Awful disease

[Thinkimjob]

I think NYJen just meant "it's hard to be funny, when there isn't any fun, and it's hard to be sunny, when there isn't any sun", as my old Grandfather used to say.

[JudySz]

I agree with you all. Sometimes I have an awful attitude, sometimes i am feeling good and sometimes, I want to fight this disease with everything I have.

Hang in there everyone and be nice. i love this board and do not like to see lots of fighting. Andf sometimes I do not like the internet cause of what was already posted, no eye contact.

there are some days my dh says that I am an equal opportunity hater....We just laugh about it when i am having a bad attitude day and I make sure I do not call anyone so I do not get snarky over the phone.

JudySz

[Tomjadg]

I think everyone here understands that this miserable disease affects each person differently.
What bothers you might not bother me, but with my own issues, I still understand where you are coming from.

I have never seen anyone here belittle another poster, unless that poster tries to make light of someones illness by saying things like "you don't try" and "it is all in your attitude or mind" stuff.

This has always been a supportive site.

[502E79]

Not necessarily....

Awful disease=awful attitude.

....to paraphrase Pascal, all our dignity consist in how we think. We must elevate ourselves then to think well.

Yeah... Not easy. The tasks one faces with MS are difficult. Almost everything serious is difficult and everything is serious.

J

[Tawanda]

I've become a decent actress (thanks to M.S.!)

I did not mean to offend anyone on the boards!

I was just trying to be snarky, I guess. I feel lousy most of the time, and it must affect my attitude.

I remember when my step-grandmother got sick (not M.S., just a mixture of all kinds of stuff). She was always so kind, thoughtful and jolly. I loved hanging out with her. Once she got sick, she turned mean, and I really couldn't understand the abrupt change in personality. I eventually left for college and our visits became very infrequent and she soon passed away. Now when I look back, I totally get how hard it is to be cheerful and pleasant when you wake up every day with nothing to look forward to but going to bed that night. Just another day of suffering ahead.

Now that I'm sick and feel awful 24-7, I remember my dear grandmother and it really alerts me to hone my acting skills. I may have a bad attitude because I feel so bad, but I work hard every day at hiding it. My grandmother reminds me to buck up and put on a happy face even when I don't feel at all good. I don't want my daughter to remember me as a "mean mommy"! It's also not fair for my husband to work hard all day only to come home to my crabby face. After all, the poor guy is now entirely responsible for this family's finances.

I want people around me. It's better than being alone and stewing. So, in a way, I hide my bad attitude so I can keep my friends and loved ones near. This is my choice. I'm not saying it's easy using my precious energy to put on this act every day, but I don't like the alternative-being lonely, even if I am "forgiven" for being a pain in the rear.

This site is great for venting my M.S. pains and challenges. It has probably saved my family from getting any more sucked in by this disease than it has to be!

OK, I'm ready for my close-up, dah-ling!

[Seasha]

Being snarky happens to the best of us at times, with or without this disease.

With conversations over the internet you don't have eye contact, body language or any of the other cues we get when having conversations in person which would clue a person into the "tone" of the converstation.

I totally agree on this point! We also have body language to give us clues when in conversation face to face. Maybe here we should rate the seriousness, fear, sorrow, pain, attitude, happiness, etc. quotient on a scale from 1-10, like the doctors rate our physical pain No second guessing!

Sometimes I have really crappy days and don't feel like bothering or "talking" to anyone! I won't post here on those days, even though I know I'd get support. Chances are my mood has changed by the time folks reply. Then the posts gets swallowed up like the speed of lightening and we're on to other things....

I generally like to keep things light, even tho I may not feel like it. And yes, this is a horrible disease, but like someone here stated, it has made me stronger. I'm not a pollyanna, but I refuse to let this bury me in sorrow!!

Enuff rambling...

[BlessMS]

thank you, thank you, thank you...

I am so glad I read all these posts tonight....to be able to know that everyone accepts one another for what we are...knowing there is no eye contact, facial expressions are not seen, but to know there isn't anything taken personally. That this is just what it is. A "forum" for people to be able to log onto the computer, and to be able to openly express themselves...I absolutely hate this disease. Some days I handle it, and other days I absolutely do NOT. Today has been one of those days. I have been in the bed all day long. I've felt crappy all day. Tomorrow I'm sure will be better. But, on my crappy days, I can just acknowledge it, deal with it, cry with it, accept it, give myself my shot, and move on. Thank you all.....for just being there...

[owlnona]

It's O.K. Jen, we all have bad days.
I can kinda understand you as I'm also from NY. Flushing in Queens,DUH! from NYC you know thatLOL.
Keep posting where all here to help eachother,where else can you VENT & be understood?
God Bless Nona Judy

[Tomjadg]

I just go with the flow and deal with this.

I don't have a bad attitude, nor do I pretend to be happy for people.
Everyone handles this differently, and there is no right answer.

[Shiela]

I have grieved over my life as a death. Certainly parts of my life have died. There are many stages of grief. Without acknowledgment and acceptance of these stages one cannot move upward and onward. Lack of acknowledgment and acceptance stagnates the process.

There are waves of grief that overtake me at different points in progression of this disease--when I first started feeling sick and wondering when I would feel better again, when I started suspecting what it was and realizing that I might not feel better again, maybe worse, when I lost mental, physical, occupational and social abilities, when I lost social contacts, when I was diagnosed and slowly started to realized the comprehensive ramifications to my life, when I realized the possible side affects of medication and how that would impact my life. Each stage is a loss that needs to be dealt with in a healthy grieving way. Expressing it can be healthy, especially when we know that those 'hearing' know what we're talking about. Expressions of my grief in stages end up here sometimes. Hopefully that might help someone else not to feel alone when they feel that way as well.

Someone else expressed their sentiments on this message board--do we always have to be happy, happy, happy all the time? It's exhausting. There wisdom in that. "There is a time for everything under the sun". Happiness is certainly part of that but so is grief.

Between grief stages there are acknowledgments and acceptances. Hopefully during times of acceptances, we can grow in depth of our appreciation of what we DO have left and how we CAN constructively use that to our own benefit and the benefit of others. Positive comments remind us that grief stages are transient. Others have been there and come out holding something positive and valuable. Perhaps, it's how we make our day productive, interesting, beneficial to ourselves and others -- "by TODAY'S standard"--not yesterdays.We can learn to be wiser and appreciate things we couldn't or just didn't before. These reminders are so very important not just for us newbies for all because we all have good and bad days, good seasons and bad seasons.

It's all here, the good the bad and the ugly. It's our job to sift through it and make the best use of it for ourselves and others.

[Lexie]

I have just built a wall around myself especially at work! Seems as if most of my "friends" at work do not want to learn about MS and have no clue why one day can be a good day and the next day I am hardly able to go. It's just easier for me to keep to myself than to feel like these people I have called friends for so many years could care less about my MS. I guess it makes it worse because you can not see how bad I feel from the outside unless you look directly into my eyes and you can see the pain. I thank God that I have wonderful family support and understanding.