Boating & MS

[sam]

My husband just bought a boat last June, a dream of his for a long time finally came true. We live in Canada near Vancouver I loved going out in the boat in the nice weather, even though it is very difficult getting me on, once I'm out there it is just so beautiful, and I just feel joy again, and serenity.

I can't stay overnight, because the toilet is way to low& I there is a step to go over, & the bed is very hard for me to get in & out of. So I just don't bother going. He has joined a yacht club, and they will be going on lots of overnight cruises tis summer, and of coarse I have to stay behind, and have someone here at the house, because I can't be alone. I know that is is tired of having to travel by himself, and I am so worried that he is going to meet someone that has all the capability that I don't and they will go out together.

Very insecure I guess

[sulphur kennel]

Tell him what you are feeling.

I get to feeling in a similar way with my husband. I can't do many things anymore. We have an agreement to always talk to each other and to listen to each other.

[Goldfinch]

If he can afford a boat, he can afford some type of modifications for you. And if he can't afford modifications, he should save up for them or find someone with the skills to help. Talk to a carpenter and see if they have any ideas about how to make a boat more user friendly for you. Your husband loves boating, you love boating...make this a priority, because it is. Shared experiences are important to a marriage. You know this or you wouldn't feel insecure about the arrangement.

[MSer102]

I have to agree with poster Tarbaby. If the toilet is too low for you, change out the toilet. There can be modifications made to the bed, too. But even if it's hard to get in and out of, you only get in and out of it once or twice a night. That doesn't sound like an insurmountable problem. It's only a couple of minutes out of an entire day.

Your husband can make some sacrifices by making modifications to the boat. And if you want to keep an eye on your husband, you have to be willing to make a couple of sacrifices yourself. It might not be that your husband will be looking for someone who "has all the capabilities" but just for someone who "does want to bother" going.

[MSW1963]

'once I'm out there it is just so beautiful, and I just feel joy again, and serenity.'

That alone sounds like the best reason to push yourself just a bit? The second best reason, as tarbaby pointed out, is the importance of shared experiences in your relationship. I can't imagine a more perfect experience to share.

The third best reason is if you don't push yourself just a bit, ask for the modest modifications you mentioned, you will be missing out on the first two, plus feeling lonely, left out, suspicious, eventually resentful? Just my opinion, plus I'm sooo envious. This from someone born and raised in the water, on the water, near water, who misses boating, swimming and all related recreational activities, one who also misses the joy and serenity you described.

[mjan]

I agree with the others. Instead of feeling bad and left out find reasons to make it work! Ask for help!

There are raised toilet seats, and couldn't your hubby help you up onto the bed? There ARE things to be discovered about yourself in solving this..hope you know what that is.

Ask your husband to figure this out with you!

Warmly, Jan ( I am so jealous..LOL)