Some difficult questions should never be asked

1998-2000 some time?

“If you had to choose, would you rather lose your hearing or your vision?”

What a question. I was 17 years old, a senior in high school, when our English teacher posed this question to our class. I wanted to ignore it but she wanted an answer!
I thought about it. I had just “starred” in our senior musical. I loved to sing and listen to music. Music is probably the reason I survived high school.

She looked at me and said, “Well, we all know Liz that you would choose to lose your vision. You would have to hear music.” Had she read my mind? No. Now I am about the same age she was and I wonder if I would pose that question to anyone.

I know people with perfect vision and low or no vision, people that hear everything and those who are mildly hard-of-hearing to deaf. I know people that power walk and run marathons and others who struggle to place one foot in front of the other. Their own kind of daily marathon. There are people who cannot lean over due to back injury and gymnasts who jump and bend midair.

Well, you could add your own struggle or triumph here couldn’t you? Would you appreciate this question? Again, I think not.

With maturity, I have learned what I wish I could have said to my teacher (without getting in trouble). I would not choose to lose either and the question is insensitive. How could any one loss be worse or better than another?

But her question has stayed with me some 30 years later. As my hearing waned gradually over the years, I often wondered why – see, I agreed with the teacher when she said I would not want to lose my hearing. But I did lose it. So now what do I do? We didn’t discuss what to do if we did lose one or the other.

I had to find new questions to ask. New ways to cope. New friends who understood my situation. It took time and energy. I often fell back, gave up and had to regroup. Since my hearing declined slowly, I had years to hear most things and enjoy music. I still enjoy music – instrumental because the words just don’t come across anymore.

I love the music programs that are closed-captioned. The best of two worlds. Often I wish people were closed-captioned.

The journey has not been easy and, hindsight being 20/0, I would have done many things differently. You, the reader, may be struggling with some sort of loss – vision, hearing, sense of touch, ability to move with some amount of grace, taste – I don’t need to tell you how to cope with it unless I have lived it for myself.

Even then, each of us has to find our way consistent with our lifestyle and needs. A bridge certainly does exist, though, between people who have learned they have a loss of an ability to utilize one or more of their senses. We have all been asked unfeeling questions and felt required to answer. But maybe it has been closer to home. We have a friend or family member show insensitivity to our needs.

When this happens, we become the teacher. We ask the questions and let them know what we need – “Please face me; please don’t talk from another room.” If they are stubborn and refuse to comply, they are the ones with a problem. Not you.

Many choose to ignore the situation. You may be a vivid reminder that it “could be them” someday. I just smile and say, “But it isn’t you, it’s me.” People are generally kind-hearted. I need to let them know – I become the teacher.
My high school teacher had a purpose in her question. I will allow you to draw your own conclusions. Thirty years later, I have become the teacher. But with the questions, I offer a willingness to find answers to improve quality of life.

SHHH, Self Help for Hard-of-hearing People (now called the Hearing Loss Association of America) has been the best school I have attended. Not a building, but an entity that offers education on how to cope with a hearing loss. The other pupils are hard-of-hearing or want to understand.

You may be taking the first step toward coping by learning there are people who understand – people who care and will help guide you toward the answers required to improve your life. They have helped me to answer my big question. “Now what?”