"Etch a Sketch"

by Monica Petter



Life is all about change, rebirth. We get to certain levels, stretch out certain boundaries until they no longer feel right, are tight on our skin. We feel constricted and are ready for something new. Like an Etch-a-Sketch, we then shake the old and begin to design our life to fit our new needs, new drives.


I’m ready to shake my Etch-a-Sketch. I’m ready to shed my old design. It no longer fits me, feels tight on my chest. My hands are tied to the familiar, yet unproductive. I am fully prepared for the unexpected. Can I let myself go there? Change. Sometimes change happens all around us, but we sit idle in our little box, refusing it only to find we are alone, the box is claustrophobic. We have outgrown it, but don’t know how to move from it. Fear.


It is true that you don’t realize your own patterns until you step out of them and are able to examine them. I had the opportunity to sit on a couch for a week, sick. I examined my life, my patterns, my routines. I found some very interesting facts. I don’t like the way I am doing things in my routine. I am spinning my wheels, living too hard, my soul enjoying it a lot less.
 

On the couch, I started missing my friends. Maybe it was the fever and aches, but I went to my "happy drawer" of letters and cards given to me by close friends. These I keep for rough days or days like this one. As I read each letter, I realized how much I missed real, spiritually fulfilling contact with my close friends. The very essence of who I am was grayed by the demands of my life. The structure I had created. My life a function of others needs rather than my soul's needs fueling the giving. Part of a team, but so much so, no longer an individual.


I cried a little as I read the letters. Did I really have a time in my life when I could just pick up and go see a friend? Yes. But life and responsibility had taken a higher tier in my structure over the past few years and I had lost the closeness, missed the connection we shared. I craved meaningful friendship.
 

On that couch, I began to look over the things I had written. It was apparent to me that I was at a pivotal point of change yet again. Only 5 years ago had I transformed and written a book a year. Now, my soul was yearning for a different validation. Not in only publishing my words, but finding a niche, an audience so that they reach the appropriate people. I was looking for my soul’s satisfaction.


We all have a purpose. Our purpose isn’t set in stone. It changes as we change, but fundamentally, the light inside of us drives us in many directions throughout our lives. I have found this fundamentally true. You will find the core of who you are in the deeds of your past. The underlying purpose is crystal clear. I think my purpose is to motivate, inspire, and enable. Yet, lately, I have felt so unmotivated and uninspired? My soul asking me questions, examining the roadmap for a new path.


Somehow, after a week of lying on the couch, I feel differently about every aspect of my life. After being away from my routine, my work, and people, there is no way I can do the status quo. My mindset has been challenged, my ruts filled in, new paths laid out in front of me. Maybe everyone else saw it but me? Maybe it took a belly of dissatisfaction and a body full of fever and sickness to finally turn my stomach. There is someone new I can’t wait to meet. Change is easy. It is letting yourself change that is hard. The etch a sketch is in my hands. All I have to do is shake it. 


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