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    Keeping in mind that once something is said it can't ever be unsaid, i would like your opinion of something i am thinking about doing.

    situation is i meet with a financial planner, as it turns out was the lowest day in the stock market in the last year. I'm someone who tends think more on the pessimistic side than than the optimistic side, but it was worse than any of my pessimistic thoughts had imagined. i spent the day after curled up in a ball, didn't eat or drink or move..for a day.

    the problem with being always on the pessimistic side, is your actually more of an optimist because you expect reality always has to be better than you thought. your placing a "floor" on how bad reality can be, in a way.

    this time it didn't work. reality was worse than i thought. I need to talk to him again to let him know what i decided. that's were pride comes in. as expected i have made less than optimal decisions in the past, which in some part MS played a role in those decisions. kind of felt like my back was against the wall.

    now my ms is "invisible" to those that do not already know i have ms. to those that know can see ms in me.

    i'm on ssdi, i told the financial planner i have ms. and by the end of the appointment he walked me out and offer to let me hold his arm. that i really don't need but i was shell shocked so i let him provide his arm. he told me he knew someone with Lupus and there is a lot of pain.

    i'm not minimizing Lupus. i believe that one has more serious consequence as non survival is greater. but ms visible disability is quite an issue and having to live sometimes can be quite a logistic problem.. many of my suboptimal decisions were made in the first couple of years after diagnosis. MS symptoms were more visible before tysabri. what he sees now.

    anyway, it just so happens some asked if i would tell her what happened to me with my ms. so i have a copy of an email that describes what those 2 years were like that caused my diagnosis & that and a miserable economy is a large part of where i am at now...very afraid..

    i will follow his advice so i will provide the paperwork he needs, but i am thinking of slipping this emai(2 page double sided) in with the forms i provide so he has a better understanding of how i got to the present.

    that is pride i know, i know i could have done better, but i also know i will be "hiring him" so there is no reason for him to know or me to explain anything that he hasn't asked. thats were i'm seeing a caution sign, nothing already said can ever be unsaid.

    actually Steve Job's death may be a part of the caution sign i'm getting? Steve Job was an incredibly private person who didn't explain anything. i admire everything i am reading about him, but i imagine he was tough to live with. with a value system that was consistently maintained and hugely admirable. but he had the wealth to do so.

    think i should tell the financial planner what it was like at its worst for me and was a part of the reason for my past decisions.still feel my back is against the wall, although its not as visible as it was.

    I guess it would be feeling the need to explain how it was to those that were not there. i'm calming down, won't do anything on impulse.


      I would not send it. To be perfectly honest my interpretation in reading your post is that you are embarrassed by the financial decisions you made and feel that MS is largely to blame and it really doesn't have any relevance.

      Imo a two page anything, although probably cathartic for you to have written, is more than I would expect anyone who loves me to be willing to read let alone someone with only a professional relationship. The bottom line is you are where you are now and you are seeking help from this new professional which is a positive step. Go in with a clean slate and move forward.

      Don't be so hard on yourself. In a good market it is easy to look brilliant not so much in hard times. Perhaps consider that if so much of your net worth is tied to the unpredictable stock market that the worst day resulted in you not being able to get out of bed it might be time to diversify but hopefully your new advisor will be able to help you with that. Good luck.
      He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.


        HI -

        I'm not sure I can provide the exact answer you are looking for but I can provide an experience of saying something I wish I could take back and being very prideful.

        I said somethings to my boyfriend today that were not nice, not mean or abusive but now I wish I had not said them. They mostly have to do with his dibilitating illness and how it affects my days, something I'm just not used to. We've only been together a year and a half. We are together 24/7, I'm not used to that either. But I can't take it back now and I said it because I am stubborn and selfish and prideful. And scared.

        I wish I did not disclose my MS to several people. My employer, friends, acquaintences in my church and a 12 step group. I can't take it back and now it affects how they treat me. It's like I'm completely broken. My MS is not visible at this point, I don't look sick, but I'm on disability. They didn't get that either and I got the sideways glances a few times.

        Personally, I don't think the financial guy needs to know unless what you are planning is going to have an impact on your income level, disability or healthcare. You can't blame yourself for what happened in the beginning of your illness, it was scary and you didn't know what would happen the next day or 10 years from that day. You have to forgive yourself for that and move on. I know that's easier said than done - I've been trying to forgive myself for my divorce, bankruptcy and getting fired - which all happened simultaneously with my dx.

        I know the guy is being a little "touchy-feely" because he doesn't know you but knows you have MS- and probably doesn't truly understand MS, most don't - but unless he absolutely needs to know, just let it go. He's still going to look after your interests and do his job but you don't need him as your best friend - this is a job for him, not a friendship. You are the bigger person for not letting the MS take over the situation.

        I hope that helps a little. I'm a pessimist inside too. I have a really good "optimist face" though! You need to have that "face" on when you deal with this guy.
        This music is the glue of the world Mark. It's what holds it all together. Without this, life would be meaningless


          Yes and No..........(at least in my personal opinion)

          Your relationship with him is BUSINESS, (& should remain so) not personal and the two should mix as well a Gulf Life and blown oil rigs.

          Best to KEEP Business & personal stuff separate.

          YES.. you have told him you have MS and he already is aware of it and your knows your financial info, income, sources etc.

          NO... You need his FULL attention on the affairs for which he is being employed. Side talk should be limited. I see NO reason to go into too much detail, just the basics.

          BEWARE... the kind lady or gentleman. Even tho it could be with all the best most honorable intentions, things could go sour or you end up being taken advantage of in the long run.

          Not all that glitters is GOLD.

          Gomer My very best wishes, just be careful.


            Hi 0485c10,

            First I'd like to say that previous postings of yours I have read were always impressive, compassionate and researched. Knowing you a bit helps when giving input to this question.

            You don't say if this FA is new to your life or if a relationship of a few / many years exist. I'll guess new.

            So, in hiring a professional regarding finances, knowledge of potentially expensive medical situations is important. Details are not. 2 pps of details... hardly. But...

            Truthfully a good FA should present alternatives considering all information received from you (MS is important information). At a follow up meeting he should do this. And you will know then how insightful he has become regarding the overall impact MS has on a person / family (a plus or minus sign in hiring a professional planner).

            Regarding past decisions made or regretted. They are past, don't dwell on it.

            Since you are asking questions about financial planning you already know that emotional makeup plays a large part in how your investments are made. A good FP has to evaluate you, be honest. It will avoid the angst you described when market swooned.

            Also, if you are paying by the hour, only look for an overall direction. If he seems specific then he may have his own agenda, and not yours, in mind. MHO



              Thank you all, for the glass of cold water thrown in my face. i really needed it. i think i have been manipulated by a salesmen and i didn't see it coming or recognize it when it happened. i was so wrapped up in justifying why I did what i have done in the past that i did not see what he had done.

              i am so gullibile that way. the only reason i contacted him was because my grandmother left me an inheritance that i promised to pass on my neices and nephews for education.. a promise i mean to full fill. i had to contact him about an issue with that & said i have some 401 plans i got in in my 30's that are too risky for me at my age.i'm not certain whether to change anything while the market is so bad or just hold them until the market improves. do you want to take a look at them? i would like someone local to manage them. advise me whether i should do anything about them while the market is so bad....and by the time i got done meeting with him i was convinced that all the decisions i made the past were terrible and they were not going to be around long unless HE MANAGED THEM. stupid me not to have seen it, but i was so wrapped up in what i had done wrong in the past, thanks for the cold water.. it restored some sanity. i will look for someone else if i want to do anything about my "too risky" 401 plans.

              lesson learned,a financial planner is a salesman and knows psychology. if i do see someone else i will not be so gullible.


                PS what happened is by way of company matching funds and the teribly large amount of buy out there were in the 90's, confusion in the 2000's. i know the meaning of a lot more financial terms after this week.