"BURIED TREASURES" 
                                by Mari L. McCarthy


  In 1991, a visitor named Multiple Sclerosis appeared and presented me with an all expenses paid trip to My Self. While I sit here (I'm quite good at that now) nursing my annual winter/spring sinus infection, I recollect my travels of the last eleven years. Among my souvenirs:

  A Timely Diagnosis. After only four months of not knowing where my body was, I found a neurologist who confirmed my seat on the MS expedition. After he gave a satisfactory response to "How, how, how do you know it's not a brain tumor?'' he explained that my plaques blocked communication between my head and body. And we discussed my immune system attacking itself. That certainly described me— ignoring my body, pushing, pulling, and pressuring myself for perfection. So, MS was here to show me how to get out of my own way and learn how to live.

  An Extended Vacation. When running for weekly airplanes and driving a car became impossible, I begrudgingly took some time off from work. What, ME relax, do nothing, have fun? I was definitely in uncharted waters. How was I going to do this? I felt bad, guilty, selfish, scared, confused. I needed help. The old ways of approaching me wouldn't work. Thank goodness I rediscovered some old friends, Meditation and Journaling, to help me untangle my mess.

  Help. Along the way, I've met excellent healthcare providers. My neuroimmunologist works with me and returns my phone calls. A psychologist provided "cognitive restructuring" tools, helping me see that MS is a part of me, not who I am. An old friend, my first therapist, reentered my life. Working with her psychophysical process I'm understanding and putting my past, present and future in perspective. I am fortunate to be living at a time when MS is viewed as a manageable condition. I use physical therapy, a leg brace, a collapsible cane, a left foot automobile gas pedal, and handicapped parking spots while I explore other options, and I now welcome assistance from family, friends and strangers. Most times.

  Emotional Intelligence. Several years ago, when my right hand suddenly departed for parts unknown, I became left-handed. My writing experiences are more exciting as I discover the woman who truly lives in my body. I've added new words to my vocabulary like trust, confidence, compassion and respect. Even the word "fear" has taken on a new meaning: it's fear of success that's my current challenge as I build a relationship between the right and left sides of my body.

  Since MS, I've changed how I treat myself. I see and believe my potential. I enjoy things I never did before. I achieve my goals through hard work without self-inflicted stress and suffering. And what a friend MS is: always there to stop me from slipping back into my old ways.

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