Sometimes people benefit most from being cradled
March 10, 1999

“We should acknowledge differences, we should greet differences, until difference makes no difference anymore.”

Are these words, by Dr. Adela A. Allen, attainable? I feel confident they are. Maybe I am an eternal optimist but I believe at a personal level, this is attainable. One by one, we can make this happen.

Thinking on this quote, many things that can set us apart come to mind: physical, emotional and spiritual. Yet we are all on our journeys through life. Sometimes we are myopic and oftentimes our vision is like a wide-angle lens on a camera. Our focus shifts with life’s changes. At times, nothing is in focus and life seems a blur.

Many of us struggle with physical limitations. The tangible efforts to walk, talk, see, hear, feel, taste or think don’t come easily. Most of us need people in our lives who care enough to at least try to understand or assist us. People who are willing to repeat messages we lost in translation, those who will lend an arm to steady our way, and those true friends who are willing to shed their fears of the unknown and stand beside us through life.

I was listening to a presentation about epilepsy at a community health fair. My main concern has always been, “What do they need me to do if I witness a seizure?” I asked and the response was simple enough: “Cradle their head in your hands so they will not harm themselves, and then call for help.”

Cradle their head in your hands. Or place their head on your lap and call for help until the seizure passes. Nothing else is required during this crisis time.

How often might we feel that we are having a personal seizure whether physical, emotional or spiritual. If only someone would cradle our head long enough for us to feel safe until the crisis is past.

Then we could stand up and say, “Thank you.” We would then have the strength and example to follow to help others overcome their crisis. And one by one, we would pass this unconditional love to our fellow travelers.

When a person loses her hearing, the world as she knew it is shattered; physically, emotionally and often spiritually. How we work and play takes a dramatic turn. Our ability to participate in our world is deeply affected and relationships are altered.

A person who cannot hear well may appear to be ignoring you. It would be easy to assume they are rude. You might try again by facing the person. Let them know you are talking with them, smile and repeat your message.

There are choices to make but often we don’t know what questions to ask or where to begin. After the crisis – of learning how to cope and accept our loss – passes, we can choose to help someone else.

While I was learning sign language, I wanted to do it perfectly and stressed myself to the maximum. It stifled me terribly. When I finally realized that communication was the key, I relaxed. I strived for effective, not perfect communication.

It is a noisy world. When one wears hearing aids, machines, overhead announcements and other noise makes conversation virtually impossible.

A friendly smile may be all it takes to break the barriers to communication.

Cradle their emotions. Respect the person.

Another scenario is when a person who uses a wheelchair comes to a doorway too small for them to pass through. What might you do if you saw this happening?

You might not know what to do, so you can ask them. Maybe find another route for them or do what a friend of mine did when met with this situation. He basically “cradled their head” by getting assistance and pushing them through the tight entryway. No big deal, just assist and let them move on their way.

Or you see a person stumbling through a store, maybe knocking down a display.

What would you do? It might be natural to make incorrect assumptions. The most likely reasons are for physical reasons you cannot see, such as multiple sclerosis or poor vision. You could offer assistance by picking up the display and assuring they are not hurt. Smile and move on.

The physical aspects of our lives affect our emotions and spirit. All three work in unison. Each time a person displays compassion, our heart is filled with hope. Emotions are stabilized and our spirit is restored.

The movie Grand Canyon is about how unique we are. It allows us to see how we travel similar roads through life and sometimes they intersect. Then we meet the differences head on. In the closing scene, the very diverse cast stand at the edge of the Grand Canyon and, with awe, take in the powerful beauty.

One character asks, “Well, what do you think?”
The answer: “I think – it’s not all bad.”

Is the opening quote attainable? That is for each of us to decide. We may never know when it may be our turn to need a fellow traveler to ease our way.