Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Guilty feelings over feelings about MS

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

    Guilty feelings over feelings about MS

    I have always had the 'it could be worse' attitude with my MS. Lately its gotten worse, I've gone from RRMS to SPMS, in the past 14 months I've had only 3 periods of about a week each where there were no issues.

    My problem is that I got some good advice from my dad upon DX, he said 'never feel sorry for yourself, it'll only bring you down, your husband and kids too,'. So I never did, no matter what I've always been positive. I didn't host 'one-person-pity-parties'. Now that I am not as mild as it was before, I'm having lasting issues and my physical self is on a decline. And it is making me upset because I decided upon DX that I would remain as mild, no big deal, I can handle that. Well, the course has changed and my decision doesn't matter. This reality and the with struggles I'm having daily I'm having a hard time with the glass half full attitude. This progression has me emotionally upset and its hard to be positive when I'm upset. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I don't know quite how to describe it, but I'm having lots of feelings about this and I've lost my way to being upbeat and I need to find it again.

    Any words of advice?
    Possible MS 1993, RRMS, Dx 2007, SPMS 2013. Avonex - Oct '07 - Jul '12, Gilenya - Sept '12 to May '13, Tecfidera - June '13 to present. You see things as they are and you ask why..I dream of things that never were and I ask 'Why Not?!'

    #2
    Hi Curious~ Do we have the same father?

    I remember feeling the same as you when my body started going toward the downhill slope. SP here too. When I emotionally hit "bottom", I sought out a therapist. I learned that it's really OK to experience all types of feelings on this journey of ours. If I squelch a certain emotion, it's going to fester and remain toxic. There were days on her patient chair that I howled, raged, cried rivers, you name it.

    I no longer see my therapist. When I do feel these conflicting emotions pop up from time to time, I just watch them. Ask myself what is this telling me? I will sit and meditate and breath and allow it to be.

    And I no longer listen to the voice of my dad I can have a pity part if I want to - if I feel sorry for myself, I allow it. It appears real, but it doesn't last.

    this is just my story.... I'll be thinking of you and wishing you wellness!
    1st sx '89 Dx '99 w/RRMS - SP since 2010
    Administrator Message Boards/Moderator

    Comment


      #3
      Seasha gave an excellent response Ironically, my first neuro. gave me the same advice when I was originally diagnosed (don't see him no more!). But they don't have M.S. do they? Probably not...

      Wallowing endlessly won't help, but coming here, seeing a shrink, taking ADs may be some helpful tools. Whatever you do, lose the guilt...it is way too depleting, especially when we are depleted from M.S. to begin with.

      Sending good, positive vibes in your direction!
      Tawanda
      ___________________________________________
      Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

      Comment


        #4
        Having MS is not like giving up smoking. It is beyond your control.

        It's a progressive disease, and as such, it's probably eventually going to progress.

        You can do everything "right" - drugs, vitamins, exercise, diet - and MS is still, probably, at some point, going to knock you down and give you a good kicking.

        (Which doesn't, of course, mean you should give up, or not do the "right" things, or not try to live the best life you can live.)

        No use feeling guilty about something you can't control. If, as they say, wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.

        In some ways, having SPMS has been a relief for me. No more false hope, no more having to pretend, no more having to say, "I'm fine".

        Comment


          #5
          Big Hug

          I am sending you a big hug Curious.

          I have been living with depression for many years and was diagnosed with MS only a few months ago. Keeping a positive attitude it very tough.

          When I am down, I try to focus on the concrete positive things. Thinking about the future is scary and I am very good at imagining the worst.

          So I look at what I have today and think how good that is. I have a wonderful man who loves me. I have two wonderful dogs who make me smile all the time. I live in a comfortable home. I have plenty to eat and on and on. Sometimes just the simple things are enough.

          Definitely get a mental health referral. Anti-depressants and a good therapist can make a huge difference.

          I wish you all the best!

          Cindy
          Cindy
          dx RRMS Nov 2012
          Copaxone started March 2013

          Comment


            #6
            The best advice I've ever gotten about anything is to "control the things you can control". If you're doing all you can for yourself then you're doing all you can. If you need to cry & throw a fit do it, get it out & get over it. Wallowing in it won't make things any better. Then find something to do to take your mind off of it.

            Honestly when I got diagnosed I was mad...what did I ever do to deserve this? But there's no one to be mad at so I decided to read all I can on the subject, follow the Drs. direction and ask questions when I have them. I will have good days I will have bad days and that I should make the most of the good days and just roll with the bad ones....

            Comment


              #7
              Let's face it, pity parties get boring pretty quickly. When you get sick of listening to yourself whine, the party's over.

              People with temporary health problems aren't told to never feel bad, so why are people with an incurable, potentially progressive disease expected to act like heroes 100% of the time? Ever hear someone talk about the flu they had last week? And if it happened on their vacation week?! They're allowed a pity party even when they're feeling better, so I'll take mine once in a blue moon, too.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by MMMMS View Post
                Let's face it, pity parties get boring pretty quickly. When you get sick of listening to yourself whine, the party's over.

                People with temporary health problems aren't told to never feel bad, so why are people with an incurable, potentially progressive disease expected to act like heroes 100% of the time? Ever hear someone talk about the flu they had last week? And if it happened on their vacation week?! They're allowed a pity party even when they're feeling better, so I'll take mine once in a blue moon, too.
                Excellent point! I miss the kind of "sick" where you get better!
                Tawanda
                ___________________________________________
                Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis 2004; First sign of trouble: 1994

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Thinkimjob View Post
                  Having MS is not like giving up smoking. It is beyond your control.

                  It's a progressive disease, and as such, it's probably eventually going to progress.

                  You can do everything "right" - drugs, vitamins, exercise, diet - and MS is still, probably, at some point, going to knock you down and give you a good kicking.

                  (Which doesn't, of course, mean you should give up, or not do the "right" things, or not try to live the best life you can live.)

                  No use feeling guilty about something you can't control. If, as they say, wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.

                  In some ways, having SPMS has been a relief for me. No more false hope, no more having to pretend, no more having to say, "I'm fine".
                  I never thought about it before, but the bolded is certainely true.

                  Curious, it's definitely a tough change going from being someone with an invisible form of MS to it being oh so visible. It sucks and is a huge adjustment.

                  That said, like Think said, it's kind of freeing to give up fighting to appear normal, healthy or whatever. It's a dark kind of solace, but it's better than no solace at all.
                  Aitch - Writer, historian, wondermom. First symptoms in my teens, DX'd in my twenties, disabled in my thirties. Still the luckiest girl in the world.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Interesting thread and interesting posts. I never realized that it DOES remove some of the explanations, having SPMS. I have my pity parties, but mostly I seem to "wander aimlessly". I need to figure out what I am supposed to be doing in life. My career is over, I have no children. Hmm don't really know, but I do try to remain a kind person.
                    Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      When I get down I give myself permission to feel down and all poor me for 1 day then I look in the mirror and tell myself now deal with it and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

                      We all need time to grieve and adjust to the forever changes and the things this stupid disease is taking from us and our families!

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by lisa1014 View Post
                        When I get down I give myself permission to feel down and all poor me for 1 day then I look in the mirror and tell myself now deal with it and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

                        We all need time to grieve and adjust to the forever changes and the things this stupid disease is taking from us and our families!
                        Well put, Lisa
                        Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

                        Comment

                        Working...
                        X