Coming out of shock

[saywhat]

I just need to vent I guess. To people who know what I'm talking about.

I'm so sick of all of the questions "Can't they give you something for it? How long is it going to last? When can you go back to work? How long does the flare up last? WIll you be able to work again? How are you paying your bills while you're out of work? Who takes care of your daughter? What is MS? What causes it?"

Oh.my.GOSHHHHHH

It's been about 8 weeks since I found out I had lesions, was hospitalized for a exacerbation, lost my job, lost my health insurance, got kicked out school, etc. etc. The last thing I want to do is sit and explain all about MS and everything I've had to research about it to people.

GOOGLE IT PEOPLE! Nobody sat me down and explained what MS was!! I don't have the energy to sit and explain every single thing to every single person when I don't even know half of the answers myself. ANd why is it anybody's business!? I wouldn't go up to somebody with cancer and ask, "When are you going back to work?" "How much chemo do you have left?"

People are so pathetic sometimes!!

I'm in a bout of severe depression right now. I've lost nearly everything the last 7 weeks. My job of 6 years, everything. Medicaid won't cover my Avonex until all of this paperwork gets filled out and my doctor won't get back to me. They also won't support my filing for SSD until I get an OT test and neuropsych consult. I'm too freaking broken right now to follow up with 50 peopl eand make 50 appointments. I just can't do it. I'm surviving. Breathing, eating, surviving and THAT IS ALL I CAN DO RIGHT NOW.

I am so depressed. Everything has started to hit me. I was in denial for so long at the beginning but now the crap has hit me. The exacerbation is over, but I've been left with right sided weakness, and the other common MS symptoms.

I am so sad, and scared, and I hate life right now. And if ONE MORE PERSON asks me ONE MORE FREAKING THING ABOUT MS OR MY LIFE I may flip out on them. If you want to help people.... PAY MY BILLS, don't tell me about your neighbor's grandpa's friend's sister who had MS. *crying*

Tell me it will get better. Tell me I'll get through this initial shock and sudden diagnosis and exacerbation. I just feel like I've reached my breaking point. I can't do anything else except just sit here and cry when I don't have my little girl keeping me busy.

Now I actually feel BETTER enough to go back to work, and I've lost my job. My well paying, awesome job.

[KarenR]

Wow. Good for you for venting! And an EXCELLENT vent, I might add. I know I have felt exactly as you do many times.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote a book many years ago about the stages of grief. (Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance).

Initially targeted for terminally ill people, it is now widely used for anyone with catastrophic personal loss, i.e. job loss, divorce, chronic illness, major rejection, etc.

You have experienced many of these "personal losses" recently, and are going through the stages of grief for each of them.

Tell me it will get better. Tell me I'll get through this initial shock and sudden diagnosis and exacerbation.

Yes, it will get better. You will survive the initial shock of a sudden diagnosis. I promise.

Financial help with your Avonex is available. There's a sticky at the top of the Medications forum
http://www.msworld.org/forum/showthread.php?t=100575
that details all of the financial assistance that is available.

With your spirit and spunk you will get through this just fine!

Be well,

[Thinkimjob]

Mind if I join your vent?

On the plus side, it can't get much worse. You will get through it. Honestly.
I know all about the fifty appointments to get SSD (dsp in Australia). Here at least they'll take your doctor's word for it that you are sick.
I particularly love people asking when I'll get better and isn't there something I could take for that? And the cousin of my friend's Aunt has MS, and she is a) really well, runs marathons, or b) in a nursing home.
What are you meant to say? Gee, thanks?
You've had two of the worst months you're ever likely to have - it can only get better.
Hug your daughter, and hang in there.

[MSW1963]

These are awful people. I don't think they realize it, or that they intend to be that way. But they are and you don't need it.

Anyone who has asked what they can do for you or what you need, or if they can help you, those are your friends. But you know that.

Hold your child close during these awful days, but you can and will manage to get through this.

I'm so sorry for you but I'm sure there are a few of us here who have gone through an MS dx alone with only those who are actually dependent on us for their support and survival to turn to.

Of course we really can't depend on our children to get us through difficult time like these, but you have a lot more to theach you child about courage and what it means to get through the diffucult times ahead with self respect and dignity.

As for the rest of those watching the train wreck that your life has turned into through no fault of your own, waiting for all the gory details, well you can figure out where to send them.

Shutterbug--That was the most awesome vent I think I have ever seen. Good for you!

The MS Dx does get easier over time...it does. But it is an individual journey. I have actually had it for 10 years so I have had some time to adjust, but was recently told I had to start a DMD and my anxiety "shot through the roof". Felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. So I just started Avonex too...second shot on Friday.

Like I just told someone else, they say "an inch is easy but a yard is hard". So just take some deep breaths and take it inch by inch...

Again...awesome vent...must have felt good.