"2006"

by Monica Petter


I suppose everyone looks back over the year and lines up events like bowling pins, taking the ball and whacking out the things they don’t need for the future. A future that seems so far away but is tomorrow suddenly. I’ve lined up my year and I honestly can’t find anything to whack. Actually, I usually scream about letting go of things, but this year, I believe I will hold onto the lessons I learned. They are valuable to me like gold. I’m attached to them in strange hypnotic ways that I can’t explain other than to say they move me to action. They have made me clever, rougher around the edges,
yet smooth as silk.

 
If I had to theme the year, I would say it was the year of mind over matter – matter being my body. I have always been a master of disguise, hiding disease all around me. Somehow, I hid it from myself this year, or cleverly outsmarted it.

 Somehow I have overcome disease in a year that I should have been riddled with its effects. Mind over matter. You are what you believe yourself to be. Somehow, I believe myself invincible from my own destruction. I have become very adept at rescuing myself from my own self-sabotage. I’ve mastered it. Somehow, it has bled into a bulletproof vest against others tricks. For, I’ve played them all, how dare they think they can sink a pro?


This has also been the year of falling into destiny. A destiny I have fought, kicking and screaming, scrawling under rocks and running into heavy forests trying to avoid. What I have learned is that true acceptance of your destiny is swiftly followed by a commitment that is addictive. I wasted so much energy fighting to deny it that it seems easier just to succumb and watch how natural it fits me.


For I am the diplomat and can see all sides of situations. I am the psychiatrist to the people I call friends, partners. I am the North Star. I didn’t feel worthy of the title until I earned it wholeheartedly, almost accidentally. But there are no accidents when dealing with fate, now is there? For, if it were a path I had not wanted, why would I have walked right down it to the waterfall? There is nothing foolish about it. I have accepted it, bitten the head off the snake, dove into the waters of challenge.


What of the future? I’m finding that with age comes responsibility. I am good at it. So, I follow my aptitude. But my heart calls me to grander things. How do I intertwine the two fates? Heart and head, my ultimate battle. I can be so cerebral; can plunge at a moments notice into the depths of my emotions, my imagination. Yet, I can be very logical, methodically compassionate in my decisions and judgments. Who will win, or better yet, how will these two seemingly different facets work together?


Shall 2007 go something like this - There once was a girl who wanted to succeed at everything…so she did?

All materials published in LivingMS™ are protected by copyright laws.