Understanding comes from wearing other’s shoes
September 1988

“Can you hear that, Liz?” my older brother asked me. We were at his son’s wedding reception and the disc jockey was playing great music.

The DJ had just made an announcement and, thinking that this is what my brother meant, I answered, “Yes, but I can’t understand his words.”

Jon clarified the question, “Can you hear the music?”
I smiled big and said, “Oh yes . . . even without my hearing aids!” We laughed.

Later I realized the real purpose of his question. It was not so much “Can I hear it?” but “How much can you hear?”
I loved him all the more when I realized the depth of his question.

He was trying to walk in my shoes – trying to understand since he can hear. Hearing loss is totally invisible to the eye. My brother was going to the depths to try to comprehend what I hear since he cannot see it.

Some people have said, “But she looks normal!”
Very funny. Define normal for me, will you? Being hard-of-hearing is normal for me. In fact, it is normal for millions of people. So we are normal – we just can’t hear very well.

What hard-of-hearing individuals would love to hear are more sensitive questions like my brother Jon’s, which shows people are really trying to grasp the situation. Some hearing people balk at using the marvelous Ohio Relay Serve, a free service provided – in all states – so that hearing people can call someone who uses a TTY – text telephone.

Not long after the wedding, I asked my oldest brother, Jim, if he minded talking to me using the service.

“No,” he said. “Even if I did, what difference does it make as long as I can communicate with you?”

I had to stifle the tears. I probably should have let them flow. What an honor to have brothers like I have!

To gain my independence in a hearing world, first, I had to accept my loss. That was the most difficult part. Think of starting an exercise program. I had to force myself to learn – to get up and start the mental exercises. Whew! It wore me out but I felt energized afterwards. I am still learning. I “got into shape” but have to continue to “work out” to maintain.

Second, I learned about assistive listening devices. The best example is having my dog trained as my hearing dog (through Lion’s Hearing Dogs.) That was fun.

Third, I had to practice using these devices to improve my life.

Fourth, I had to set out to teach people day by day what I need to communicate best. That will never, never end. That is fine because learning is a good thing.

I also used my love of writing throughout all these phases, which has helped me put life into perspective. My hope is that my writing also will help others going through their own process.

All I ask of you is an effort to understand – to walk in my shoes, if even just a short while. I think I speak for the millions who are hard-of-hearing when I say I want to hear and understand you, but I often can’t. I ask your patience and we can work on communicating together.

The people I have met through SHHH have helped me to find the humor in some situations related to hearing loss. Humor often dispels the communication gap, letting others into our world of silence with a smile and welcoming arms.
Then when the music is blasting and someone wonders if you can hear it, you can laugh and say, “Oh yes!”

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