My Hot Chocolate Philosophy

by Maxine Young
August 2007

I thought about this piece of writing for a long time.  What should I write?  What do I want to convey?

It has to be Smart.
It has to be Sharp.
It has to be Strong.
It has to be Sound.

So of course, I went blank. For a while, I believed that having MS had erased these things
from my life. 
I came here today determined to write this, because I need to.
Someone out there might benefit from what I have to say.  It is not fair for me to keep it in.

The last 5 years of my life have been...interesting.
Actually they have been a little bit of hell, but interesting is much less discouraging.

On a cool, cloudy, dreary October morning my Rheumatologist called and said- "You have demyelinating lesions in your brain.  This is indicative of MS".

I almost went crazy.
I cried that day like I hadn’t cried since the day of my mother's death.
I didn’t know much about MS.  The one person I knew who had it, was already confined to a wheelchair.  It was the only example of MS I knew. 

I cried
I bawled
I mourned.
I prayed.

My sister was so helpful to me during the next few hours, calming me and telling me this is not the end, but the beginning.
Never were truer words spoken.

I undertook the task of learning all I could about MS and its treatments.  Sometimes, I was so overwhelmed that I would read in tears.  I found that for me, the more I knew and understood, the more somber I became, but the better I felt having the knowledge.

The next two months were, not difficult.  They were life defining for me.  Countless blood tests, Three (3!) failed Lumbar Punctures, and a host of doctors and students whose actions and words discouraged me so badly, that to this very day I will attest that my experience with those doctors was the worst experience ever in my life.

I took a six-month break from all doctors and hospitals.  I needed the time to slow down, regroup, learn a bit more and start the fight anew.

And I did.

It was during this time that I came up with my Hot Chocolate Philosophy. 
There is nothing I like better than a flavorful, creamy, winter-warm cup of hot chocolate.  But it is a rare thing to get the sweetness just right. 
I learned the secret of making a cup of cocoa taste sweeter is not by adding more sugar.

You have to add a pinch of salt.

The salt rounds out the flavor, and makes it the best cup of cocoa you have ever tasted!

Being diagnosed with MS was like the salt being added to my life, and so I assure myself that through this salt, my life will become sweeter.

Whether it’s in being able to educate others about my illness, or being able to have someone wonder about their own lives and situations and see wherein they can let go of some of the stress and focus on the important, or simply being able to offer a "hang in there!”

It makes life sweeter.

Yes I have days were I am terribly discouraged, seeing how far back in life I am as compared to my peers. 

Yes, there are days, when I am terrified of what my future holds.

I have hope that those days will come by less often.  I do my best to face each day with the anticipation of the truly sweet moments that I don’t plan on passing up, focusing solely on the salt of my life.  Thank God.

I look forward to educating others about Multiple Sclerosis.  I have a four point criteria for myself, you will remember:

It has to be Smart.
It has to be Sharp.
It has to be Strong.
It has to be Sound.

Just like me.

All materials published in LivingMS™ are protected by copyright laws.