please help me

[diguilio]

HI....I need help....i hate my life...i don't know where to go from here....i know i will never feel any better and i know i am only going to get worse....i don't know what should do at this point....why am i stiil alive because i don't see the point??????????????

[Tracy42]

You are not alone!

I know how you feel, and I wish I had answers.
Please know that you are not alone.

I want to write something uplifting for you! But.....it sucks!

I can share, that I have had long periods of wondering why I was ever born, followed by a window of something good to even great happening to me.

I am sending hugs, and hang on!!!

[Seasha]

Hi diguilio - many of us have replied to your other recent email http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=133482

Please seek help!

[diguilio]

THANK YOU

Tracy42, THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO ME. GREATLY APPRECIATED!

[zilphia01]

yikes

I feel so bad for you. I know that this damned disease sucks so much positive energy, or attitude from me. All I can say is that when I am feeling that low and cranky, and I hate everything, I start doing something for someone else.

Whether it is for a student that has nothing, or a family that needs something I have, or... whatever! For me, that is the only way I can re-establish the good feeling I crave. I feel like I am doing something that the Lord would expect and lead me to, and I am helping someone else. Takes my mind off myself for at least a small while.... then other times I feel I may have to resort to meds.... I am fighting that.

Good Luck and God Bless. this whole thing sucks

[Diamond57]

Please listen to Seasha.......you really are beginning to worry us. I just read your previous posts and your pain is so evident. Feel my arms reach into the computer for a hug. I feel you really need one. I am lighting a candle for you to find some peace when I get off here. I hope you have a peaceful evening.

Susie Q

[Chowda]

Infinite experiences for others lie only in you. From poet Rumi:

You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.

[MSW1963]

It takes courage to bare your soul to strangers on a MS message board

diguilio, after following your post over months, the past year? I'm encouraged that you are posting more often, and able to express your feelings more than you have in your earlier post.

Also, your longer, more expressive posts show me you are improving since you started posting, when you posted only one or two sentences. Great progress and congrats on that break through accomplishment. It takes courage to bare your soul to strangers on a MS message board.

I realize your family situation is complicated, living with your parents who seem indifferent to your MS, and your daughter appearing to 'betray' you based on her dependence on your parents. As a mother, I empathise with that feeling.

Have you scheduled an appointment with your MS doc, a therapist, PT, or other resourses that will help you feel better, and maybe even empower by helping you you stabelize your emotional state?

There is no shame for anyone fighting as hard as you, to reach out for professional help available to you, or reaching out to all of us here who are so eager to support you.

Did you send the letter to your daughter?

[MyGirlsMom]

Diguilio,
I am sad to hear that you are having such a hard time, but your post has touched many hearts. You have friends here on MS World that really care! MS truly is such a difficult disease that slowly takes away pieces of ourselves....as much as I try to explain to my non-ms friends and family, they really just don't get it...not until you live with MS.

I remember having many times in my life feeling like you do...especially before my diagnosis when the doctors and family just thought I was crazy. (I think the disease did make me a bit crazy, actually! Lol!). Seriously though, during those times, I thought it would never pass....but it did and I did have good times again including healthier times too. It is just SO HARD when you are in the thick of it. Some times I literally would have to focus on just getting through the next hour of the day...making short goals helped me to cope.

Several people offered many great suggestions. Perhaps you could try just one idea each day. For me I need to sit in some sunshine, even for a bit each day...it really helps me feel better and more positive. I think it is seeing the plants and nature, hearing birds sing, smelling cut grass (even if it aggravates my allergies a bit), and even watching the clouds and rain roll in followed by the sun coming back out. It refreshes me. Meds have also been a good option for me...I hate taking them as I am pretty much an anti-drug person but sometimes it is just the lift I need in order to do other positive things to really help myself.

I just wanted you to know that I too care, will keep you in my prayers and hope that the sun rises brightly for you tomorrow! Sending big warm hugs...MGM.

[Thinkimjob]

Physically you may never get better, but that doesn't mean you won't ever feel better.

Strangely enough, I've never been much worse physically, but mentally, I'm pretty good.

It's not acceptance or giving up; it's a sort of relaxing. It's not our fault we have MS. We don't deserve it, we didn't do something to cause it, and there's not much we can do about it.

Once I stopped thinking about all the whys and what ifs, I stopped blaming myself and feeling guilty for no good reason.

It is what it is.

All the best.

[REG53]

I am so sorry life feels so hopeless to you right now but please know I understand and have felt the same way before. You are not alone, God is with you even when you don't feel him. There will be a brighter day.

We all care about you and I will say a prayer for you.

[Mamabug]

diguilio -

Like many other members, I am also sorry for your pain; and I am concerned about you.

Please consider some of Seasha's suggestions from another thread.

- I am glad that you are on anti-depressants. They often take 6-7 weeks to begin to become effective. If you have been on longer than that, perhaps you could benefit by going back to your prescribing doctor and requesting a change to another rx. If they do not seem to be working.

- I am also glad that you are receiving some counseling from a nurse. If that is not effective, again, perhaps a change to a mental health therapist could be considered.

Social support can be either formal, or non-formal. It can come from either agencies (such as counseling, as mentioned above; but also support groups), or from peers.
- I hope that you have friends or family or a local church group to provide some "friendship" support. But, as you seem to be aware, a more formal support group could be a good idea too.
. . . . Perhaps your local MS Society might offer a support group. Or, could provide some suggestions about where to find one. Or, a pastor at a local church might have some ideas (even if it is not your church). Or, your nurse, who is providing some help already.
If none of those can help you, don't give up. Ask them who else you could go to for ideas regarding where to find a support group.

- Seasha's suggestions about entertainment (try to have fun), and exercise (good for endorphins) are good too. Also, sunlight. Or sunlight light bulbs (full spectrum light bulbs) could be purchased online or perhaps at a health food store.

Please take care of yourself.

~ Faith

Dear diguilio~ you have so many of us concerned for you. Me included. I want to ask you some questions and suggestions and hope you will answer. We really don't know much about you except you are having communication problems with your daughter and that you hate MS, like we all do!

1. Are you on any antidepressant? If not, would you be willing to talk with your dr. about this? It has been suggested to you before from those of us who are (or have been) depressed and it has certainly helped us! Me included.

2. Are you seeing a therapist or counselor? If not, would you be willing to get a referral to see one? Once again, many of us here have gone and gained much support and help with working thru our issues. Me included.

3. Do you feel isolated? Do you have friends or family or church group around to be with you and support you? Is there a MS support group nearby to connect with? Here's a link to help you get started in finding a chapter near you: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Chapters I go to one and it gets me out to meet up with new friends who also have MS. I learn a lot from these meetings as well.

4. Can you do some form of exercise? Any form of exercise will help to raise your endorphin level and make you feel better as long as you exercise within your limits.

5. Do you have some form of entertainment available to you? Going to a theater to watch a movie - playing cards with friends - going to a park to watch children play - having a hobby, etc.

I know you come here for support and that is really good! I hope you know we care. These are just some suggestions beyond your MSWorld friends to possibly get you though the tough times.

What do you think? Are you up for any of these suggestions given with a loving and concerned heart?
Please take care of yourself and get back to us!