Body Hate:
A Gay Man's Struggle with Multiple Sclerosis

by William Cate


174 pages; published by Xlibris, 2003

Available $16.54 at Amazon (see below)


Reviewed by LizOP
MSWorld Book Reviewer



The title threw me until I read, "There is a battle going on. Between my body and my mind. My body is winning. And, it is filled with hate." Cate is talking of how MS is ravaging his body.


William Cate is angry about his MS for the bulk of the book. He minces no words and spares no language. He talks and writes about what he feels and has experienced up to and following his diagnosis with MS.


The good news is, at the end of the book, Cate has found peace with his life with MS. His struggles are well known by people with MS.


"I am new, I am improved, I am diseased, but I am the best version of me I can be. That is all anyone can expect."


Cate felt it important to make it clear that he lives a gay lifestyle and mentions it often in the first part of the book. Some of his frustrations at the hospital the first few days, while he tried to get some answers, may be familiar to some readers. The discrimination he experienced about being gay by the medical profession was frustrating and having a myriad of MS symptoms at the same time was overwhelming - especially since he had no idea what was happening or why.


Cate wrote he suspected he had AIDS but he recalled he had been careful in his intimate encounters - but was thinking it must be AIDS. Realize, too, he does not hold back about his lifestyle.


As people with MS, we can relate to the pain and bewilderment of getting the diagnosis. Cate, like many, knew nothing of the disease and was filled with questions.

Fortunately, his diagnosis was given by a compassionate doctor who could see through Cate's pain.


The following excepts show his honest writing style:


"Everyone was looking at me like I was dying. I couldn't take it. I motioned to one of my brother-in-laws and asked him if he could take them out to the hall while everyone finished his visit. . .


". . . I felt sufficiently appreciated and supported. I almost didn't want any visitors. . . .And, certainly, I just didn't want anyone to see me in such a state. No need to stand around me in a candle light vigil, no drama.


". . . my mother, . . . sat by the bed and watched me till I fell asleep. We talked a bit--but about what, I have no idea. It seemed late, and I thought the hospital would be mad that she was still there--but . . . it was actually only about 4 pm.


"Later that day the neurologist came in, the man who had been looking after me since my admittance into the Neurology Ward. He had a humble look on his face. My mother left the room, and he took her place in the same chair . . .


"He explained to me that they had to test me for everything and that it is a long line of tests to rule out things. Now they had come to a conclusion after getting the results of my MRI. He explained that, on the film of my nervous system, there were microscopic scars on my nerves. These scars, scabs or lesions, caused all my problems. He told me that this condition was called Multiple Sclerosis. Multiple Sclerosis! What the hell is that?


"The doctor was talking, but I didn't hear a word he said, I suddenly got a picture in my head of all those children I have seen for years on the Jerry Lewis Telethon. My mind was racing and I heard him say the words, "degenerative nerve disorder."


Cate was honest but he is not a true writer. But he needed to write his experiences down, and that is good.


There are editing errors throughout the book which I found distracting. With his repetition, I saw the confusion MS can bring to a life. He most likely shows his creativity more clearly through his art and formerly in his music as a drummer.


Cate's passion as he writes the book comes out but it is not a book I would say every person should read. I believe he has a large audience who will enjoy the book and his message, but it is not a book I will lend to others quickly.


Amazon.com will donate 5% of purchases made through the search link below to MSWorld®. For any purchases made through links to specific books from our individual book review pages, Amazon.com will donate 15%.