Trying to talk to strangers is frustrating

[palmtree]

I'm working with my social worker to stop the SHOULD in my life. I SHOULD socialize. Yea, but when things happen spontaneously they are so much better.

The people who knew me before I got MS have been the most kind. One pair of twins who one is a doctor knows what a struggle I've been through in the past three years.

I like listening about other people's life but I've been less empathetic when their biggest problem is finding a contractor to remodel their house.

On the other hand, I think the ones who know I have MS sometimes don't know what to say. They are afraid they might offend me.

[Strhuntrss]

Just wanted you all to know ...

I took some of your advice and decided to tell whats happening with me to a co-worker at work.

I was afraid as I just started this job about a month ago.

My 90 day probation is in October and I was worried that I was not keeping up with the demands of my new job as far as quantity every hour.

I love my new job but I found that at times I am not able to keep up with the others. And that my supervisor is always telling me to "step it up".

I kept telling her this is as "step it up" as I can get.

I was afraid that they would not appreciate my sense of humor, so I decided today to tell my floor supervisor about my condition while on lunch.

She had opened up about something personal that was happening to her and her husband, so I took the opportunity.

I think God had a hand in it, because after I told her she was much easier on me the rest of the day.

She saw that I was and am doing my best, but its within MY ability.

So I want to thank everyone who gave me the great suggestions. Boy has it helped!

On reading through the replies, I found, as Cher did, that some of you feel isolated and alone.

Take my advice, let someone in on what is the matter.

You will find that others really do care and want to help.

They just need to know what they can do and if you allow them, they will be there for you in any way they can.

Don't feel isolated and alone. There are people out there who can and will help us, if we only let them in.

A good place to start is your church if you have one. They have resources to get you the help you need. I found our church has something called "GO ministries".

Say I know of someone who is in need of companionship, or needs grass mowed or needs some shopping done. They appoint someone to call and see if they can visit this person.

When they find out the need and that they can visit, two people are assigned and they fulfill the need and visit them awhile.

In doing this, this person doesn't feel alone anymore. They now have someone who stops by every two weeks to check in on them. And if nothing else, it is some companionship for a couple of hours that makes them feel not so alone.

Its worth a try ... and know that you are NOT alone here!

WE are here for YOU!

[Marco]

I've had this problem too so I completely understand how you feel. It's embarrassing and I feel like a dolt. This happens more frequently when I am tired or stressed. I simply forget what I was saying, get word block or experience speech abnormalities. I stutter or prolongate my v-v-v-oooweeells.

When wife sees me struggling she jumps in and bails me out. I can also just look at her and she knows I’m in trouble and helps.

Advanced preparation
This also happens when I have to call customer service for any reason (cable bill, call for pizza or whatever). In these situations I normally pre-empt the discussion with a short canned phrase.

“Please excuse me, but I have multiple sclerosis and it impacts my speech.
Please bear with me and I will do my best to speak clearly.”

This serves two general purposes; 1) it gives me latitude to take my time and focus on normal breathing and articulating 2) it encourages them to actually pay attention and LISTEN.

I also try to prepare a little saying for when I get confused. Just work on something that fits your personality.

“Unfortunately, I have MS so I walk like I am drunk and now I am sounding like it too. Sorry.”

“I’m sorry for that terrible sentence. My 2nd grade English teacher should be fired.”

“You couldn’t cut up the English language any better with a set of Ginsu knives.”

In the moment
Take a breath.
Slow down.
Be honest with your audience.
Try again.


Hang in there ...

[KatieAgain]

I've had this problem too so I completely understand how you feel. It's embarrassing and I feel like a dolt. This happens more frequently when I am tired or stressed. I simply forget what I was saying, get word block or experience speech abnormalities. I stutter or prolongate my v-v-v-oooweeells.

When wife sees me struggling she jumps in and bails me out. I can also just look at her and she knows I’m in trouble and helps.

Advanced preparation
This also happens when I have to call customer service for any reason (cable bill, call for pizza or whatever). In these situations I normally pre-empt the discussion with a short canned phrase.

“Please excuse me, but I have multiple sclerosis and it impacts my speech.
Please bear with me and I will do my best to speak clearly.”

This serves two general purposes; 1) it gives me latitude to take my time and focus on normal breathing and articulating 2) it encourages them to actually pay attention and LISTEN.

I also try to prepare a little saying for when I get confused. Just work on something that fits your personality.

“Unfortunately, I have MS so I walk like I am drunk and now I am sounding like it too. Sorry.”

“I’m sorry for that terrible sentence. My 2nd grade English teacher should be fired.”

“You couldn’t cut up the English language any better with a set of Ginsu knives.”

In the moment
Take a breath.
Slow down.
Be honest with your audience.
Try again.


Hang in there ...

What an exceptional response. I am certainly going to try this approach with the two new groups that I have joined.

[Strhuntrss]

Marco ... I had to laugh when I read ..

“You couldn’t cut up the English language any better with a set of Ginsu knives.”

I thought of something ...

Some people nowadays have their own cell phone and email language, they txt n ltl wrds, lol, hagd and c u ltr.

Guess twittering started that.

And Thank You Hunterd, for posting what they mean on this site! I refer to it often, lol.

Which I am not good at, I prefer the old fashion way with punctuations and all that grammer.

Anyhow, When I read your response Marco, I thought, hey, we already have our own unique language and it could catch on!

When our sentences and words don't come out quite the way we would like, we could just say that it is the newest craze of language.

And we can help you learn it.

What do you think?

[Cher561]

We are strong!

What power has come out of this thread! Can't you feel the strength growing out of the support for those who need it?
Keep it up! I am going to pop into this one regularly as a reminder that we are stronger than we think.

[dyin_myelin]

I had a great conversation with the person I was sitting next to during Thanksgiving. I even found a quiet place to curl up next to a fireplace beforehand and had the energy to help with the dishes. We talked a little bit about her job, marketing optimization for Yelp, and my job. Then, she asked me what I was doing the next day so I said, MRI. Oh, do you have an injury, no, MS.

After I said that it was like I said I had leprosy or airborne gonorrhea. Maybe in this family it's declasse to have a wasting disease. It was soo awkward, she actually turned a bit to make conversation impossible. As I was leaving I spoke her name and said, it was very nice to meet you, and she couldn't even manage a closing nicety.

** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

[tommylee]

Can anyone help with some suggestions?

I love conversations but seems my brain does not

I enjoy talking to people but my brain drops thoughts and names all the time.
It used to make me very self conscience but now when it happens I just tell people I have brain damage and lost my thought. They will usually repeat what I was saying and then I can resume the conversation.

People seem to understand brain damage and it saves me time explaining the effects of MS and I can enjoy a conversation without talking about MS.

[Irina Maria]

Trying to talk to strangers is frustrating. Hubby and I went on vacation this weekend and I tried to have a conversation with a couple we met on a hot air balloon ride.

I couldn't believe that I got stuck in the middle of a conversation. I couldn't remember what I was just saying. Then the words came out all wrong.

Thank God my hubby was there. He usually can finish my sentences for me. He has a way to just come in at the right moment when I stumble.

There are times that I don't want to talk to others for fear that I can't remember what I'm saying.

He is the talkative one and I have become the quiet one.

Can anyone help with some suggestions?

I love conversations but seems my brain does not

You can talk to me, if u want* I am here to listen**
GoOd be with us,
Irina-Maria

[Strhuntrss]

Here's a laugh at words

Living in Punxsutawney and having/wanting to talk with people on Ground Hog Day was interesting to say the least.

I love watching and listening to people talking around me.

I was able to meet a couple from Japan and a woman from Bogata, Columbia.

They all come here just to see the rodent that can't seem to get the weather prediction right, just like the tv weathermen, .

I was talking with some friends who make groundhog hats and noticed a man wanting to buy one.

He tried one on and I thought he looked rather good in it. I told him it complimented his beard and his vest. With that said and his wife laughing at him I turned and walked away.

Later did I see him on the street and he looked at me and smiled.

I said nice to see you again. See I told you your vest complimented your beard.

He looked at me weird and smiled then walked away.

When I turned to cross the street, it struck me what I had said. And I felt so stupid.

Don't think I will do that again, but I did laugh at myself

[KatieAgain]

OMG....I am so glad you brought this thread up again. Don't remember it, because I was in the middle of a bad flare and just wanted to die...but everyone talked me down from that.

But something y'all said must of stuck with me because I followed a lot of Marcos advice.

I joined those two groups. They saw me in the mother flare, up close and personal. And I told them I had MS and that it really, really sucked! I was using a rollater and walking stick back then.

What I found amazing is they did not shun me. They embraced me...MS and all. They were floored when I told them later that I was Retired Air Force. LOL. One of them is an artist and she is making me a pin that has "MS stands for Mighty Strong" so I can wear it next month.

Something good came out of that effing flare.

[hdwhit753]

I agree with Cher561

Don't isolate yourself simply because you can't talk well or you just stop talking in the middle of a thought. You need the stimulation to keep your brain going; that's part of how it heals.

Also, when you isolate yourself you may start filling the time with other things, like food or drink. I did both - starting with pizza until I got over 200 pounds. Then I managed to lose the excess weight, but started drinking until I developed a severe problem. Now, I make sure I have at least two social outlets a week. And I attend them on my own so that I'm not tempted to let my wife rescue me when I freeze up in the middle of a sentence.

[J-Bo]

I play music with others two nights a week. They know about my MS, and I guess I play better than I speak so it doesn't matter that much. It's a wonderful way to interact without talking, so I count my lucky stars that my mother wouldn't let me quit music lessons when I wanted to.

[Plynn]

Fatigue and hearing loss make social environments hard for me, especially in the evenings. I also have become isolated due to this and know that it is not good to spend so much time alone.

I have had so many awkward moments when I have been overtired..it is not worth the huge effort anymore.

All the friends I had in my early days with MS have moved on as they continue to work during the day and socialize in the evenings. Only a few have hung in for the long haul.

I have a wonderful husband but he is not a social person. I used to be the one organizing our social lives and was always the life of the party. Now..not so much..

Easier to stay at home..be it right or wrong..it is where I am right now.

Thank you for starting this thread.