"My Life with MS:
Like a Walk on the Beach"

by Chris A. Rock, Navarre, Florida


I used to love to walk on the beach. It was my main exercise and also included swimming after my walk for an additional half-hour. I never had much trouble with excess weight. Then along came
Multiple Sclerosis (MS.)

I was diagnosed in the summer of 1999 and have been trying to “deal” with this since. I am now 52 (Jan. 2005) and it has seemed like an uphill battle, like walking in sand.

What do I miss most about the beach? Walking and swimming gave me my exercise but, even more important was the sun, the beautiful white sand and crystal clear water, the various fish and their colors, the dolphins. . . I enjoyed watching my wife collecting shells, my children swimming and surfing, my grandchildren and their first experiences with nature. . . I can go on and on about what I miss but you get the picture. I try not to harp on the negatives but I have been trying to sort out a way to get back to the beach and my swimming.

Several years ago, after one such walk and before I used a cane, I noticed I was staggering like an old drunk. I was finishing my "walk" and I noticed several people staring at me. I knew it was not because of my incredible body or good looks but because I was staggering around. I was starting to have trouble walking and the beach sand was quite brutal. Anyone who has trouble walking and tried to walk on the beach can relate to my experience.

I am certain that everyone thought I had been drinking. The worst part is that I do not drink booze of any sort and knew I could not tell them I was disabled. It left me with a very bad feeling.

I bought a T-shirt from The Friends With MS.Com that is printed with “I’m not drunk, I just have MS. What’s your excuse?” It did make me feel a bit better but did not get to the root of the problem or I should say “my problem.”

I was innocent of any wrong doing but how could I explain myself, I wondered. It took months to realize that I did not have to explain anything to anybody!

I became an avid reader and discovered all sorts of interesting facts concerning MS. Some things I learned include the facts: the disease ranges from very mild and intermittent to steadily progressive. Some people have few attacks and little, if any, disability accumulating over time. At diagnosis, most people have relapsing-remitting disease. This means they have attacks followed by periods of partial or total remission, which may last months or even years. Others experience a progressive disease course with steadily worsening symptoms. The disease may worsen steadily from the onset (primary-progressive MS) or may become progressive after a relapsing-remitting course (secondary-progressive MS).

I took my new information from The National Multiple Sclerosis Society Web site (www.nmss.org). My MS happens to be Primary Progressive. I had been using Avonex and Betaseron for awhile when my neurologist and I realized these injections were not made for Primary Progressive MS. We agreed that they were not doing me any good and I stopped them.

Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis! Talk about feeling alone!

I have never met anyone with PPMS. Does that mean I am alone? No, of course not. I am blessed to have a great wife of 33 years, Jackie,who is my loving caretaker.

Life is good, if you want it to be - and I do.

I encourage you to discuss your feelings with your Doctor, in most cases, your neurologist. It is natural to feel stress, be depressed and discouraged. We all have to be aware of this fact and immediately speak with a professional, whether it is your family doctor, your neurologist, a counselor, pastor or rabbi, or any of the other countless professionals. You do not have to carry your burden alone.

I have also learned since my initial diagnosis that stress causes me many problems and that my MS really flares up at stressful moments in my life. Do not be afraid to speak out and ask questions. Learn everything you can about our disease. It definitely helps! I am living proof.

Someone once asked me, if I could change anything about myself, what would it be? I told him I would like to get rid of my problems with MS but since I cannot, I will learn to live with it and enjoy life!

I now enjoy my life with my wife (33 years), our 3 adult children and our 3 grandchildren. I have also, in the past 3 (3 must be a good number for me?!) years or so, reactivated my music career.
I had been a professional musician and stopped when diagnosed in 1999. I have now started singing, writing music, playing electric bass guitar and acoustic guitar. I am hoping to record my own compact disk (CD) at some point in the future.

I have met some incredible people and have even joined The Gulf Coast Bluegrass Music Association. It surprised me that people can be so very kind and are not afraid to help me. My only problem was accepting their help without feeling guilty.

I am performing again, albeit slowly, but am stepping forward. I am not afraid anymore and try to enjoy each and every day, as should you! Can we always be happy and upbeat? I do not think so but I will work hard to enjoy each and every day.

I will not let Multiple Sclerosis dictate my life.