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    Looking for help with a violent mother who has MS

    Hello first time on one of these and desperately looking for help,

    I am seeking some additional help and information for myself about my mother. She has been living with MS for 10+ years. For years she has been going in and out of fits of anger and rage although they do not occur often maybe a few times a year they still happen, after a day or two she would apologize and we will move forward.

    As of late the rages have been coming out of no where and been escalating in scale. She is becoming more and more violent slapping scratching has been upped to punching, choking , biting and last night she even sprayed me with mace. She now feels no remorse or responsibility for being out of control and at times doesn't see how out of control angry she gets.

    I understand this is part of the disease but it's beginning to become difficult to keep placing blame on the abuse? I'm starting to wonder if any one else has been having these issues or if this is domestic abuse. as time goes on I am starting to be fearful for my well being every time this has happened it has started with an argument, I recognize the signs of the situation escalating and remove myself walking away and going to my room and every time she comes up barges in my room and physically attacks me.

    Let it be known that I am absolutely not aggressive, and have never ever thought violence in any form is ok which is why I remove myself from a harmful situation to only be attacked. Just wanted to get some opinions if this is normal or if I am just trying to find excuses for a mother who is continually abusive and starting to not even feel bad about the way she treats others.

    I fear that there will be a time when she gets into a rage and attacks me with a knife or other deadly weapon, she has swung curtain rods before but always felt bad but lately it's like she sees me as making her act this was and it is my fault that she attacks me even though I walk away??

    I should mention I am 22 years old and in college it seems like when I come home for holidays and summer break it is always something but as of late it has just been out of control being that it can happen only a few times a year it is hard to get perspective. I have told her for years that the next time she lays hands on me I will be phoning the police but have ever had the guts to follow through being that she is still my mother and no matter how she treats me I still love her

    Please give me some help and if you find your self out of control do not hesitate to try and explain me your reasoning I'm open to anything


    ** Moderator's note - Post broken into paragraphs for easier reading. Many people with MS have visual difficulties that prevent them from reading large blocks of print. **

    #2
    I don't think violence is common with MS but this IS domestic violence regardless of the cause. You say she shows no remorse which is a HUGE red flag.

    You need to contact her physicians ASAP and call 911 the next time this happens. She needs help of some form, even if that means a psych ward IMHO, and you don't deserve to be abused. You deserve to be safe.

    Comment


      #3
      I think it is very possible your mother has lesions in areas that affect mood and behavior. Is there any way you can go to a neuro appointment with her and discuss this? At the least, that should make you feel more confident that its not her, its the disease.

      Also your local chapter of the MS Society may have some resources for you. Good luck.

      Comment


        #4
        IMO this is not due to MS, this is a mental health issue (that ms may have exacerbated) . You really shouldn't be wondering *if* it's domestic violence at all! it is.

        It's good that you aren't reciprocating, stay strong. MS has a pretty big issue with depression and depression has a pretty big link to anxiety. She might be projecting onto you.

        I'm no authority but I would recommend seeking local help resources. There are many domestic violence resources and even don't be afraid to call the police if you are having trouble finding one. Not to arrest her, just to be pointed in the right direction.

        Sx start May '13 | Dx'd Dec '13 | Tysabri Feb '14 [Neuro's call&saved my life]
        Just because we don't feel flesh, doesn't mean we don't fear death

        Comment


          #5
          Hello Lookingforhelp090 and welcome to MSWorld

          As of late the rages have been coming out of no where and been escalating in scale. She is becoming more and more violent slapping scratching has been upped to punching, choking , biting and last night she even sprayed me with mace.
          I understand this is part of the disease but it's beginning to become difficult to keep placing blame on the abuse?
          This type of behavior is not what I would call 'part of the disease.'

          Emotions can be affected:
          http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Sym...tional-Changes

          What you are describing needs to be investigated by medical/mental health professionals. If you have a healthcare professional please speak to him/her for advice.

          You might speak to your mother about her anger and violence and the need for medical intervention. Please have someone with you if this discussion takes place, for your safety.

          Your mother's behavior is totally unacceptable and dangerous for you.

          I have told her for years that the next time she lays hands on me I will be phoning the police but have ever had the guts to follow through being that she is still my mother and no matter how she treats me I still love her
          Let it be known that I am absolutely not aggressive, and have never ever thought violence in any form is ok which is why I remove myself from a harmful situation to only be attacked.
          Under the circumstances calling the police is appropriate. Doing so does not mean you don't love her. If my child, adult or not, did to me what your Mother does to you I would call the police.

          Take care and stay safe
          Diagnosed 1984
          “Lightworkers aren’t here to avoid the darkness…they are here to transform the darkness through the illuminating power of love.” Muses from a mystic

          Comment


            #6
            Are there any other

            relatives that could help you with this? I agree with the other posters; you shouldn't have to go through this.

            Comment


              #7
              Emotional lability is defined as an excessive, generally brief, emotional response to a minor stimulus. From a survey of clinic attendees it was estimated that 20% of people with multiple sclerosis have emotional lability (Feinstein, 1999). Anecdotal evidence suggests that treatment is with carbamazepine, SSRIs or amitriptyline.

              The brain is a complex organ responsible in modulations of mood, temperature, and behaviors. Your mother's brain is damaged. Very rarely, MS causes psychosis, but your mother seems to appreciate that her behavior isn't acceptable and harmful, or did. Try to be cogent of the fact that loud noises and simple requests or questions may be viewed as hostile or triggering, must like those with autism throw tantrums in a busy store.

              I empathize. My mother used to tell me she was going to murder my brother and me and then kill herself. The thing is you have to keep yourself sane and pull up anchor. I would suggest moving in with your dad or getting a roommate, and meeting your mother in mixed company until she agrees to get help. You can offer to help, but on your terms. I know it doesn't seem fair as everyone wants to go home for holidays/save money on summer break, but it worked for me to move five states away.

              Comment


                #8
                First of all, this is awful and you should not have to live like this=afraid of your own mother.

                Not sure if this is lesion related or not. Just know not everything is related to MS. BUT regardless you need to report this abuse to her Neuro and also seek protection, via a temporary restraining order.

                Sounds like she may need to be taken to psych ward for evaluation, monitoring against her will. Always position yourself near a door and keep phone on you at all times. Call 911 and have police escort her to psych hospital.

                Again, you do not deserve this at all! Let us know how you are doing and what happens ok hon?

                Warmly, Jan
                I believe in miracles~!
                2004 Benign MS 2008 NOT MS
                Finally DX: RR MS 02.24.10

                Comment


                  #9
                  You said it exactly right, you have a violent mother first and foremost. She certainly doesn't get a free pass because she has MS.

                  I'm not a doctor, but she sounds seriously disturbed to me, biting and scratching, not to mention spraying you with Mace.

                  Is there anyone else at home who can help you?

                  I'd be phoning her doctor and then the police, if she is not willing to get psychiatric help. You don't deserve this, and she has no right to behave this way.

                  And you sound a bit frightened. All the best.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    This is not MS. This is flat out abuse...and I'm with Snoopy...it is unacceptable.

                    I know you love your Mother...but she has other issues besides MS. You will not going to be able to do this on your own. I would start with a Police Report and a Temporary Restraining Order.

                    Let the Court handle it from there. If there is any hope for your Mom...she needs immediate help...and you have to start the ball rolling. It seems cruel now, but in the long term it is in both of your best interests.

                    If you can't do what a lot of us have been saying to do...you have to walk away...and never look back. Build a new life for yourself.

                    Best of Luck to you Darlin'.
                    Katie
                    "Yep, I have MS, and it does have Me!"
                    "My MS is a Journey for One."
                    Dx: 1999 DMDS: Avonex, Copaxone, Rebif, currently on Tysabri

                    Comment


                      #11
                      "As of late the rages have been coming out of no where and been escalating in scale. She is becoming more and more violent slapping scratching has been upped to punching, choking , biting and last night she even sprayed me with mace. She now feels no remorse or responsibility for being out of control and at times doesn't see how out of control angry she gets. "

                      I get these also, but I behave myself! Yes this disease is awful, but it is not an excuse to abuse anyone! I think this is terrible behavior, and it may end up ( the sooner the better)in a phone call to 911. Please remember: safety for all involved is priority number one.I wish you only the best.
                      hunterd/HuntOP/Dave
                      volunteer
                      MS World
                      hunterd@msworld.org
                      PPMS DX 2001

                      "ADAPT AND OVERCOME" - MY COUSIN

                      Comment


                        #12
                        So sorry you have to be living with such stress, especially considering your age.

                        I totally agree with everyone else, the authorities need to be involved. In our state (FL) we have something called the Baker Act. If you called the police and they observe this behavior, they can admit the person for 3 days to a psychiatric unit for evaluation.

                        Has she been evaluated for dementia? Sometime aggressive behavior can accompany dementia.

                        Hang in there, and make the call.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          great point about the dementia RDMC! My grandfather was diagnosed with dementia while he was battling Alzheimer's. He was mean, rude, and he tried to be physical( he was rather uncoordinated by then).
                          hunterd/HuntOP/Dave
                          volunteer
                          MS World
                          hunterd@msworld.org
                          PPMS DX 2001

                          "ADAPT AND OVERCOME" - MY COUSIN

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Indeed this IS "flat out abuse" and your Mom (be it consciously or unconsciously) is using her MS as an excuse. She may be fearful that she DOES have some dementia and is trying to cover that up by excusing it to M.S. THAT is not acceptable, NOR should you give her any kind of "free pass".

                            Does she love you? Yes I bet she really DOES, but if this is dementia or even if SOME OF IT is from her MS, you need to try to speak with her about it, and it appears as if that conversation would be best held while she is a patient in a Mental health care facility.
                            Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              So sorry for what you are going through. As a nurse and survivor of domestic violence from a psychotic husband I know what you are coping with is terrifying. Your mom needs help from a mental health professional. I've seen early onset dementia patients behave this way as well as paranoid psychotic people. Getting help for your mom will help her live a better life too. I would contact either your or her primary care to discuss her behavior.
                              People with bipolar disease can have swings like this. My ex husband who is "bipolar with psychotic features" would have good weeks and months but we never knew when it would change. He never accepted that he did anything wrong either. It was quite terrifying and still is. We had to get him out of the house for the safety of my whole family.

                              Most of all stay safe. Let your local police department know about your situation. Mine know and keep a watch out for me when he is out of the hospital. And have a restraining order. Not the biggest help I've found but important to have to get help from court if necessary. My children and I have them.

                              It was very hard for us to tell others about my ex but our life got so much safer and better once we opened up about it and got help. Please get some help and support

                              Comment

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