Amazon Product:
Author: Kay Marshall Strom
Publisher: IVP Books (2000)
Binding: Paperback, 153 pages
Let me begin by saying that I'm probably not the appropriate person to review this book. My perspective is that of one who may someday need care. From that point of view this was a difficult book. The author's husband, the one who needed care, was becoming increasingly physically and mentally disabled with a fatal illness which MS is almost entirely not. In addition I am reviewing it specifically as it applies to those who care for a person with MS and in that regard it has certain shortcomings.
The author offers practical suggestions for those who care for a disabled person, among them: finding support (spiritual and emotional), handling finances, maintaining balance in your life, impact on the family and, finally, deciding when the person must no longer live at home. The topics are covered with both feeling and an unflinching eye on the potential for problems.
My major discomfort in reading the book was with the plaintive unhappiness of the tone. Granted, the author was essentially stuck caring for a man who rapidly became totally incapacitated and unrecognizable as her husband. Most of her "best" times were away from him and many of her times with him were aversive to her. This is probably not a usual experience for people with MS and their caregivers. Ms. Strom's husband became, from her descriptions, practically unlovable in any adult and mutual way. He also became violent and abusive.
Again, this is not the average situation with MS. Though examples from the lives of other caregivers are included, the focus is on the author's own family. She had a hard time carving her way to peace and acceptance and those who read the book get the benefit of her journey along with the pain.
I imagine that for those living with the certainty of complete loss of a loved one, mentally or physically, this might be a very compassionate work. It may also serve those whose disabled family member has become unable to cooperate much in his own care-taking. But most of us with MS keep almost all of our mental capacities. We are able, for the most part, to cooperate to some extent in our own care (even if only as negotiators). A good many of the horrors faced by Ms. Strom will not visit those who care for a person with MS. It might be important to keep this in mind so as not to become frightened or discouraged by a future that people with MS are unlikely to face.
There are, however, excellent suggestions on preserving a life and interests of your own so as not to be swallowed by the needs of caregiving. Ms. Strom also does a good job of "myth-busting" when it comes to the obligations a caregiver might feel. If you are helping someone with MS and you are able to disregard some of the more profound losses the author faced, you might find much that is useful in this guide. I'd love to get a caregiver's "take" on this book, if any of you happens to read it.
