If only prayers are enough
to let it go away . . .
by "Big Sis"

My little sister – who is now 23 years old – was diagnosed with MS about two years ago.  Our family did not really know how she got the condition, considering that we are Asians who came to Canada about 20 years ago. I guess we are all still in denial and are continuing to hope that maybe one day soon my little sister will be able to walk, talk, dance and sing Karaoke once again. She used to be the star in the family gatherings, and she's always been the "spoiled brat" – having three older sisters who are practically a decade older than she.

I was the first one in my family to notice the changes about two years ago.  At the time, my little sister was working with me as my assistant and there were times when I would be angry at her when I had to explain her simple tasks over and over.  I also started noticing a bit of twitching of her head for only a few seconds, which were really unnoticeable even by her.  I did ask her about the slight shaking and advised her to see my medical doctor.  We both went and my MD stated that sometimes people have what he calls essential tremors but are very mild and are not of concern, since some people are born with them.  He also suggested that my little sister see a neurologist for a second opinion. The head shaking continued and had become more and more noticeable not just by me and her, but also by my parents and my other sisters.

A few months after this, we found out that my little sister's leg started to hurt and she started limping on that leg.  She then explained that she fell on the ground during one slippery and snowy day.  The most obvious explanation we presumed, to the pain in her leg.  We had asked her to have her leg examined and radiographed to see if she had any fracture from the fall. 

Then, I went on with my own life issues – my daughter, my school and my personal situations to deal with.

About six months later, the neurologist instructed my little sister to have MRIs, CAT scan, blood work and other tests at both St. Joseph's and St. Michael's hospitals.  Although my little sister was afraid and confused with all the procedures, she had no choice but to find out what could be wrong.  Along with the tests, my little sister's head shakings became more and more constant and rapid and her limping became worst.  She then started having difficulties writing or controlling her right hand.  All I remember hearing after the results came was that the specialist had seen peculiar lesions or plaques in my little sister's brain.

I understand quite a lot about the condition since I'm in the health field, and sometimes I wish that I didn't know as much.  I knew something was not right.

It breaks my heart to see my little sister constantly crying and endlessly feeling sorry for herself,  finding out she has this condition that mostly older people have.  And then I remembered how bad I had treated her at work – how really her comprehension was not from laziness or from being spoiled – that the condition probably had been the cause – how she fell not because of the slippery ground, but because she was gradually losing her balance and muscle coordination. Oh, I wish I could go back in time and treated her with more patience and kindness.

As I write to you, I can't help but let go of the emotions I have been quietly dealing with by myself when everyone else stops crying.  I promised myself that I will always be the strong one and not break down since all of my family members seem to be doing a good job of crying for and with my little sister.  I know emotional stress will only make matters worst, especially to her.

I heard that Canada is one of the leading countries if not the leading country that researches the cure for MS. I am hoping that maybe I will find out more wisdom and more strength of coping with my little sister's condition, through this site.  I also hope that I will find more ways to make my little sister feel better, or at least stop crying.

I think, up to now, my little sister has not yet accepted that she has the condition – that she is still wondering why she got it.  Sometimes I wonder if my parents attending prayer meetings, charismatic associations, Sunday masses and other religious practice can cure my little sister from having MS.  And if only prayers are enough to let it go away, I will stop every hour of the day and say a prayer to our Lord for my little sister to live her life that she deserves – healthy, happy and to the fullest!

Sincerely,
"Big Sis"