I assume the flares are just 'pseudo' because once I learned how to manage my new life, the freakish things that were popping up stopped popping up. I just keep steadily progressing.]
So, here's what has helped. First and foremost, I am blessed with a ton of support. My friends and family recognized right away that my responsibilities needed to change fast, so they started taking over and doing what I could no longer do. This was definitely a learning process for all of us, and it has taken us all about 6 years or more of refining to get this far. Now I just do what I can, when I can, and if I cannot do "it", they do it for me. If I can do "it", they consider that a bonus.
It's such a blessing that they can look at me and know "mom is shutting down" or "mom is not thinking right" [meaning "mom needs help"]. I also have a friend that I trust who takes over in my decision making when I can no longer think for myself. From something as simple as what to eat, to the more complicated things and issues of life. I just say, "take over", and I can rest in that instead of stress out ... because STRESS is what makes everything worse for me. Which reminds me, it took me several years to realize that GOOD THINGS can be just as stressful on my body as bad things. For example, I LOVE to host families in our fellowship for supper, but I had to stop.
I separate my responsibilities in to several categories, and aim to do whatever I can get done in about 15 minutes, take a break (as long as needed), do another 15 minutes of work, take a break, do another 15 minutes, and so on. If I go much longer than 15 minutes, I need a longer break and do not get nearly as much done by the end of the day. So, pacing myself and taking plenty of breaks is absolutely key. If I can, I try to sit down while working.
Categories.
1. Things that need done daily-ish that I can usually do throughout the day.
Examples would be keeping the kitchen clean (the kitchen is used throughout the day, so I have several 15 minutes time segments for the kitchen), making my bed, keeping the living area tidy, and so on. I also have weekly jobs but aim to do one weekly job a day, that way a little something gets done daily. Weekly jobs would be cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, dusting, gathering the recycle, laundry, and so on.
Lunch and breakfast: I try to get these things started the evening before so I'm not in the kitchen for an hour in the morning. When this happens, I get behind because I need to rest more.
I do the morning barn chores if I can. I really, really enjoy that job, so I try to keep it for myself. I love the fresh air, the breeze, the sunshine (or rain!), the animals. It's peaceful and brings me joy. My oldest son lives nearby, and he does the evening chores - they take a lot more strength and energy.
Another chore I LOVE and try to keep for myself is weeding the garden for 15 minutes a day. This is definitely saved for the morning, when it's still cool. In the heat of the summer, I do it as early as possible. I'm an early riser, and morning is my most functional time, so when it gets really hot I will weed the garden around 5 or 6 am. I have a small folding stool that I sit on while weeding, otherwise my legs give out.
I do not keep a list for weekly jobs - I just let them happen naturally. A list for weekly jobs seems to stress me out.
2. Things that need done that I can do, but they do not need done "now".
No timeline here. Just random things I see around the house and farm. I have a running list going in my bullet journal; every time I notice something that needs done, I write it on the list. Whenever I feel up to spending a 15 minute segment on this list, I go for it. Things on this list include: tidying the laundry room, sweeping the steps to the apartment above the garage (that's where I live; my youngest son lives in the main house; we share the garage and the laundry room), tidy up the feed room, cleaning out the van, consolidating the food storage buckets, organizing the pantry, and so on.
Sometimes when my daughter visits I have her help me with a '15 minute job'. We usually get a few jobs done
3. Things that can be done while resting.
Instead of watching youtube or netflix while resting, I try to do quiet things - like write in my journal, update the money, crochet, read, etc. Sometimes however all I want to do is enjoy an episode of Father Brown in which case I set a timer for half way through and see if I'm ready at that time to do another 15 minute job. It's easy to get so caught up in a show that I forget to work on my tasks and then I get behind and someone else has to do them for me.
4. Things that need done but I cannot do them.
Hoof trimming, heavy yard work, installing hooks for my hanging baskets, securing the quail pen, rearranging the chicken pens, making hay feeders for the extra goat pens, moving the cow's mineral block (that thing is heavy!), and so on. I have a running list in my bullet journal for these types of jobs. I mark the ones that are priority so they stand out above the ones that are not. Whenever my boys or my daughter and her husband have a little bit of time, they ask what's on the list. BEFORE I had the list, they used to ask and my mind would draw a blank; now I just let the list think for me.
Sunday and yesterday they all worked on making me a flower bed [on the list of course!] I could have never, ever done that myself, but they whipped it out in about a half hour each day.
A few more things I'd like to share. I cannot safely drive very far, so my driving is only to church and once in a while to town (both are about 5-10 minutes from me). My good friend takes me on longer drives, and I am sure to bring along my pillow and ear plugs so I can take a nap whenever I need to. My daughter takes me shopping in the bigger town once or twice a month. I use the electric cart scooter thing for the bigger stores. I stay in the car for the smaller stops. If I have to walk, I hold on to the cart (she pushes - it's too much work for me) and walk really slow.
Also, I've had to really lower my standards and expectations of myself. I used to have everything organized, tidy, etc, all the time. I have had to learn to let things go, let things wait, ask others for help, and so on.
I used to be very active and capable, so this new life has been a huge adjustment!!! But, once I got past the initial 6 years (or so), I've found that I've been able to actually enjoy the new, slower, more peaceful pace ... as long as my mind is not all wonky. If my mind goes wonky, then scratch what I just said! There's not much peace in a mixed up, crazy brain, but I'm learning.
So, that's what I have. Like I said, it took me along time to get to this place. I am steadily progressing with MS, but as long as I stick to what helps me, I generally am able to live a pretty fulfilling life.
What helps you??
MS hit me like a ton of bricks, but I think it was progressing all along and the ton of bricks was just a massive [pseudo?] flare. I continue to go downhill, but I no longer have the major [pseudo?] flares unless I do not stick to what helps (and that's what I am going to share below).
[I assume the flares are just 'pseudo' because once I learned how to manage my new life, the freakish things that were popping up stopped popping up. I just keep steadily progressing.]
So, here's what has helped. First and foremost, I am blessed with a ton of support. My friends and family recognized right away that my responsibilities needed to change fast, so they started taking over and doing what I could no longer do. This was definitely a learning process for all of us, and it has taken us all about 6 years or more of refining to get this far. Now I just do what I can, when I can, and if I cannot do "it", they do it for me. If I can do "it", they consider that a bonus.
It's such a blessing that they can look at me and know "mom is shutting down" or "mom is not thinking right" [meaning "mom needs help"]. I also have a friend that I trust who takes over in my decision making when I can no longer think for myself. From something as simple as what to eat, to the more complicated things and issues of life. I just say, "take over", and I can rest in that instead of stress out ... because STRESS is what makes everything worse for me. Which reminds me, it took me several years to realize that GOOD THINGS can be just as stressful on my body as bad things. For example, I LOVE to host families in our fellowship for supper, but I had to stop.
I separate my responsibilities in to several categories, and aim to do whatever I can get done in about 15 minutes, take a break (as long as needed), do another 15 minutes of work, take a break, do another 15 minutes, and so on. If I go much longer than 15 minutes, I need a longer break and do not get nearly as much done by the end of the day. So, pacing myself and taking plenty of breaks is absolutely key. If I can, I try to sit down while working.
Categories.
1. Things that need done daily-ish that I can usually do throughout the day.
Examples would be keeping the kitchen clean (the kitchen is used throughout the day, so I have several 15 minutes time segments for the kitchen), making my bed, keeping the living area tidy, and so on. I also have weekly jobs but aim to do one weekly job a day, that way a little something gets done daily. Weekly jobs would be cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, dusting, gathering the recycle, laundry, and so on.
Lunch and breakfast: I try to get these things started the evening before so I'm not in the kitchen for an hour in the morning. When this happens, I get behind because I need to rest more.
I do the morning barn chores if I can. I really, really enjoy that job, so I try to keep it for myself. I love the fresh air, the breeze, the sunshine (or rain!), the animals. It's peaceful and brings me joy. My oldest son lives nearby, and he does the evening chores - they take a lot more strength and energy.
Another chore I LOVE and try to keep for myself is weeding the garden for 15 minutes a day. This is definitely saved for the morning, when it's still cool. In the heat of the summer, I do it as early as possible. I'm an early riser, and morning is my most functional time, so when it gets really hot I will weed the garden around 5 or 6 am. I have a small folding stool that I sit on while weeding, otherwise my legs give out.
I do not keep a list for weekly jobs - I just let them happen naturally. A list for weekly jobs seems to stress me out.
2. Things that need done that I can do, but they do not need done "now".
No timeline here. Just random things I see around the house and farm. I have a running list going in my bullet journal; every time I notice something that needs done, I write it on the list. Whenever I feel up to spending a 15 minute segment on this list, I go for it. Things on this list include: tidying the laundry room, sweeping the steps to the apartment above the garage (that's where I live; my youngest son lives in the main house; we share the garage and the laundry room), tidy up the feed room, cleaning out the van, consolidating the food storage buckets, organizing the pantry, and so on.
Sometimes when my daughter visits I have her help me with a '15 minute job'. We usually get a few jobs done
3. Things that can be done while resting.
Instead of watching youtube or netflix while resting, I try to do quiet things - like write in my journal, update the money, crochet, read, etc. Sometimes however all I want to do is enjoy an episode of Father Brown in which case I set a timer for half way through and see if I'm ready at that time to do another 15 minute job. It's easy to get so caught up in a show that I forget to work on my tasks and then I get behind and someone else has to do them for me.
4. Things that need done but I cannot do them.
Hoof trimming, heavy yard work, installing hooks for my hanging baskets, securing the quail pen, rearranging the chicken pens, making hay feeders for the extra goat pens, moving the cow's mineral block (that thing is heavy!), and so on. I have a running list in my bullet journal for these types of jobs. I mark the ones that are priority so they stand out above the ones that are not. Whenever my boys or my daughter and her husband have a little bit of time, they ask what's on the list. BEFORE I had the list, they used to ask and my mind would draw a blank; now I just let the list think for me.
Sunday and yesterday they all worked on making me a flower bed [on the list of course!] I could have never, ever done that myself, but they whipped it out in about a half hour each day.
A few more things I'd like to share. I cannot safely drive very far, so my driving is only to church and once in a while to town (both are about 5-10 minutes from me). My good friend takes me on longer drives, and I am sure to bring along my pillow and ear plugs so I can take a nap whenever I need to. My daughter takes me shopping in the bigger town once or twice a month. I use the electric cart scooter thing for the bigger stores. I stay in the car for the smaller stops. If I have to walk, I hold on to the cart (she pushes - it's too much work for me) and walk really slow.
Also, I've had to really lower my standards and expectations of myself. I used to have everything organized, tidy, etc, all the time. I have had to learn to let things go, let things wait, ask others for help, and so on.
I used to be very active and capable, so this new life has been a huge adjustment!!! But, once I got past the initial 6 years (or so), I've found that I've been able to actually enjoy the new, slower, more peaceful pace ... as long as my mind is not all wonky. If my mind goes wonky, then scratch what I just said! There's not much peace in a mixed up, crazy brain, but I'm learning.
So, that's what I have. Like I said, it took me along time to get to this place. I am steadily progressing with MS, but as long as I stick to what helps me, I generally am able to live a pretty fulfilling life.
What helps you??
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