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    Trying to talk to strangers is frustrating

    Trying to talk to strangers is frustrating. Hubby and I went on vacation this weekend and I tried to have a conversation with a couple we met on a hot air balloon ride.

    I couldn't believe that I got stuck in the middle of a conversation. I couldn't remember what I was just saying. Then the words came out all wrong.

    Thank God my hubby was there. He usually can finish my sentences for me. He has a way to just come in at the right moment when I stumble.

    There are times that I don't want to talk to others for fear that I can't remember what I'm saying.

    He is the talkative one and I have become the quiet one.

    Can anyone help with some suggestions?

    I love conversations but seems my brain does not
    STR

    #2
    This happens to me, also. I understand completely, I assure you. All I can suggest is to slow down. Really think about what you are going to say. And how to form those words.

    I have to remind myself that I cannot converse like I once did. And it is good to have someone there save you.

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      #3
      A hot air balloon ride? A hubby who can finish sentences for you and has timing down to just the right moment? Lucky girl!

      I've had bouts of similar problems communicating with others, both following and participating in conversations. I don't know if there is therapy for it, or techniques you can use, etc. If mine returns, I'll be doing my research. It's one of the most frustrating things, losing the ability to express yourself.

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        #4
        People usually enjoy (or prefer?) to talk about themselves.

        One can always get by talking to strangers at cocktail parties and other such occasions by simply asking them questions about themselves and then listening.

        That's probably not the kind of suggestion you were looking for though.

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          #5
          Dealing with halting speech

          There are book and suggestions for conversation starters. I like to ask at a party or group "what would be your dream job or your do-over job if you had your life to do over again?" Another is "what would you ask about first if you were president?" Whomever here said people like to do the talking is right and I fall back on corporate "small talk" training with a new crowd, like on a cruise.

          But my best advice was from someone who used to run asupport group. She said that when she does something like bumping into people or has to ask the same thing over
          And over again she just lightly says a variation of "Oops/Damn/Sorry/Shoot but I have this neurological thing and bump into things/forget things/can't remember what I just did, etc. you don't have to explain much...especially if you are talking to anyone who is or knows someone over the age of around 50. Nothing to be embarrassed about really.

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            #6
            People do love to talk about themselves. There was a whole book on it - "How to Win Friends and Influence People".

            If you don't feel like explaining MS in 25 words or less, most people are easily distracted if you ask, "So, how are you?"

            I've got basically the full medical history of half the town. No need to talk at all. Just sit there, nod and say "oh dear" every now and again.

            I find it best to be sitting down somewhere quiet. I can hardly speak in coherent sentences while standing up. I don't think I'd be able to carry on any sort of conversation in a hot-air balloon.

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              #7
              That's a great observation, trying to carry on a conversation in a hot air balloon, a bit of over stimulation can definately put a strain on my social skills and conversational skills too.

              Even if the conversation was later, after the balloon ride, I imagine the association with over stimulation when you met the couple, a carry over kind of thing, if I'm making any sense at all. My conversational skills are on skids and it's late. nighty-nite.

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                #8
                After people look at me like I don't have a brain in my head a thousand times, I finally got to where I just come out and tell people " I'm sorry I have MS and my brain and my mouth do not always connect, so please bare with me". It works great! They will either say "that's fine just take your time", or "you are doing great" and most of the time it's oh that's OK, I do that all the time and I don't have MS and we both get a laugh out of it!

                I prefer emails or texting for this reason. I really hate phone calls with strangers. But my "little speech" always help a lot! I have heard to many times about how people have had people said cruel things like " they must be drunk, stupid or on drugs. I would rather people know I have a disease and am disabled. After all it is certainly nothing to be ashamed of!
                Sissy

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                  #9
                  I will be honest. I stopped socializing over this. Seriously, I feel like an idiot when this happens. So I have pretty much become a hermit. The people that know I have MS come over and visit, but I have given up on parties and social gatherings.

                  My social worker is trying to work on this with me...I have signed up for a Bridge and Mahjong Group, which starts next month...we will see how that goes. I might disclose up front and maybe it won't be such a big deal or maybe I might be shunned...don't know.
                  Katie
                  "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
                  "My MS is a Journey for One."
                  Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

                  Comment


                    #10
                    KatieAgain, since you brought up that you stopped socializing over awkward conversations, I have to confess that I've been socially isolating myself as a solution too.

                    Up post I indicated that I experienced bouts of similar problems communicating, awkward conversations. The truth is I don't experience the same difficulty now only because I've become a hermit myself.

                    I'm aware that it's pobably the very worst approach to use to solve the problem. It's encouraging to hear that you're working with a social worker and taking steps for a more positive solution.

                    Good for you comming out about it and the effect it's had on you. Best of luck too.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I'm so sorry to hear that. Social isolation is bad for your health.

                      Maybe meet with people (one or two at a time?) in a way that minimizes your need to participate? I have friends I go to the movies with, which is very easy.

                      I also have a good friend who will come over to watch an episode of a show with me (off the DVR or Netflix). We order food in and watch the show. Easy and relaxed and I don't need to change out of "home" clothes. And she knows not to overstay.

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                        #12
                        Speaking Issues ...

                        Thank you everyone, for your thoughts and suggestions!

                        I will take it slow when talking with others.

                        I will let people know why I stumble at times. And let them in on why I am this way at times.

                        Love you all
                        STR

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                          #13
                          My problem is not so much the talking, but gathering the energy to actually do anything.

                          I've got two good friends who are, bless 'em, putting in handrails and manageable steps out the front of their houses.

                          I have a horrible feeling they are wasting their money, because between working three days a week and gathering provisions, I am completely knackered.

                          The weird thing is, I feel so much (psychologically) better if I force myself to go out. Sitting at home is depressing, and one day just follows the next and before you know it months have passed and you've done nothing different.

                          I'm happy enough to have visitors, but only the ones who know when I've had enough. Crowds and parties are just too much.

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                            #14
                            I am glad this question was asked and the ensuing conversation. I have not faced this issue.

                            I avoid new situations and groups because I do stumble.
                            (Mentally and physically) In my small hometown it draws
                            attention so I just don't do certain things when feeling "under."

                            Not good for us to do that. Something to work on.

                            J
                            Diagnosed with MS spring 2010; Still loving life

                            Comment


                              #15
                              IMHO, Retreating from social activities is a mistake

                              Not sure i got the hang of where to write what in responses to others' posts but to those who are frustrated and self-conscious about socializing please know, first, that age is a great equalizer. That is, as you get older everybody has something wrong with them! Or just knows many other somebody's who do. We are not so special! And on the other end, there is nothing more important than support and friendship and understanding and sympathy from people who care about you. Shutting yourself off is I believe the worst thing you can do. It makes me very sad for those who are doing that. It is like a widow or widower's grief. Let friends IN.
                              Newcomers groups, book clubs, religious affiliations/clubs, young moms, old moms, singles clubs, volunteering....the list is almost endless. Touch your old friends. Go make new friends, please!
                              Off my soapbox now but I am the controlling older sibling so I get a pass for being a little bit obnoxious, right?

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