"Reaching Out When MS Strikes"
by Debbie Wells,
aka TXdebbieNew2MS
Here is a poem I wrote last night
about MSWorld chat...
(submitted 3/27/08)
The hands that so steadily
painted canvas lines
Now the trembling causes
ice cubes to clatter
In the crystal as it shines.
The lesions are growing,
inside my head
The brain so complex yet now
Making divisions of my speech,
so the doctor said.
The abdomen that once before
carried babies
Feels heavy and twists
like a towel in a wringer
Doctors say it’s probably the MS,
well maybe.
The back is all crumbling
but what did it matter
They needed a spinal tap,
he missed three times
And finally they got
the spinal cord matter.
Six weeks the headache
was intolerable to stand
I laid in the bed
isolated from family
But as long as we got the tap,
that was the plan.
First it was a cane, embarrassing to admit
That I could not stand steady
Or get up when I sit.
Then came the walker, because I fell
I am not an old person,
But they say I needed it to get well.
My legs that walked the hospital floors
Working many hours taking care of others
As a vibrant nurse, were no more.
Sometimes, I now forget
people’s names or event
And then next day my mind
is sharp as can be
And then I find myself looking
at the bills unsent.
So how did I get this ugly disease?
Multiple Sclerosis, it's labeled MS
That robbed my sight, I just want it to flee.
It rattles my spirit,
and the pain is unbearable
My family is silent
just trying to handle.
My friends all avoid me
saying my diagnosis is terrible.
The doctor said reach out
to groups of my kind.
Search the internet he said
and click on a link.
Do I want to hear others,
sick, just talk and whine?
I clicked to the link and found the sight
Of people with hope of a life with MS
With similar symptoms but they had a light.
They said MS is a disease;
that I am able
With meds and treatments
I can live and work
and keep food on the table?
No one allowed me to give myself pity.
They let me vent and sometimes cry,
And some make me laugh,
they are so very witty.
Why did I avoid this group for so long?
I thought I was different,
I could deal myself
I tried it alone….but I was so wrong.
I have MS and have a choice each day
To grumble and groan
and feel sorry for myself
Or live with the disease and pray and pray.
I can thank the Lord
for each moment today
To use each second to do His will
To serve Him with zeal
until HE clears the way
For me to meet Him in Heaven
Oh, that will be a Glorious day!
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